DH agreed to home birth, BUT ...

mAnYaSha · June 2012

He does not want DS to be at home.

The only time I got loud during firth birth was pushing and aparently I was loud enough that DH though everyone in the wing heard me.

I was thinking if I get to pushing at night, DS would sleep through and if it was during wake hours, my MIL could take him to the playground or a walk. DH does not think DS would sleep through if I got loud this time and does not want him in the house, so he does not get scared. If we cannot agree on this, then no homebirth. I want DS to be with us shortly after birth and I do not want to have to wake him up and ship him somewhere in the middle of the night.

We are going to discuss it with MW this week, but your thoughts/suggestions are welcome !

haleymay18 · June 2012

So either homebirth with no son there or hospital birth with no son there?

Doesn't sound like you have a lot of say either way, hey?

AndromedaEclipse · June 2012

Do you have a neighbor that would watch DS? That way he'd be close, but DH wouldn't stress you out about him being there?

shrtfrkgrl · June 2012

In my childbirth classes, we were taught instead of screaming to do low deep groans/moans. As gross as this sounds, she told us when we are pooping to practice then. Since we are using some of the same muscles to push while you are pushing do low deep moans/groans. My childbirth teacher is a doula and attends homebirths.
I am hoping to go through a water birth. Just depends on how my LO does. Good luck!

pinksweetpea2 · June 2012

shrtfrkgrl:
In my childbirth classes, we were taught instead of screaming to do low deep groans/moans. As gross as this sounds, she told us when we are pooping to practice then. Since we are using some of the same muscles to push while you are pushing do low deep moans/groans. My childbirth teacher is a doula and attends homebirths.
I am hoping to go through a water birth. Just depends on how my LO does. Good luck!

Yeah, that is what I did for my first birth...and then all of those instructions went out the window at my second more intense and fast birth. You really can't plan for this- you have to do what works best for you.

OP- Have your MIL come to the house and stay with your son when you are in labor. That is what my Mom did. That way she can take him out of the house if she needs to. My DD was at home through the night and I swear it was right after my Mom took her out to run errands and go to the playground was when I got REALLY loud (I was horse for a week).

I am SO glad she was not there. So, so, SO glad. I KNOW she would have been scared at the way I was carrying on. We called my Mom about 30 minutes after the birth and they came right back. It really worked out well.

stahlop · June 2012

Maybe talk to your MW about what other families with small children did to give you some ideas.

wifeofadam · June 2012

I spent my whole pregnancy with #3 planning to have my older two boys at the birth. During my home visit my MWs talked me out of it.

I ended up going into labor around 11pm, so we didn't wake our kids until around 1am when my contractions started picking up and the MW team was on their way. I ended up snuggling my boys on the couch through contractions for a while and then my FIL came to pick them up. To be honest, once I was in a lot of pain I was very happy they were gone. I know for sure that they would have woken up in the middle of it all, not because I was loud, but because there were so many people coming in and out of the house and taking trips past their room to the bathroom. I can't imagine how horrible I would have felt if they had woken up, been scared about what was happening, wanted me and then I was unable to care for them.

They came back once everyone left, I ate some food, and got a little nap. It was perfect. That's how I'm planning to do it again.

And my boys loved having their special day with my FIL. They had a "slumber party" on his family room floor with some videos and the kids talked about it for a while! They weren't upset about "being shipped off in the middle of the night".

Good luck with whatever you decide!

WearingRed · June 2012

With my daughter's personality I don't think having her at the birth is a good idea. She tries to comfort me all the time. It sweet but when I have braxton hicks (started getting them last week) I really just want her to leave me alone. If you do have DS at home with you. You need to have a person who is there just for him. And if it get too intense for him it should be someone you feel comfortable take time out for a while.

mAnYaSha · June 2012

Thanks ladies!

Perhaps DH will agree to have his mom there and then she can take DS out as needed whatever the time.

I did not scream, just grunted really loudly. Also it is either homebirth or birth center (not hospital), which was the original plan until recently. I was planning that MIL would come and just stay at the house with DS while we go to the birth center. Now I am thinking I do not really want to get into the car and go anywhere. And I want to bake a cake and probably clean the house. I wish I cleaned the house last time. I had a strong urge and I think it would speed up my labor.

The problem is, I would not want anyone besides MIL (besides MWs & DH) being around and I do not think she would be comfortable with homebirth. I told her "We decided not to go to hospital this time" and she slow-motion turned her head in a way that made me think of the exorcism movie.LOL. Then I said "We are going to a birth center and our nurse from Nathaniel's birth will be our midwife". MIL is a nurse herself, but I think she has more faith in medicine than natural stuff... May be it would not be as "weird" if my SIL did not go overboard with trying to treat what I believe really needs medical help with holistic methods.

barnwife · June 2012

FWIW, I have had 2 HB. With the first, I only made noise when pushing. And then it was just me moaning "get out!" with each push. Not very loud at all.

When A. was born, J. was here at home. We had a family member come to watch him. If he had been distracting or whatever, she would have taken him to her house. But he loved playing with her.

And I also didn't make noise for A.'s labor delivery for the most part. I only let out a tiny yell with one push. The relative watching J. later said she would never have believe there was a woman in labor in the house if she hadn't known.

And she doesn't believe J. even noticed my little yell.

I highly suggest having someone come over to be in charge of LO who can also take LO somewhere else if necessary. It's the best of both worlds.

LaurelBee · June 2012

I'm going to play it by ear with Ds. If I go into labor during the day, I will ship Ds off to family's house. If it happens at night, I'm going to ask my neighbor to either stay with him in his room (up stairs, away from where I will be birthing) or bring him over to her house for the night. all my ILs live in town, so I could use them too. But I just want Ds to be near by. And I don't even want my ILs near me if it can be avoided!!

eta- fingers crossed you can get your Dh totally on board!

PansyPants · June 2012

Is your sons room in a place where your mother/MIL/babysitter could stay close to him so that if he does wake up they can go right in and tell him that mommy's having the baby and he has to wait a little while before meeting his new sibling?Maybe have a special book or move a tv/dvd playing into his room just for that time and they can watch videos together if he does wake up. That way he won't be present, he won't be scared because he'll have somebody to spend time with him if he wakes up and to explain that its hard work to have a baby and that's why mommy's shouting.

Sawyerplus1 · June 2012

I agree you should talk to your MW and see if she has any ideas/recommendations, but also talk to family or close friends to see who could help you out or take LO for the night.

I think it can be really nice to have siblings nearby for home births, but it really depends a lot on the older LO, etc. If it were me, with my LOs the way and age they are now, I'd probably ship them out to my parents house, even if it was in the middle of the night.

FWIW, I was really quiet when delivering DS, but made a lot more noise (some very definite loud yelling) with #2, so you just never know how it will go! Good luck

pixieprincss · June 2012

My MW requires that someone other than dad be the primary childcare provider. We are still working out who that will be, but why not have that person come to your home and then if DS starts freaking out, they can go for a walk, drive, away for a few hours, etc. I have heard of kids being irritated that mom was loud, but not actually being scared about it. I am hoping that DS will be at our birth, but we'll play it by ear and see what each party is up for in the moment.

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