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Late Term and Child Loss
weddedwife
member
Rough week ***rainbow pg mentioned***
weddedwife
member
It's been a tough one. Tuesday night driving home I just lost it, started crying uncontrollably and was still crying when I got home. It's been a long time since that happened, I used to just bawl every night on my drive home. So I guess I was just due for one. MH just held me when I got home.
Maybe it was the anticipation of Wed. My friend whose son was born a month after my EDD came over and I met him for the first time. The visit was actually okay. I think it helped that I had let my emotions out the night before. I held her baby!!! I am so proud of that. I didn't cry. He is not my baby; he's not the baby I'm missing. She has been pretty good to me through all of this- gave me space when I needed it, texted a lot, understanding, etc. We talked some more during our visit. It's nice to be with someone who is willing to talk with me about it.
Parts of it were hard though. There are definitely conversations I can't have with her about her birth experience, etc., because they just make me sad. I pulled out DD's high chair for her older son to sit in while we had lunch and I had to dig into the baby stuff to get it. Ugh. I also brought out the bouncy seat for her new baby. DD was rocking him in it and I just got so sad all of a sudden, thinking my baby should be in that seat, that DD should be rocking him. She was so sweet to that baby; she deserved a baby brother too 
Then Friday night I had a huge scare w/ my rainbow pg. You can read my post on PgAL if you want the details, but basically I started bleeding heavily and had to go to urgent care. Somehow, amazingly, everything looks okay for now but I'm still so nervous. I am exhausted from this week! Thanks for listening.
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Re: Rough week ***rainbow pg mentioned***
I am so sorry that you have had a rough week. It seems like sometimes after I haven't had a good cry I just lose it. It was great that you were able to hold your friend's little boy. I know that it must have been really hard on you, but you did it!
You have been on my mind, and I am so glad that your baby is doing okay. You are in my thoughts and prayers. ((Hugs))
Remembering Robby
Sending you HUGE *hugs* Lovey!
I'm so sorry you had such a tough week! I'm proud of you for taking that step and holding that baby. You're absolutely right, that is not he baby you are missing. It's just one more step...
I read your post on PgAL and within the first few lines I was teary eyed. I have everything crossed and have been sending T & P your way that this baby is growing perfectly and that you don't have anymore scares like that!!!
As for the meltdowns...I think sometimes we just need a really good cry. I had a HUGE meltdown off an on Wednesday. It was one of those "total waste of make up" days....and I had no "reason" to cry.
Hang in there!!!
I am really sorry you are having a rough week. I hope this week is wonderful to make up for the last crappy one.
Hugs,
Jenn
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.