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C-sections
RioG1978
member
Did you have a hard time getting over the disappointment of a c-section?
RioG1978
member
in C-sections
Were you disappointed?
I only found out Friday, and we're scheduled for Wednesday. At first I was okay - she's breech, I'm a FTM, need to do what's safest. I explored all of our options, tried to turn her, in the end the c-section is what is best.
But I keep reading birth stories of natural births (what i wanted) and I'm feeling so sad that ours won't be that way. It's a hard feeling to reconcile.
How did you handle it?
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Re: Did you have a hard time getting over the disappointment of a c-section?
Initially, yes. Then 2 days after my son was born, we found my DH's cousin (who was due only 6 weeks after me) had delivered their son and he passed away shortly after birth.
It really put things in perspective that at the end of the day, the fact that I had a healthy child was all that truly mattered. Of course, it's totally normal to feel sadness to not be able to get the experience you want when that's something you've dreamed of, but it's possible to get a natural delivery if you choose to have more children.
Oh yes.
I wanted a natural birth. I figured it was possible I would cave and get the epi, but I never expected a c section.
I blamed myself for awhile (I started the interventions - epi, then I got pit, slowed labor down, lots of internals=infection for mom and baby and c section).
I am working through it but yes it was hard. Espeically since I don't know if we can have more children.
You aren't alone. It's ok to feel sad. And I found it more upsetting when people said "at least your baby is healthy". Well, YES, of course, but that doesn't mean you don't get to be sad about how your baby was delivered.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
My OB mentioned it was a possibility at my second to last appt. I was devestated at the thought of it. It never even crossed my mind that it might be a possibility. I was induced at 41 weeks and eventually that ended in emergency C-section. When they came in the room and said they needed to get LO out her heart rate was too low I kicked into mommy mode and my need to protect LO took over my emotions. I was 100% ok with the Csection at that moment and I have not had any regrets since. It was a breeze for me though and I had a super easy recovery.
My Ovulation Chart
I was a little disappointed with my first because I had a hard recovery but I didn't have a rigid birth plan in mind so overall I didn't mind. It turned into an emergency so I knew it was best.
My 2nd one, I chose to have a RCS and am so glad I did. I had a great experience!
It took me a long long time to get over my unplanned emergency c-section with DD. Like you I dreamed of having a vaginal birth and having my slimy baby put on my chest right after birth. I did not get that, instead I got a really scary delivery, in a cold OR by myself without anyone by my side because I had to be put out for it. I missed my daughters first cry and getting to hear we had a girl.
This time was much different for me. It was planned, I got to hear my son's cry and while I did not get to hold him initally I was one of the first people to hold him besides my husband and a few doctors. No family members were allowed to hold him until I had the chance. The bond I have with him compares nothing to that of what I had with my daughter after.
That being said once I relized I needed to have a second section, I started looking towards ways to cope with the fact that I would never have my dream delivery (even though that has changed now). I started by becoming active on this board and talking with my DH and mom about my fears. In the end everything turned out perfect. I actually look forward to getting pregnant again and not live the entire pregnancy in fear like I did with DS.
when i was first told that baby is still breech and a c may be likely, i was bummed. but now i'm ok with it. happy to have a 'date' set and be in a little more control over when she arrives.
just took a week or so to process.
good luck to you.
DH and I had taken Bradley classes for 12 weeks in preparation for a natural childbirth. I found out on a Monday that I would have a c-section on a Thursday. At first I was sort of in shock, but I was worried about my health and DH and I felt this was the best decision for our family.
I had a fine experience. I did throw up a lot after the surgery and that hurt like heck, recovery stinks, but I didn't have any complications. I still sometimes wonder "what if" but not enough that it bothers me regularly. I will most likely try for a VBAC next time around as long as my health isn't a concern like it was with my first pregnancy.
This exactly.
I had fully expected to have him naturally and planned to. But when his HR decelerated one too many times and I was warned in advance that a c-section might be possible, I was okay with it. As long as he was healthy. The unexpected stay in the NICU was what I had to deal with and vaginal vs c-section was the farthest thing from my mind as I was recovering without my baby in my room.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
Yes. I still am disappointed, but such is life. Yes, it really doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy, but you're allowed to be disappointed. Does it consume me? No, and has gotten better over the years.
I'm thinking a lot about it now since I'll have to have my 4th c-section this fall.......
I had 2 breech babies (1 and 2) and wasn't allowed to VBAC with #3. I guess I handled it because I had no real choice......
GL!
The "natural birth scene" is full of warm and fuzzy birth stories, but everyone's birth experience is different.
We are not entitled to an uncomplicated, warm and fuzzy natural birth experience. And by having a c-section we are not missing out on some rite of motherhood or womanhood like some people make it out to be.
It might be tough, it might be scary, and it's always ultimately out of our control how it will all play out. For every beautiful natural birth story, there's a beautiful c-section birth story or epidural birth story, and so on. The opposite is also true -- there are scary, tough births of every variety.
All births are powerful and all are unique. Don't let your ideas of what your child's birthday should be steal your joy.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Robert Munsch
This is a great post - thank you for taking the time to write it! I am also in Ontario.
It's really interesting... I hired a doula to support me through this whole process, and since the c-section has been put on the table I have felt less supported by her. Not at all what I expected to get from her, and I do believe it has led to me feeling less than positive about it.
But your post is truly how I feel, deep down. And you made me realize I am giving someone else the power to take away my joy, and I need to not do that. I trust my doctor, I trust my body, and I trust myself and my husband to have made the right decision. There is nothing to be disappointed about.
Thank you.
I agree with so many mothers on this board. Yes I wanted a natural birth, I had it all planned out, no way could I have a c-section it was in the back of my mind. Until a month before I was due my OB said I could be looking at a C-section. Then as time went on and I was 2 weeks past my due date, my OB told me that he thought the best thing to do would be to go for induction. So two days later I was in the hospital, bed bound and uncomfortable (had to stay on my back so the monitor's on my tummy wouldn't move). The next day they broke my water, inserted a catheter, and monitors for heartbeat and contractions into my womb. 12 hours later they had me turning left and right, legs up legs down, side to side. It turned out every time I had a contraction little one's heartbeat would drop, after two hours with little dilation they decided to do an emergency C-Section. It turned out that two things happened in my womb, a. the umbilical was wrapped around his neck, and b. he was stuck in my pelvis he couldn't get his head past my pelvic bone. After that everything went smoothly, it wasn't what I planned in the least, I was definitely disappointed about it but what could I do? If I hadn't agreed to it I would have lost my son.
The pain was pretty bad until they removed the staples a week later, because that was what would pull on my skin when I moved around. Even now almost 6 mo. later my nerves haven't grown back completely and I have a numb feeling above where the incision was, also about twice a week I experience severe pain from the side of the incision site. I don't think my doctor did a bad job, because I healed wonderfully just a few side effects.
In the end yes I have a happy healthy boy but I wish I could experience a natural birth. It is how it is meant to be... right?
I have to have one next week (breech) as well, and just found out that there is a local Cesarean and VBAC meeting tonight!
Try a google search for your city and Cesarean support and see what you find!
I was in the same situation as you- last minute breech baby. Yes, I was disappointed, very much so. I'm still sad about it sometimes.
And frankly, I get really sick of hearing "all that matters is a healthy baby" or "it could be worse!" C/s are, for the majority of moms, less safe than a vaginal birth, and they set you up for a variety of other issues in subsequent pregnancies. Even if you have no complications, you're allowed to be disappointed that what you wanted and planned for is not happening.
Time helps. I would suggest not reading any more natural birth stories for now- don't torture yourself, kwim? Read happy c/s stories, or about recovery tips, or about breastfeeding or parenting. It gets better, mama. I won't say you'll be all "squeee, i love my scar!!1" in a week, but it does get better
edit: to sound more tactful
Hello there, fellow Ontarian!
I'm glad I could offer some perspective on the whole situation. I've had an unplanned and then a planned c-section and they were both wonderful experiences in their own way. I learned a lot after going through my unplanned c-section -- it was like running a marathon and then spraining your ankle right when the finish line is in sight! Sure, I was disappointed and felt like somehow I had failed... partly because of all the hard work I had put in, but mostly because of how "brainwashed" I was into thinking that natural birth was the best way to bring my son into the world.
A doula has less work to do during a c-section delivery, but you'll find it very nice to have someone there especially while they're prepping you (your hubs won't be allowed int he room until they have you ready to go/after the spinal). I was very thankful for my midwives support even having a c-section.
Your child's birth will be something you and your husband remember and celebrate for the rest of your lives. It will be WONDERFUL.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Robert Munsch
My 2nd c/s was awesome! A great experience. I have no regrets with either birth and don't feel cheated in the least.
I found out we were having a c-section about four days before having E. I was planning a natural birth with a doula, specifically to avoid a c-section! I struggled with it for awhile, and sometimes still lament that I never got to experience labor and delivery the 'natural' way, but I don't let myself feel that way for too long. I know everyone says this, but at the end of the day, E is here safe and sound, and that really is all that matters. We also chose to have the c-section due to E's size (predicted 12lbs 13oz, was 11lb4oz at birth), so I struggled with letting go of that picture I had for E's birth and electing to have something I spent months planning to avoid.
I know that I put E's safety above my wishes for a natural, vaginal birth, but I still get jealous of my sister / friends who have vaginal births. I may not VBAC for other births because my OB thinks DH and I will always make big babies. I did have a great c-section experience for the most part, and recovery was probably easier than what my body would have gone through with trying to deliver such a large baby vaginally. Plus, E and I are both alive and had zero complications, a result that may not have happened with vaginal birth.
Even though I know we did the right thing for me and in turn the baby by agreeing to an induction at 36 weeks for preeclampsia, and by accepting all the interventions and medications that entailed, and knowing from the get go that a c-section was a very strong possibility....the c-section was a huge disappointment.
Prior to the preeclampsia cropping up I was whole heartedly in the natural med free camp. I researched c-sections and DH and I discussed a c-section birth plan just in case, but in the end it was still a major disappointmentto me.
It obviously didn't help that I had an absolutely horrible and painful c-section experience where the epidural anesethsia was not strong enough and I felt a large part of the surgery as more than just pressure, but pain that caused me to scream out inthe OR. Having to deal with a recovery from all the narcotics they pushed to deal with the situation and not getting to start breastfeeding and bonding right after surgery just added to my overall disappoinment.
Luckily, my recovery has been quick and relatively painless. I felt pretty much back to my normal self only 10days after my c-section. Still my goal for my second delivery is a med free VBAC after a completely heathly pregnancy...will I get it? who knows, but that is my goal.
I had to have a c/s with both DS1 and DS2. DS1 was after long labor and stalled progress. DS2 I planned a VBAC but never went into labor then developed Pre-E. The first time I was upset but okay because I knew we were going to have another and I would try for VBAC. I was devastated the second time. I tried to get them to induce me and they wouldn't because of the risks.
I was horribly upset that it was my last chance to have a vaginal birth but also I did not have good experiences with my c/s both times. Both were not that great for different reasons and so now knowing that if we decide to have another child I will HAVE to have a c/s actually makes me think I don't want to have any more kids.
I was really emotional afterwards and couldn't talk about my birth story without breaking down and crying. It got better as my hormones went away but looking back on both birth experiences it makes me sad that I didn't have the chance to do what I wanted. Have a natural child birth experience without any interventions.
It definitely was hard for me, I had an emergency c-section, 3 weeks early, so I was not expecting to have baby yet, and I definitely did not think I would have a c-section...my pregnancy was normal and healthy, and at the very end I developed preclamsia....so I never prepared myself for c-section. The first month was hard for me, I was in alot of pain, uncomfortable, and yes I felt like I was missing out on going through natural birth, being able to carry my baby as soon as he was born, but he was taking to nursery right away, I saw him for a split second, then didn't get to see him for 3hours later!! (I don't think that happens in every case, baby had extremely low blood sugars and needed to be in nursery and monitored before they would bring him out to see me.) So for awhile I felt so depressed because the birth I had invision, or what I thought owuld happen, didn't happen. But it gets easier....let people help you!!!! I couldn't carry baby all day long, so dad stayed home with me for 2 weeks, my mom for another week..and then my sister after that.
Take the help and get as much rest as you can. your baby will always make you feel better, and knowing that a csection was necessary for the health of your baby will definitely make you feel better and make it easier for you to cope! and even though your birth story wont be a natural birth one, you will still have an amazing story to tell
I agree with this!!
I had to have a Csection due to severe hip dyplasia in both my hips. Always knew I would have to go that route. I was told one time by one doc that I could do vaginal, but ummm ya, no thanks after knowing how bad my hips were. So when people ask me if " I regret" my "choice" I just side eye them. I am sorry, I just don't get why people feel robbed. I say this because as the PP I agreed with stated, you get a baby in the end! Everyone wins!
Married October 16th, 2010
TTC #1 since October 2010
1st BFP 1-12-11
MC'd 1-22-11
2nd BFP 2-15-11
Our Wee One....**KENNEDY JO** born 10/3/11@ 36weeks via Csection
My BFP Chart
Labor Buddy to **MRS.ATCH** Welcome Quinn 11-5-11**