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Natural Birth
ncjulia12
member
Quotes from my NB-skeptical DH
ncjulia12
member
Many months ago, we started planning for the birth, I came to you for advice on bringing my DH abroad the NB train. It was a huge argument/debate/frustration for a while and despite all your great advice and all the thoughtful research (reading, BOBB, birth class) and discussions we had, basically DH and I agreed to disagree.
I know that's not ideal because although DH will support me the best he can he really doesn't believe in the benefits of NB and would love to just have them hook me up to the epi first thing, but I'm completely at peace with it now. I have my doula and I'm prepared and that's fine.
So, this is not a rant or vent about DH- I just wanted to share some of his comments that have slipped over the past months (since we have agreed to disagree and basically don't talk about it anymore) that have really cracked me up:
After watching BOBB, "I understand what they're saying, but really, those women act crazy when they're giving birth. Wouldn't it be better if you were comfortable in bed?"
On the way to meet the doula, "You know this is a sign of my great, great love for you because really I think this is the most ridiculous, unnecessary thing in the entire world. That's all I'm going to say about it."
On the way back from meeting the doula, "No comment."
Discussing when the doula will arrive, "I think it's really weird that we're inviting this stranger into our house, but whatever. This is the only time I'll have to deal with this because by the time we have another baby, you will have gotten smarter and realized how stupid this is."
When I was crawling across the living room floor yesterday to pick something up because it felt better than standing, "Honey, just let me get that for you. It's really undignified for you to be crawling around like that." o_O I warned him if he thinks that is undignified, he better get ready, because "sh!t's about to get real undignified in the next week or two." He said, "Pregnant ladies shouldn't talk like that."
Like I said, I'm way beyond the frustration/convincing part of this process and have just crossed over into amused. I think he'll finally come around after the fact. Any other memorable quotes from other DHs?
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Re: Quotes from my NB-skeptical DH
All things being equal, at this point in all seriousness I would have a heart to heart with your husband. Tell him firmly that unless he has something positive or supportive to say about your choices in the matter, he needs to keep his opinions to himself.
That's a good point. These comments are over the past few months, so it's only been one a month or so and I find them funny now, but they won't be funny while I'm in labor! : ) I think he already understands that, but I'll make sure to reinforce that I don't want to hear anything unsupportive (even joking) in these last few days and definitely not in labor.
The opposite happened to me. With my previous pregnancy (birth May 2011), I wanted a hospital birth and my husband wanted me to stay home. Anyways a couple of days past EDD we switched care to a free standing birth center. Good thing my daughter waited till eights past EDD to be born.
About the hospital my husband said "It is a prison. Why would you want to birth there?"
Birth is safe as life gets - Harriette Hartigan
To quote my own DH while reading this, whom I also had to convince towards NB, he'd like to say to your husband, "Dude! You're an idiot!" .... "If you have to poop, are you going to have a doctor cut you open and take the poop out for you, or are you going to go to the toilet and push it out?" ..... "When you're working out and your legs start burning, are you going to ask for an epidural?"
Sheesh. Honey, I don't envy you. GL.
I'm glad you've come to terms with it. My husband would be in deep sh!t if he were saying things like that. Agreeing to disagree is one thing, saying douchey things is another. Mine would be lucky to be present at delivery if he was being that negative and rude.
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
I hope the birth experience changes my DH's mindset to yours, but it's not changing beforehand. Yeah, don't envy me- my DH is wonderful and intelligent and hardworking and a lot of great things, but he's also STUBBORN and really close-minded on this particular issue. It would be great if he was all those positive things and a great birth partner but I've just accepted he's not going to be a great birth partner. He'll do what he can, but I'm really leaning on my doula to be birth partner.
At this point, I just find the humor in it. : )
I'm glad you can find the humour in it now, and I truly didn't mean to offend, sorry if I did. I think that hiring a doula was a great idea.
I'm sure he'll change after the birth, and hey, he may even surprise you during the birth!
My DH is also very stubborn... and opinionated!
I hope what I'm going to say doesn't come off as offensive, but I really don't know how else to put it: your husband is chauvanistic. It's "undiginified" to crawl on the floor? Pregnant women shouldn't talk like that? He doesn't want you to "act crazy" during labor? And best of all, you are so lucky to have him even though he thinks your decision to go med-free is "stupid" and "unnecessary"?
Ditto PP: you need to have a come-to-Jesus talk with him. Even though you've agreed to disagree and have hired a doula, he will continue to talk like this to you during labor. He will probably, at every opportunity, remind you of how "unnecessary" your pain is, and honey, why don't you just get the epi so you can be comfortable? Truly, he is thinking of himself. YOU are the one delivering the baby, not him. You will need as much encouragement and support as possible, and you are obviously not going to get it from him. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't stop talking like that, and if he continues to do so during labor, that he will be welcome to hang out in the waiting room while you have the baby.
My DH wasn't on board at first with a natural birth, but after we started doing Bradley classes, he apologized to me for thinking I couldn't do it and said that he knew this was the best thing for us and our baby. Perhaps if you decide to have more children, you should take a class together - that's really what opened up my DH's eyes and changed his mind.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Not offended at all! Nor by other PPs' comments. When I was typing out his comments, I realized on paper they sound worse than in the moment, but really it's just funny to me and I knew others might have DHs with similar mindsets and find them funny too.
I'm really looking forward to seeing how his opinion changes after the birth- and like you said, maybe he'll surprise me in the moment!
Please do come back and update us on what he thinks AFTER the birth. Because as of right now, I want to hvae words with him.
I have to say, my DH wasn't unsupportive, but I would have classified him as largely disinterested. However, he sings a different tune after our successful natural hospital birth. Good luck with your L&D!
IVF # 1 ~ Antagonist ~ ER 1/27/11~ ET 1/30/11 ~ + HPT 7dp3dt
DD born med-free on 10/24/11
I appreciate you waiting. : )
I should have made it more clear, but he was at least half joking when he made most of the comments- especially the crawling on the floor/what pregnant women should be saying one/and the you'll-be-smarter-next-time one.
I'm really hoping to have a positive birth story to post in the next week or two! I won't leave y'all hanging.
You're the one whose pregnant and will be delivering this baby your husband should support you in whatever decision you choose to make! End of story!
Even though I had an epidural and hospital birth with my son it was single handedly the most difficult experience I've ever been through. Of course, I would do it again in a minute because of the great gift that I received in the end! I personally am planning on doing a med free birth this time in hopes that I feel more connected to whats happening and so that it will be a much more personal this time around, I was so disconnected the last time!
DH is supportive of NB, but my dad made his feelings known right after DS was born. The very first thing he said was, 'well maybe net time you can forget all that nonsense and get an epi.'
Grrrr...
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What a sweet thing to say! I hope you're right. : )
I'm sorry OP, but I have to agree. Your husband is incredibly disrespectful. I can't imagine giving birth with someone like that around.
GL and I hope he cleans up his act really soon.
if he thinks crawling is undignified, i'd love to see his face when you poo giving birth.
he sounds way more concerned with appearances and being "proper" than he is with the health of yourself and your baby, and just your right to birth as you see fit.
maybe he'd be more comfortable in the waiting room with a cigar.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
This is hilarious. Sounds like something my DH or FIL would say.
If he says one douchey thing in labour, please kick him out for a while. Give him a chance to think about missing his kid's birth because he can't shut his pie hole and be supportive. I'd probably relent when I started pushing... but only if he could shut up and hold my hand.
My DH would have happily supported any decision I made because I was the one that had to birth the baby. If I wanted an epi, he'd be fine with that. I didn't, and he was fine with that. I let him make decisions about his body and he lets me make decisions about mine.
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LOL, I was thinking the same thing. You should let him know that one of the occasional side effects of getting an epi is that you're unable to control passing gas. See if he thinks that is dignified
But in all seriousness... you go girl. Can't wait to read your awesome birth story.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
LOL, I was thinking the same thing. You should let him know that one of the occasional side effects of getting an epi is that you're unable to control passing gas. See if he thinks that is dignified
But in all seriousness... you go girl. Can't wait to read your awesome birth story.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
Uh, no. That sh!t wouldn't fly with me. You have a way better sense of humor than I do, because I would've already informed him that he can either shut it or be somewhere else during labor/delivery!
Seriously though, no offense meant, and I'm glad you can have that mindset, but you might want to talk to him and tell him to keep his comments to himself during the birth. I don't think you'll be wanting to hear about "how much smarter you'll be next time, right?" when you're in the middle of transition, lol!
I think this is exactly true. DH and I had NO idea what we were getting into for our first labor and delivery. It is intense, and as long as he's ready to support you fully, hopefully these comments are insignificant. I will say, however, that I needed the full support of my DH for my natural birth. If I were you I'd be really making sure that he's completely on board with this. I think the comments should stop.
That said, I hope you have a fantastic natural birth and prove him wrong. My experience was that it was hard, but it REALLY helpd me to be able to move around. You don't have that opportunity with an epi. Good luck and keep us posted!
This. And either way you're going to be pooping. There is very little about giving birth (and frankly most of pregnancy and parenthood) that is "dignified."
So glad you have a doula...I would be writing down his quotes and would love to read them back to him after I had an awesome NB. Good luck.
Oh and my DH has seen me give birth twice now and this time all he asks is that he "never, ever, ever has to see an episiotomy again!" I guess that was way worse than anything else with the births.
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
My husband is a big support for me during labor and delivery. He never questioned me on my decisions and I was lucky that I have quick deliveries with no interventions.
That said, I can totally see what you're trying to describe. My husband says absolutely ridiculous things that would totally offend most people, but its meant to be taken as a joke and I wouldnt want him any other way. He makes me laugh at the most ridiculous times. So I get where you're coming from. The fact that you can take it in stride just speaks to the fact that you are a good team. And that will make a huge difference when in labor.
Now, if he doesnt come through and support you and your wishes during labor, I too have words for him.
Thank you for saying this.
OP, your H needs to realize that regardless of whether or not you have an epi, birth is hard, messy, and "undignified." Pushing a baby out with an epi is in no way easy or comfortable either. It's too bad he can't get comfortable with that idea. I have a feeling he'd be shocked by a birth regardless of whether it was med-free or not.
Daughter born at 34 weeks due to PPROM, July 2012
Expecting baby #2, May 8, 2015
May 2015 signature challenge for January: "You had ONE job!"
Hey, I understand being joking and I'm glad you have a great sense of humor. It's hard to get the context of everything via written word.
In the beginning I wanted a home birth and my DH was pretty skeptical but supportive. In the end I was advised because of a medical condition to have the baby at a hospital. So we're trying the natural route and have a doula- however my DH still encourages epidurals ect.
I told him again today I'd rather not have on- they can lengthen labor (among other things) his response- "But that won't matter cuz you won't feel it." LOL