Baby Shower

crene84 · June 2012

I haven't posted in a while. We've just been on a break before one more medicated cycle and then on to adoption if it fails. I have tried to wait until we officially start the adoption process before worrying about this, but I think it's a very likely possibility that we will adopt and thinking about these things now makes it more real..more normal for me.

I've read some old posts about this and it seems most people wait until after they get the baby to have the shower. Are any of you having the shower before you get the baby?

My main thing is that my in-laws live in Louisiana, my family lives in Michigan, and we live in North Carolina. So, if we wait until after the baby is born, traveling will be a bit crazy and I'm not sure I'll want to do it..at least not for a couple of months (and I already know both sides want to throw us a shower)...and then there's the debate of what you need ahead of time, to be prepared for a last minute adoption. I kind of feel like once we've submitted our paperwork, we're going to start prepping for the baby, setting up the nursery and such. I think emotionally we can handle it..so I'm just not sure how much we'll need if we wait to have the shower. We are luckily blessed financially so I wonder if we should just forgo the showers. I just don't want to take the fun out of it for our families..

Thanks for listening!

erinmc1 · June 2012

We're waiting and doing more of a "meet the baby party" after we're matched and bring the baby home. We had calls for a couple potential immediate matches in February, and completely outfitted the nursery then so we'd be ready. So there's not much left on our registry.

My mom had talked about doing a shower in January, not long after we first went active, but now I'm really glad she didn't follow through. It could take a couple years at least to be matched, and it'd be kind of anti-climactic to have the shower, and then wait indefinitely for the baby to go with it.

silliestbunny · June 2012

My advice is always to either have a shower pre-match or after the baby is home.
We had several failed matches, and I think it would have been esp hard if we'd had a shower "for" one of the matched babies. Every gift received would have be ____'s onesie or ____'s crib. If you do it in advance of a match, you'll be getting gifts for a future, unnamed baby....

I know the difference is subtle but in the event of a failed match it may not feel so subtle.

The only other piece of advice I have is don't get too caught up in what's "right" vs "wrong". Each family and story is different. Do what makes sense for your family

ellekae · June 2012

silliestbunny:

The only other piece of advice I have is don't get too caught up in what's "right" vs "wrong". Each family and story is different. Do what makes sense for your family

This seems like good advice.

You'll probably want to have some neutral basics (car seat, diapers & wipes, a few 0-3m bodysuits and sleepers, bottles, blankets, pacifiers, pack-n-play or bassinet, sling or carrier) beforehand... and then get all the fun cute "boy" or "girl" stuff when you bring LO home.

Since we already have our DD and had multiple baby showers during my pregnancy, we won't need a ton of stuff for when we bring LT home. We'll probably do a "meet the baby" party at some point, though I doubt we'll have a registry.

crene84 · June 2012

I like your advice regarding having the shower either before we have a match or after we have the baby at home. We're fairly young and though this has been an emotional roller coaster, I'm still at the point where I can appreciate the upsides to not having a baby (travel, saving $$, etc) which will hopefully carry me through the craziness of adoption. But being "prepared" is a big deal for me and I'm such a planner. I'd prefer a shower before a match just so I can feel ready, but I just am not sure what others will think and just wanted some opinions. But you're right, it's up to DH and me and I'm sure our families will be supportive whatever we decide.

Thank you!

jenbabe · June 2012

I'm glad to see others opinions also. We are doing a welcome shower after we bring the baby home and combining it with his baptism when he will be about 1 month old. That way family will only travel once for both events. We were matched pretty quickly and didn't tell our families we were adopting until we were matched. I don't think that I could handle a shower before we actually have a baby in our arms, I've spent too many years dreading and hating baby showers because of our infertility. I started buying baby stuff as soon as our homestudy was approved just to be prepared. There isn't much left on a registry for us either but I didn't buy much for clothes or toys and we can always use more of the little stuff. I plan on doing cloth diapers so I can always use more of those too. With the baby being a month old at shower time I will have had a chance to find out what he likes and what I like that we'd want more of. I also think its okay to get stuff for older babies and just hold on to it for a while. I'm registered for baby food making stuff, toddler feeding stuff and some of the other toys like an exersaucer and high chair that we won't use right away.

crene84 · June 2012

Also very good points! Thank you!

Dr.Loretta · June 2012

Nope, we had ours after DD. She was 7 weeks old and we had a blast. We still needed plenty, and used just about everything we got. It was a lot of fun to have DD there.

Just my 2c. You may also want to ask here

https://pandce.****/index.cgi?board=adoption

Julie721 · June 2012

For ours, we did one a month before our DS was born, but just with REALLY close friends who wouldn't be awkward if it fell through. That got us some of the basics we really needed. We then had a "meet the baby" party with a large group once we brought him home.

I second what PP said about doing what is right for you. I originally thought that I wanted to wait until he was here to do anything, but my girlfriends talked me out of it, and I am glad they did. It was such a blessing!

summergirl79 · June 2012

We registered when we were going through the process and some close family bought us a few things especially after our almost match. We also bought the necessities and prepped the nursery. After we brought DS home we actually had 2 showers/meet the baby parties (one where I grew up since we stopped there on way home and one where we live) and it worked out well for us. I am a planner too so we did buy a lot on our own but still needed a lot so it worked out fine for us. GL! Do what feels right for you and your family :-).

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