DH would prefer I have a c/s instead of a VBAC...

kellelle01 · June 2012

and I obviously would prefer the other way around. He will support me with whatever decision I make, but I'm a little disappointed that he wasn't more up for me trying for a VBAC. I know he'll be by my side and help me through the labor if I go with a VBAC, but in the mean time, any advice on how to get him to come around a bit more to the idea of a VBAC?

monica92603 · June 2012

Well goody for him.....LOL. Sorry that was snarky.

What are his concerns? Nobody is going to prefer one over the other (either way) w/out having a good reason.

hmp1 · June 2012

Did he say why?

MomiJerz · June 2012

Im assuming his reasoning is fear of something happening to you or baby, of course we all know VBAC are common and possible but a man may not have all the info we do.

I say asking him politely is reasoning and share with him your information, also have him talk to your Dr about it at your next appointment.

PenelopePond · June 2012

I really wish I could get DH to give me some input. He says he doesn't care either way, and it would really help me to have him help me decide. As far as your DH goes, it's possible that since he knows what to expect with a csection he's just more comfortable. Maybe just tell him why you want a VBAC vs RCS and that will help him understand and get comfortable with a VBAC.

mrs.kapow · June 2012

I'm assuming it's out of concern for you, not convenience or anything, so I would remember his intentions are good and honest.

I'd just present him with the facts of complications, etc. with both and the potential for an easier recovery, etc. with a VBAC.

Good luck.

JulesDiane · June 2012

I haven't even asked DH for an opinion. I just assumed it is my choice. But really, from my understanding, it will be a lot more work for him if you get a c-section because of the recovery time. He will be the one having to chase your toddler, and help a lot with the new baby too! If you have a VBAC, hopefully you will be up and running around a lot quicker than with a C-section!

mrsjenni · June 2012

This is actually VERY common... I hear so often that couples disagree when it comes to VBACs. Men just don't understand how important it is to some women to try to deliver vaginally. All they care about is keeping their wives safe and healthy and delivering the baby with that in mind. Although I delivered both babies vaginally so far, DH and I discussed, in length, how he felt watching me go through that and he was terrified. The husbands have no control over anything and feel completely helpless.

I'm sure your husband only has the best intentions in mind with this and just wants you and baby healthy and safe, regardless of how that happens. And with all the precautions given to you regarding a VBAC, it's easy to see why he'd want you to just do a RCS.

Good luck hun!

kellelle01 · June 2012

AndreaR1983:
I really wish I could get DH to give me some input. He says he doesn't care either way, and it would really help me to have him help me decide. As far as your DH goes, it's possible that since he knows what to expect with a csection he's just more comfortable. Maybe just tell him why you want a VBAC vs RCS and that will help him understand and get comfortable with a VBAC.

I think this is his reasoning. I think he thinks it will be easier. Yeah right...lol. The recovery is not so easy. But, to him, since we've been through a c/s before, he knows what to expect. I think he's worried that things could go wrong with a VBAC or how much pain I'll be in.

gingerfamily · June 2012

My husband didn't understand why I'd want to have a VBAC. After I sat down with him and told him, he understood better.

Have you asked your husband what his reasoning is? If your dr is supportive of your decision I would ask your husband to come to your next appt. Maybe hearing from a medical professional would put his worries at ease.

kellelle01 · June 2012

mrs.jenni:

This is actually VERY common... I hear so often that couples disagree when it comes to VBACs. Men just don't understand how important it is to some women to try to deliver vaginally. All they care about is keeping their wives safe and healthy and delivering the baby with that in mind. Although I delivered both babies vaginally so far, DH and I discussed, in length, how he felt watching me go through that and he was terrified. The husbands have no control over anything and feel completely helpless.

I'm sure your husband only has the best intentions in mind with this and just wants you and baby healthy and safe, regardless of how that happens. And with all the precautions given to you regarding a VBAC, it's easy to see why he'd want you to just do a RCS.

Good luck hun!

That's reassuring to know! It kind of surprised me he had an opinion on it, but I know he's coming from a good place and is probably scared for me to delivery vaginally because he won't know how to help or if I can manage the pain.

Thanks!

freeatlast2014 · June 2012

kellelle01:
AndreaR1983:
I really wish I could get DH to give me some input. He says he doesn't care either way, and it would really help me to have him help me decide. As far as your DH goes, it's possible that since he knows what to expect with a csection he's just more comfortable. Maybe just tell him why you want a VBAC vs RCS and that will help him understand and get comfortable with a VBAC.
I think this is his reasoning. I think he thinks it will be easier. Yeah right...lol. The recovery is not so easy. But, to him, since we've been through a c/s before, he knows what to expect. I think he's worried that things could go wrong with a VBAC or how much pain I'll be in.

My DH is the same way as yours. And unfortunately my doctor is more pro-c/s for me than VBAC but she says I can try which ever if baby is positioned correctly. So I'm kind of fighting my own battle here...and I'm thinking I'll be waving a white flag soon. Just the thought of the c/s pain sends chills down my spine though.

KarBear · June 2012

If you want him to come around, just state the facts and positives of a VBAC over a CS.

For me personally, I'd just tell my DH to STFU...my body, my delivery

roxyttandme · June 2012

Personally, I would be disappointed that HE didnt get to push an 8 lb baby out of his vag after painstakingly carrying and growing it for 9 months. Oh, and 23 years of AF has been great too.

Sorry, I don't have much sympathy when men try to tell women how they should take care of women issues or medical situation...

mlf625 · June 2012

DH wasn't a big fan of the VBAC option, either, when my new OB mentioned VBA2C. I'd already had two c/s, the recoveries were simple and fast, and the potential complications of VBAC made him more nervous than those that came with a RCS.

Since I didn't want a VBAC anyway, it wasn't an issue. If I'd had my heart set on it we would've had to sit down with the doctor and see if that affected his views at all. I wouldn't have just discounted his feelings, though (the whole "MY body" deal) - we have two other children together and I do feel he has a vested interest in my health and that of his 3rd child.

terri_doula2010 · June 2012

I don't have much new info to add, but I agree with pps that it is common and that it usually comes from a place of fear in the man. If you had an emergency c-section especially, that was a really traumatic thing for him to have to go through and a lot of men aren't as good with dealing with their emotions or processing events like we are. It is easier for them to focus only on how YOU are doing, but it is hard for them to watch these things happen to us.

I agree with getting him to talk to the doctor or showing him research. Look up ICAN - they have LOTS of good research. I go to a local ICAN support group and it is wonderfully helpful to me, and after each meeting I come home and talk to DH about what we discussed, how I feel, etc. It helps him to think about how he feels too and we usually have a great conversation.

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