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January 2012 Moms
DH you just don't get it!!
Obviously a vent...
Our DD will be 5 months on the 21st and so far I did about 95% of "night calls" OK, while I was home the first 12 weeks and then also BFing I was ok with it. Although I wish he had gotten up a bit more often to just change her and bring her to me to feed her. Just not getting up out of bed makes a huge difference.
Well now, we both work full time. I get up at 5 am to get to work by 7am, and I still have to get up and take care of DD while DH sleeps... On a VERY FEW occasions has DH watched DD during the night.
I thought I was expressing my wishes of him doing more clearly but I guess not. So last week I really started laying into him and explaining that it is not him helping, it is his repsonsibility just like mine. That she is his daughter too and that he simply MUST get up and take care of her just like me. She's on formula now so there is no reason why he can't do it... But he just b!tches all the time how tired he is and exhausted and wants to stay in bed longer over the weekend. When he's sick he won't do anything at all but yet when I got down with pneumonia he complained that his ear hurt and that somehow it should be me getting up at 4am to feed her rather than him 
UM HELLO!! that's what I do ALL THE F'N TIME! I can't believe how much he's complaining and even gets upset with me when I tell him it's his turn to get up. So it's ok and expected from me to do this all the time but a BIG issue when he has to?!?! OMG HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!
He did mellow down this morning so I think he's getting it, but you know what. The after the fact kindness doesn't fly with me anymore....
OK, I feel better now....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH you just don't get it!!
Started TTC 05.08
Me: Stage II endo, borderline high FSH
DH: perfect
1 lap, 5 IUIs = 4 BFNs and 1 c/p
2 IVFs, 2 FETs = 1 BFN, 1 c/p, 1 ectopic and finally a sticky BFP in May 2011!
1 FET in Aug 2013 = BFP!
I could have written this. Just started back to work yesterday. DH said we will have to alternate nights with the baby. I'm waiting for that to happen...
I've done 98% of taking care of DS since he was born. I already chewed DH out once about a month ago for not helping. I think we're going to be going down that road again soon.
We have also made the rule of alternating through the night. We decide ahead of time who will get up first so there isn't an argument in the middle of the night. We also made a rule that you can't ask to get out of your turn or complain. It has helped a lot.
This is us too, although at this point I'm happy to do most of the baby work if he would just pick up after himself and help with household chores. BUt his XBOX seems to get in the way of that. OR his laziness. I am actually wondering if her harbors some unspoken misogynistic viewpoint that its my job. But i think he is just lazy..oh did I mention that I am not only back at work but also doing my practicum for my master's in counseling in addition? Dh is on the other hand working on his master's in XBOX.....
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LMAO! Seriously I feel this way everyday.
At first my DH said he couldn't hear her wake up at night so we moved the monitor to his side of the bed. He still doesn't hear it. So now I have to hit him and say "Wake up". The first couple times my DH never came back to bed and I would find him passed out on the recliner with DD or still awake. I basically had to show him my nightly routine, (Make bottle, turn out lights, go to crib, change baby, feed, burp, back to bed) . Except now when he does it, I get nervous and listen to everything he is doing which keeps me awake.
He will get up once a week and then I have to hear how tired he is. Um, hello? I do this every single day with no naps. I work 8-5 M-F. My husband has to be in by 8am but can set his own hours. He could be done by noon and nap all day if he wanted to. My DH will say "Hun, why don't you wake me up at night" and I want to reply with "Because I don't want to hear you complain all day".
Men are just strange. I understand we are motherly by nature but during the week my mom and my MIL watch our DD. Last Friday I had to go to my FSIL hair trial and came home 2 hours later. It was the first time I went out since having DD. Do you know he was at my MIL house? I think he is afraid to take care of her by himself.
I really do think he thinks he is trying but we can't rely on other people when I am not available.
Also, last vent...does anyones husband try to play on their cell phone while he is feeding the baby? Sometimes I just want to smack the phone out of his hands and say "LOOK AT HER! SHE NEEDS EYE CONTACT!".
I feel resentful a lot or just cry when I'm by myself. DH spends all his free time playing his f***ing computer games which is what I chewed him out about before. He doesn't help around the house except for taking out the kitchen trash sometimes and mowing the lawn. I think he learned these behaviors as a kid because he is the youngest and the only boy and his dad doesn't help his mom with anything either other than yard work. He is one of those who just expects the woman to cook and clean. I love my father-in-law but he's just from another generation. I don't think DH expects me to take care of the house but he won't do it and I refuse to have a filthy house. He acts like such a baby if he has to change a dirty diaper though. It seems like he just wants to interact with DS when it's convenient for him or just do the fun stuff with DS. He doesn't want to have to change diapers, get up and feed him at night, etc. I admit that I've been a bit of a b**** since DS was born but it's because I gaven't had a decent night of sleep in 5 1/2 months and do everything for DS.
I feel you. Although I haven't had a decent nights sleep since like July because that's when my preggo hips started aching and that was the end of sleep for me. My DH literally has to shower if DD spits up on him. Good Lord. DH wants to get laid more, but I want a nap and the bottles washed.
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There's two to kiss, Two to hug, And best of all, Two to Love!
Ya maybe then, when DD is bigger and wants her daddy all the time, I may miss the sleepless nights where she really wanted me instead of just her daddy lol
DH did say that he can't wait to play soccer and/or softball with her. So I think he will be better then...
That pic is too adorable btw
My DH seems to think that looking at the ipad while DS sits in his lap = quality time. le sigh.
You're probably right. Thanks for putting things in perspective. Right now I have to admit I do get some satisfaction out of the fact that DS prefers me.
I understand. I have dreams of throwing DHs XBOX in the pool. Frankly, anymore, the games are a turnoff...as in if he has been playing that day I can't bring myself to consider any quality spousal time. I really want to know what he tells himself that convinces him this is acceptable behavior as a father and husband. You and I both have psych degrees...but I can't figure it out. Maybe we should declare a "Take back your husband" day and just throw all that ish out
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I am embarrassed to admit that even though I am a psychologist and counsel people about issues like this, most of the time I just want to scream at DH when he's absorbed in his games (so, most of the time). I have fantasies of throwing his computer out the 2nd floor window. Or doing like they did in "Office Space" with the fax machine...just taking it outside and attacking it with a sledgehammer. I've told him several times that my "love language" is acts of service. I would much prefer he help me around the house and with the baby than buy me any flowers, jewelry, etc. That would make me more inclined to be romantic with him. But I'm with you - between being tired and feeling like I'm single handedly raising our child and taking care of the house, the last thing I feel like doing is being lovey dovey. I like the idea of "take back your husband day"!
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."
BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
My Ovulation Chart
Thank you! My boys are a handful but when they do cute things like that it's hard not to fall in love all over again.
I hope things get better for you as the days pass, and I'm sure you're right, when the days come that she always wants daddy you'll be missing those tough times. Lol.
There's two to kiss, Two to hug, And best of all, Two to Love!
There's two to kiss, Two to hug, And best of all, Two to Love!
During the weekdays when I work, DH does the night wakings, whether there are two or three or ten. When I get up in the morning, I get ready for work and then wake up DS to change and feed him. He then goes down for an hour or two more and DH gets to sleep until he wakes up again.
On the weekends, we tend to alternate with me getting more of the morning shifts and DH getting the night shifts. This works for us, because I'm more of an early bird whereas DH is more of a night owl. We still share responsibilities when I'm home, but DH just has less responsibilities than during the work week.