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Baby Showers
jennypasadena
member
Is this etiquette outdated?
jennypasadena
member
in Baby Showers
I have no idea if I'll have any baby showers, but I know my mom (and by extension, me) have always taken kind of a strict line on shower etiquette. For instance, she feels it's inappropriate for a direct family member (mother, sister) to host any kind of shower because it's asking for gifts for your family. As a result, one of my aunts hosted wedding showers for both my sister and I.
My mom is also vehemently opposed to including any kind of registry information with invites. I kind of agree, but at the same time, it's kind of a silly game - everyone knows a shower is largely about gifts - and knowing the registry info up front is helpful. But then again, there aren't THAT many places where people register for baby stuff, so realistically, your guests could figure it out or call the host if they wanted to know.
So, I'm completely torn. I actually do find it kind of rude to get shower invites with registry info on them, and it seems weird to me to have your mother host your shower. But then again, it seems like it's part of the new normal. Thoughts?
If anyone does offer to throw me a shower, I'm fine following whatever rules of etiquette THEY are most comfortable with.
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Re: Is this etiquette outdated?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
ECB is wise.
To me, showers are gift giving events, not "parties" like a wedding is. So, I wouldn't include registry info with a wedding or bar mitzvah invitation, but I would for a shower, where the sole purpose is to prep a mom for motherhood. I don't find registry information on a shower to be rude at all...but I DETEST it for weddings.
I can see where your mom doesn't want to host a shower for her daughter - that it might feel tacky to her to do so. And that's fine - she doesn't need to. I think she can if she wants to, but I can also see where she'd feel a little odd by it.
I actually don't think either piece of etiquette advice is out-dated, even though both are very commonly breached. But then, I can think of a lot of "cultural norms" that aren't very good etiquette (flipping off bad drivers, texting in the middle of dinner, etc.)
I know people always say it's more convenient to have registry info right on the invite, and I get what you are saying about it seeming kind of like a game to not put it on there, but in reality, even if showers are gift-giving events, it's gracious to be happy about whatever gift you get, rather than telling people exactly what to get you. There are some of us out there who actually enjoy picking out heartfelt gifts for our friends, especially when we are super-excited about their pregnancies, and it is definitely a buzzkill to see a registry blazing on the invite, basically telling you "Please don't get me whatever junk you were gonna pick out. I only want this stuff!"
And about moms hosting showers, Miss Manners says it's still wrong (because it's "cheeky" to beg for gifts for family members who something happens to), so I stick with her. She knows her stuff!
You and your mom sound like me and mine ... but in my case, she has been relaxed on the mom-hosting-a-baby-shower idea. I'm not entirely sure if it's because we live in such a small town where it's been hard for me to meet people (my age - I have a million "friends" her age!) or because she's just so excited to be hosting a shower for a grandbaby that she never thought would come. She also co-hosted the one I threw for my sister 2 years ago. She was totally opposed to hosting our bridal showers though, which at least for me was fine, because I was living somewhere else and had enough friends my own age who were more than happy to take up the task.
All of that said, I do think it's part of the new normal. Mom would never in a million years think to throw a 2d shower for either of us (nor would I want one as I find them super tacky). And the registry information ... I also hate putting that in the invites, but I'm totally accustomed to seeing it there. We are NOT doing that (in part because she is really inviting HER friends and I refuse to ask them for gifts. I asked her to pose it as an "advice shower" if she really wants to throw one). However, I have 2 registries going - one on BRU and on on diapers.com ... and unfortunately I have found that I needed to move most everything to the BRU because since I'm not advertising where people can buy me gifts, they are just going to the old standby. Kills me because several of the items (identical ones) are between $5-$15 cheaper on diapers.com.
I agree with this 110%!
Mom hosting - technically incorrect, but it's at the "seven forks at a placesetting" level of etiquette. In other words, Kate Middleton's Mom wouldn't host her shower, but Kate Middleton's friends' moms might. I haven't seen a shower hosted by the guest of honor's mother, but it wouldn't offend me.
Registry information - correct, it does not belong on the invitation. Guests who can't be bothered to spend literally a minute finding out where you're registered didn't really want to know, anyway.
I think that is all dated! Who cares who hosts the shower? As long as it's not yourself it shouldn't matter!
There is a right and wrong way to include the registry though, don't put it on the actual invite. I would include a small slip with it that showed where you are registered.
Guess I'm tacky then! My first shower was thrown by my oldest sister and it was a "family shower" with nieces, aunts, cousins, and a few close friends. My second was thrown by my other sister and it was a "couples" theme, so DH could invite friends, we invited a couple of my other friends/work friends and some close neighbors.
Also...my sisters included where I was registered at the very bottom of the invite. I would think that most people would appreciate this because I found most people ask all the time anyway.
I didn't realize either of these were no-nos and where I live, I don't think others do either because I have been to tons of showers over the past decade - wedding and baby, that were thrown by mothers or sisters and had the registry information included with the invite.
IMO, as long as you don't throw your own shower or have showers beyond your first child (especially if #2 is the same sex as #1), I don't see the issue with either. Like PP's said, the general baby shower concept is to "shower" the mom-to-be with gifts to help prepare her for motherhood...