What does your DH think about TTC?

happy_un-bride · June 2012

Ok so mine is completely freaked out about it. He is 'on board' with having a baby, but he's still worried about it. It just sucks because he already stresses about it and we're not even KU. Just thought I'd see if anyone else is in the same position because i feel like it seems everyone else's husbands are interested in having a baby/TTC.

acesup · June 2012

are you both sure that he is ready? maybe you should sit and talk to him about what specifically freaks him out/worries him?

DH was nervous when we started TTC DD#1. he was on board, but was very worried about money and how hard it would be. he is a worry wort and gets nervous with any change though. once we were actually pregnant, he calmed down.

TunaTown · June 2012

We had fun with it. It took nearly 2 years (and sometimes very emotionally disappointing when AF arrived), but he had fun with it. He was ready.

happy_un-bride · June 2012

piglet6609:
are you both sure that he is ready? maybe you should sit and talk to him about what specifically freaks him out/worries him?

Ready? He's 37, ready or not. Seriously though this is something that's been on the table for a long time. We're more at a point where its now or never. Money, family, support, is not an issue, it's just not something that he's interested in. His comment is that he has a very old fashioned view on the subject. He has no intention on being in the delivery room, but sure he'll be a good dad.

Katieg90 · June 2012

Mine is extremely excited. After having sex he always says "we just made a baby I know it!". I told him it doesn't work that way, but he says being positive will help. I think it's cute and sweet that he wants it so much. Hopefully yours gets more into it as you go.

hgqbpq · June 2012

My DH is actually more calm than I am. I attribute it to me being type A, plan everything, control everything and he's definitely type B, totally laid back, roll with the punches. He's not overly interested in all the details of CM, temping and what not, but he's curious and will ask questions sometimes. I think he's pretty 'average guy' about it...he wants it, but he's not going to obsess or discuss it daily.

jenaw84 · June 2012

H is really excited about us TTC, but as months go by I can tell it's starting to get to him. We don't talk about it as much during the month, I think that helps in him becoming less stressed about it not happening yet. In the beginning he would ask a lot of questions and want to know what's going on, but he really doesn't ask anything anymore. He is aware that it could take us up to a year or longer, but he is looking at the fact of us being on cycle 6 so now it's like a halfway point (depending on how things go).

vpine · June 2012

DH wanted to start TTC a few months before I did, he's had baby fever for a long while know, he 'oohhss and awwws' when he sees babies, talks about what he plans to buy them, the games and toys, etc. I'm stressed because its been 16 months and I haven't conceived, I want to wait till 24 months to do IUI, he would like me to do it now, lol.

PinkRoses53 · June 2012

happy_un-bride:
piglet6609:

are you both sure that he is ready? maybe you should sit and talk to him about what specifically freaks him out/worries him?

Ready? He's 37, ready or not. Seriously though this is something that's been on the table for a long time. We're more at a point where its now or never. Money, family, support, is not an issue, it's just not something that he's interested in.

IDK, I dont think age automatically means he is ready or "has to" have children by a certain age. I just feel like kids are really tough and you both want to be on board. You have to do what works for you, but for me personally, I would be hesitant to have a baby with someone who has no interest in it.

Could you talk to him and see why he isnt interested and maybe calm some of his fears or hesitations?

That being said, my H wants a family and is on board but I know there is part of him that is nervous about the changes it will bring. He isn't super excited or one to talk about it all the time but that is his personality. I am nervous too and it we have been able to support each other in discussing our fears.

Twinkie0612 · June 2012

hgqbpq:
My DH is actually more calm than I am. I attribute it to me being type A, plan everything, control everything and he's definitely type B, totally laid back, roll with the punches. He's not overly interested in all the details of CM, temping and what not, but he's curious and will ask questions sometimes. I think he's pretty 'average guy' about it...he wants it, but he's not going to obsess or discuss it daily.

. This is my DH as well. He is not too interested in the details, although I have caught him looking at my chart. He also has to ask me every time I take an OPK if I'm Oing yet. He's not big on planning, but occasionally makes comments about what he will do with our children. So, overall I would say he's pretty excited.

Laurakat81 · June 2012

I think its normal for men to freak out a little. Heck, I think its normal for us to freak out a little too. But to answer your question, no, my husband isn't stressed about getting pregnant. He's more stressed that we'll NEVER have a baby. All the other stresses are just no longer important to us.

Leah112 · June 2012

My DH is completely on board....I actually think he is more excited than me to be a parent and he will be a good dad! His excitement only makes me more excited to get this show on the road!!

That being said I agree with PP that said you and your husband should sit down and discuss if he's not wanting or ready to be a father. A child is just definately one of those things that both need to be on board with because a child will be a challenge at times, even for the most prepared parents.

Goodluck!!!

EIsieMae · June 2012

My DH isn't nervous about having another baby. But we did have a loss a couple months ago, and he is nervous that it might happen again. I'm nervous as well, but I think that is gonna be a fear that both of us will have regardless of when we start trying again.

shelbeans82 · June 2012

hgqbpq:
My DH is actually more calm than I am. I attribute it to me being type A, plan everything, control everything and he's definitely type B, totally laid back, roll with the punches. He's not overly interested in all the details of CM, temping and what not, but he's curious and will ask questions sometimes. I think he's pretty 'average guy' about it...he wants it, but he's not going to obsess or discuss it daily.

exactly this!

LollipopsAndCrisps · June 2012

happy_un-bride:
Ready? He's 37, ready or not. Seriously though this is something that's been on the table for a long time. We're more at a point where its now or never. Money, family, support, is not an issue, it's just not something that he's interested in. His comment is that he has a very old fashioned view on the subject. He has no intention on being in the delivery room, but sure he'll be a good dad.

I hate to break it to you, but you don't just get to make that decision. You are a partnership, and your husband gets just as much of a say in the matter as you. No matter his age, HE gets to decide when he's ready, not you. You sound controlling and insensitive.

Although, his decision to not be in the delivery room makes him sound like a total tool, as well. Good luck you. You're going to need it.

RadonOrchid · June 2012

My H wants a bigger family than I do, so he's excited about having another kid. He doesn't care about details or anything, he just likes the trying =P

ricecakes1216 · June 2012

vpine:
DH wanted to start TTC a few months before I did, he's had baby fever for a long while know, he 'oohhss and awwws' when he sees babies, talks about what he plans to buy them, the games and toys, etc. I'm stressed because its been 16 months and I haven't conceived, I want to wait till 24 months to do IUI, he would like me to do it now, lol.

This is pretty much my situation. Except we have been TTC for 14 months now and are just coming off a loss. Last month he said that if we weren't KU he thought we should move on to serious treatment. I had to explain to him the process and exactly what treatment would mean.

Well, I got KU then had a CP. He was so cute when I told him that I was KU and so so strong for me when I had to tell him that I lost it. I thought that we would take a break until he gets back from deployment, but he convinced me to try for the next two months before he leaves. He's so sweet! It kills me that it's taking so long to give him a baby.

MAdams728 · June 2012

My hubby is not interested in the details. He does not want to know about fertile windows, cm or how long sperm live. And since we are only a couple of months in, and casually trying, I'm fine with that. As for being stressed out, we both worry. We worry about the change in our lifestyle, we worry about the economy and the future of our country, we worry about the future of our jobs. We worry about being good parents. That just comes with the territory, in my opinion. I would be more concerned if people didnt think of those things. You just cant let it consume you. We both know a baby will change our lives in every single way, and I think it's almost impossible to move toward that kind of change without some nervousness.

My hubby was always a little more receptive to the idea of kids than I ever was, and when I told him I thought I was ready and that it was time, he agreed (after getting over the shock, LOL). Neither of us have "baby fever", we just know that we have come to that point in our lives where it's time to start a new chapter....although I do catch him smiling at babies at the store all the time

I would have a problem with my husband not wanting to be in the delivery room, though. Big time.

xxrockstarswifexx · June 2012

LollipopsAndCrisps:
happy_un-bride:
Ready? He's 37, ready or not. Seriously though this is something that's been on the table for a long time. We're more at a point where its now or never. Money, family, support, is not an issue, it's just not something that he's interested in. His comment is that he has a very old fashioned view on the subject. He has no intention on being in the delivery room, but sure he'll be a good dad.
I hate to break it to you, but you don't just get to make that decision. You are a partnership, and your husband gets just as much of a say in the matter as you. No matter his age, HE gets to decide when he's ready, not you. You sound controlling and insensitive.
Although, his decision to not be in the delivery room makes him sound like a total tool, as well. Good luck you. You're going to need it.

Lolli took the words right out of my mouth. Keep going down the mental path you're going and you're probably not going to have a baby--you'll have a divorce. Or worse, both.

Beaglechon2012 · June 2012

I would say mine worries off and on, but he is not freaked out by any means. It's more concerns of - hey we are going to have to save money for college, etc. He is excited, and getting more excited as the process goes on.

CutieBean79 · June 2012

piglet6609:

are you both sure that he is ready? maybe you should sit and talk to him about what specifically freaks him out/worries him?

DH was nervous when we started TTC DD#1. he was on board, but was very worried about money and how hard it would be. he is a worry wort and gets nervous with any change though. once we were actually pregnant, he calmed down.

This was my DH totally. With #2, he isn't stressed at all. He knows it will work out.

BlueEyedDreamer · June 2012

happy_un-bride:

Ready? He's 37, ready or not. Seriously though this is something that's been on the table for a long time. We're more at a point where its now or never. Money, family, support, is not an issue, it's just not something that he's interested in. His comment is that he has a very old fashioned view on the subject. He has no intention on being in the delivery room, but sure he'll be a good dad.

Age does not mean that you want to reproduce. It sounds like he doesn't want to. You can't make him want something that he doesn't want. GL to you.

LiteraryFoodie · June 2012

When we first started dating (almost 10 years ago now!), MH was certain he wanted a family and I was unsure about it. Obviously the longer we were together the more the idea grew on me Wink

When we got our first BFN, last cycle, MH was the one who said he wanted to "do better" and start actively trying by timing sex better (we've been charting for years.) Watching his face light up when we talk about our future children is one of the great joys in my life.

I know that one thing that helped MH feel confident about TTC was reviewing our financial situation and understanding how a child will fit into it. We both realized that we were more than financially able to provide for a child, so it was more comfortable for us to proceed to TTC with confidence and joy.

However, if either of us did NOT want to have children, this would be a huge issue. Honestly, we probably wouldn't be married if either of us were not big on kids. Our goals and priorities for a family is something we've been talking about since before we are engaged.

BrittKav · June 2012

He was ready, but it took a lot of talking and he was a bit nervous a first. When I got my BFP we were both so excited and so glad that we TTC when we did. Then I had a m/c and he had a few days of not being sure what he wanted (same with me- we both thought for a bit that maybe we'd just stop with the two we have) but now we are both 100% on the TTC boat. We just have to wait around for AF...

OneHotMama89 · June 2012

He worries about the financial aspect of it and how it will affect us as a couple, but that's just the way he is. For a long time he never wanted kids at all, so he's come a long way since then (for that I'm grateful). I think babies just freak him out because he's never been around them. He's never even held a baby. I keep telling him that he will feel differently when it's his own child, but I don't know that he'll really believe me until he sees for himself haha.

HungryRunner76 · June 2012

I agree with what the PP have said to the OP. OP, you both have to be on board with the responsibility that it is to bring another human life into this world. If one of you are blatantly not, it's not just going to be difficult for you and your hubs, but for the child.

As for me, DH is overly excited. He is just as bad as me about wanting it to not take a long time so he's been just as disappointed in these first early months of trying and BFNs. He's a bit older than me and is worried about being the old man at high school graduations, etc. His only concern is the financial aspect, but that's just how he is.

teachingirl28 · June 2012

DH and I both knew we wanted to TTC, but I think at first it scared the heck out of us both. Like we wanted it for sure, but we just knew it would be a big change, will mean that we need to buy a bigger house in a few years (since we both want multiple kids and don't want to wait all that long in between kids), and will mean less money.

I think DH was certain we'd be KU the first second I came off BC because we had an unplanned pregnancy and then an early loss back in January when I was on NuvaRing. But of course, just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again! After we had our first BFN cycle, I think he was shocked that I wasn't pregnant.

I think it made him get more into it though, than anything. Now he talks about it all the time and says "Well, we need to make sure we're having sex a lot more so we can make sure this time." Of course - some of that is him just liking the "trying" part! He really is excited though, I think he's going to do a backflip when it eventually does happen.

melissa721 · June 2012

I'm having trouble getting past him not being in the delivery room. That'd bring up a lot of questions for me about not only TTC but just his commitment to being a source of support in our marriage.

synchrosally · June 2012

My husband needed to warm up to the idea of TTC #2, but once we decided to start trying he was excited and nervous at the same time. Now he's just excited, and he gets disappointed every month just like I do.

MirandaC77 · June 2012

MAdams728:
My hubby is not interested in the details. He does not want to know about fertile windows, cm or how long sperm live. And since we are only a couple of months in, and casually trying, I'm fine with that. As for being stressed out, we both worry. We worry about the change in our lifestyle, we worry about the economy and the future of our country, we worry about the future of our jobs. We worry about being good parents. That just comes with the territory, in my opinion. I would be more concerned if people didnt think of those things. You just cant let it consume you. We both know a baby will change our lives in every single way, and I think it's almost impossible to move toward that kind of change without some nervousness.

My hubby was always a little more receptive to the idea of kids than I ever was, and when I told him I thought I was ready and that it was time, he agreed (after getting over the shock, LOL). Neither of us have "baby fever", we just know that we have come to that point in our lives where it's time to start a new chapter....although I do catch him smiling at babies at the store all the time

I would have a problem with my husband not wanting to be in the delivery room, though. Big time.

My hubby is are the same. He would rather not know the details. We talked about having kids for a while now.. waiting.. planning, mostly for our debts to be paid off so we knew we would have extra expendable income. He may not say he is excited but he always says sweet things, like last night he rolled over wrapped his arms around me and said "you are going to be the best mom, i love you". He is great with our friends children and excited to be the godfather to he best friends son.

In this day and age I don't know how people can't be a little worried about what the future holds for the economy.. and the direction our country is going.

Svenny1011 · June 2012

hgqbpq:
My DH is actually more calm than I am. I attribute it to me being type A, plan everything, control everything and he's definitely type B, totally laid back, roll with the punches. He's not overly interested in all the details of CM, temping and what not, but he's curious and will ask questions sometimes. I think he's pretty 'average guy' about it...he wants it, but he's not going to obsess or discuss it daily.

This, for me, exactly. He wants to know some stuff, but rolls his eyes when I talk about it too much. It is great - he's teaching me to not think about it so much. He always got annoyed about me temping a few years back, so I stopped. Interestingly, I'm temping again and he hasn't said a peep about it - to me, that is a sign that he's more "ready" than ever.

HiLLjO · June 2012

Sorry the excitement is a bit one-sided at the moment. Hope it gets better.

Hubs is very excited to TTC. When people ask us what we'd like (boy or girl) he chimes in before I have a chance with "GIRL!" I think he's adorable.

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