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Blended Families
Cullarose
member
To Invite or Not To Invite..
Cullarose
member
That is the burning question in my mind.. Little back story. I married my DH 4 yeard ago and now we have DS who will be 1 i July. DH has a grown son (29) who we see often and a grown daughter (almost 25) that we hardly ever see. I fact the first time she even met DS was at Christmas.
Question is do I invite her to her brother's 1st bday party or not? The moral part of me says yes because she is DS's big sister, but the other part of me doesn't want to waste the stamp because I know she will not come like every other thing we invite her to. FIW DH doesn't care one way or the other since she chooses not to interact with us.
So your opions please.
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Re: To Invite or Not To Invite..
This!
This is what I would say. Just invite her.
Is their some horrible reason you do not see her more? You seriously are worried about the cost of a stamp? Are you the same age as her, since you did not state there was a real reason not to invite her you are acting like a high-schooler.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
To answer your questions:
1) Is their some horrible reason you do not see her more? - I chose to marry her dad, she is and has been rude and disrepectful to me and her dad, she choses not to interact w/us. I have offered to arrange time for her to see her brother and everything else I can think of to make her feel part of this family.
2) You seriously are worried about the cost of a stamp? NO!!. Just a bit tired of beating my head against the same brick wall (Invitation has already been filled put and addressed to her it has been for days)
3) Are you the same age as her: No I'm 39
Ok, I am 37 and my SD is 22 and we have a long list of reasons we do not see her more (albeit those have mostly subsided and now she chooses not to come around much). We doing its her to family things like holidays or very large gatherings at our house, we do not invite her to the kids parties but she works on weekends anyway, I leave it up to DH to ask her and assume he has not for parties since DS 1st. But if she had a sibling her age I would ask her if I asked them, be the bigger person.
I would push the decision back on your H. It's his daughter. He needs to be responsible for the relationship (or lack of relationship).
Personally, if your H won't make a decision at all, I would send the invite. I wouldn't care if she came or not, but I would not want to be the "bad guy" who years down the road is blamed for not extending myself.
Another thought I had is if you didn't want to use a stamp you could email, call, or fb message. All of which are chaper than a stamp
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
I have had this issue with dh with his family members (not his children). There are family members of his that I don't care for and/or have moved and not provided us with a forwarding mail address - we find out after our Christmas cards have been returned that they are no longer at that address.
I tell DH "there is an extra invitatio for your dad" (or extra Christmas cards for your cousin, high school friend, and step-brother). If you want to send them out, go ahead, but I will not do it."
I DO clearly set aside invites and tell DH it is HIS job. I might run around looking for addresses for my family, but I won't for his.
For years DH did nothing, then last year he surprised me and found the addresses of around 10 relatives. It was not difficult or time-consuming to find out where they are, but it was DH's job, not mine!
I would also add.....DH has a sibling who was nasty to us and for years we tried to "be the bigger person," and send her invites (which she didn't rsvp to, because she "wasn't speaking to us"). Anyway, when we finally STOPPED sending invites, that is when she wanted to make amends and be one big happy family again. I have to say, it was DH's choice not to invite her (not mine).
Wow I totally hear you. I understand why you feel the way you do and ask the questions that you do. I feel the same way about events in our home and DH's 2 oldest daughters. They are closer in age to me as my husband is much older. I know this bothers them.
We are expecting our first child and I have to say I am terrified to even tell the two older ones who are less involed. The oldest is getting better, but the second oldest of the 4 (yes, 4...ugh) is very unsupportive. We didn't invite her over for Christmas this year as she was not speaking to either of us and spreading malicious rumours. She quite obviously was not interested in coming. Thank goodness we have moved beyond that. So it's hard. It's hard to keep extending when you know they are bound to act the way they do because it's a big let down, it's disappointing, and upsetting. You try so hard as a step-mom (not even trying to mother them but just being there for them....and getting shut down and shut out and treated like an outcast is hard when you as a SM try to be so inclusive.
I know it's not about the stamp. It's not about 30 cents. It's about the effort. It's about extending yet again to be shut down. It's hard. I feel you and I'm sorry we're going through such similar situations (I wouldn't wish these type of family issues on my worst enemy).
I'm sending you a huge hug. I say do what you feel is right. It was a big wake up call for my SD to not be invited to Christmas. We still saw her at MIL's but we did not invite her back here. I'm saying the non-invite I think worked for us. Gave her a taste of what it would be like if we decided to act like that....I don't think she liked that very much....
Sending you a huge HUG!