Solve this bedsharing dilemma for me

KateLouise · June 2012

Our current set up is that I sleep in the master bed with DD2. DH sleeps in a single bed in the nursery. DD1 goes to sleep in her own bed, but will come and get into my bed at some point during the night.

WE started this when DD2 was born, but I would close the door. That way me and DH would each deal with one child and get as much sleep as possible in the early weeks, rather than both of us waking to both children every night. At that time DD1 would stay in her bed, but would often wake and need resettling.

So currently on a good night, DD2 will wake just once to nurse and I won't even notice DD1 when she comes and slips into bed with me, and we all get good rest.

On a bad night, DD2 will be fussy and hard to resettle. In turn DD1 will wake up and spend her time fetching bears, and going back and forth between her Dad's bed and my bed. No one gets much sleep.

So my dilemmas: I miss having DH in the bed but he's not keen to bedshare with DD2 (not sure why as we bedhsared off and on throughout DD1's infancy)

I'm not ready to give up bedsharing with DD2, although I'm moving closer towards that being an option. I'd really like her in my bed until at least 6 mths. The nursery is right next to our room, and her cot is literally 5 steps from my bed, so she wouldn't be far away.

I feel like if I don't allow DD1 into my bed in the middle of the night, when DD2 is there that she might feel rejected. In the past (before DD2) when we've walked her back to her bed it's just taken a couple of nights before she was STTN in her own bed. So maybe I'm imagining a problem.

Buying a king size bed so we can all just sleep together isn't an option.

Any thoughts on the best way to move forward?

pixieprincss · June 2012

Can you try sleeping in one existing bed all together for a few days or a week and then talk about what did or didn't work? Maybe the temporary nature will help DH try it out and then pinpoint his discomfort with sleeping with DD2. If your bed is too small for 4, put a couple of mattresses by each other on the floor, configure some sort of side-car arrangement for DD2 (or a floor bed for DD1 next to your bed).

If the one kid is waking up the other child/the parent who is trying to max sleep, they can move to the single bed in the other room as desired. On the calm nights, everyone can stay put.

I wonder if the key is to think of things as temporary and flexible--no one has to commit to any one option at this time, but you will all decide to give some different options at least a try.

3003girl · June 2012

Maybe try the sidecar with dd2 and DH in bed. ?

We still sleep in desperate beds at various points depending on needs. DH and I sleep better separately most of the time, but we sleep together for the closeness when we feel like it.

sugarbear0524 · June 2012

DH and I don't sleep apart unless it is necessary. I think you should put your older LO on a mattress on the floor in your room (if necessary, maybe start working with her on sleeping in her own bed) and put the baby in a co-sleeper, bassinette, pack and play etc. in your room. Keep your DH's wishes and needs in mind. He deserves a vote, too. I didn't hear much about what he wants.

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