seeing far-away friends

lrichmond86 · June 2012

I have to go to a wedding tonight for a friend that I was very close to in college. We aren't close any more and, in fact, he's been down right rude to me and DH for quite some time (he's a bit of a know-it-all, doesn't think DH and I are "right" for each other, and has made it quite clear that he doesn't think we'll last, although he did come to our wedding). I can't stand any of his friends and his wife-to-be dislikes me for some unknown reason. In spite of all of this I feel obligated to go to the wedding. Before we lost baby Gary and I was put on bed rest, they came to visit me. That was the last time I saw either of them (they live 2 states away). He's called me several times since our loss. The first time he called, which was approximately 5 days after we lost our son, he ended the conversation with this parting shot, "Well, this will certainly test your relationship. If you make it through this I guess it was meant to be." WTF?! Rude on so many levels. He's since said similar things and the more I talk to him the angrier I get. I know that he, and most likely some of his other friends from college, will ask me how we're doing, etc. and I just don't want to get into that tonight. My question is, how am I going to get through tonight without loosing my cool? Has anyone had to deal with insensitive friends in an environment where it's entirely inappropriate to tell them off? I'm also a little nervous that DH WILL tell them off regardless. I'm just really anxious about tonight. Ugh. All the new sh*t we have to deal with just plain sucks.

whiteroses05 · June 2012

I am sorry you have to deal with people like that! I havent been in that big of a social situation as a wedding were i havent been comfortable. I have been in group gatherings with a friend who I thought would be supportive of my H and I are going through but really hasnt. For, example I went over to see her right after my loss and her having her baby the day of my loss. I thought that with it being a week or so after I could handle it and I did ok. Well that is until she sat there and told me about her experience. Bc when asked her if she wanted to know about what happened. She turned to me and bluntly said no. Since then being around her is akward and she still wants nothing to do with talking about my H and I's journey.I guess my point is that is hard when you are trying so hard to be there for them and it seems like all they can do is say something or do something that lacks that support back. No matter his oppinions about your marriage, he should keep them to himself! I dont know you all that well but from what I have heard you love your h just as much as he loves u. You are a good friend for even trying to go and deal with his remarks. Let us know how it goes!

Bayberry12 · June 2012

Some people are just clueless. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I haven't really been around a lot of people since my loss, but the very few times I did go to see family, my husband and I agreed that if I felt uncomfortable at all, we could leave. Just knowing that it was ok leave at anytime helped.

I know it can be upsetting when people keep asking how you are doing, so maybe you husband can catch some people beforehand and let them know that you are doing ok, but don't really want to talk about it tonight.

weddedwife · June 2012

Wow what a jerk. Maybe tonight can be the swan song to this relationship?? I would just leave after dinner.

lrichmond86 · June 2012

Thanks, ladies. It was open bar so I got drunk on their dime, avoided anyone who might ask about the baby like the plague, ate approximately 5 cupcakes, and danced with my husband until it was time to go. All in all, social success as far as I'm concerned lol I don't know what I'd do without you ladies to have my back

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