How do you know... — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

How do you know...

When is it time to get help. My LO is now 8 weeks and I'm still having a hard time. I had a really hard time the first 2 weeks then everything seemed to get better and I was actually able to take care of my son and leave the house and what not. I should preface by saying I've always wanted a family and our precious baby was certainly planned but this has just not gone how I expected. I was extremely sick my whole pregnancy and actually almost lost the baby during delivery. I think I still have this guilt that somehow my body couldn't sufficiently handle pregnancy. Now my son has colic and screams all.day.long. This has only magnified all my other emotions from pregnancy, labor, and those first few weeks and now I find myself alone, angry, and frustrated. Last week was by far the worst especially with LO screaming for 4 days nonstop with no help from my family or my DH. I just don't really know what to do and I honestly feel like the worst mother of all time. This was always something I've dreamt of, but I never thought I would have such a disconnect and unattached feelings toward LO. Please help.

Re: How do you know...

  • First, you're not the worst mother of all times. The fact that you are worried about your LO tells me that you are just like the rest of us... A caring mom having a hard time. 

    If you're questioning if you need help, than you probably should seek it out.  I talked with my nurses and drs. about my feelings and was given the name of a counselor. You might just need to talk to someone. From there you and your drs. (or counselor) can decide what you need.

    I understand your feelings toward your body. But know that there was nothing you could do, other than get the care that you did, to bring your LO into this world. Things happen for a reason (that's what I keep telling myself).

    Take it easy on yourself, Momma. You are doing the most challenging and most rewarding thing known to man... Give yourself a break. Last I checked, there is no "perfect" when it comes to parenting, we just do the best that we can... 

    Keeping you in my thoughts. :) 

    Married my Best Friend on 7/8/07 Welcomed our very own Little Miracle on 2/9/12 Life is GOOD...
  • First, this board can be super slow, so hopefully you get the responses you need quickly.

    MY LO was colicky and it was hell. I promise, it will get better in time. BUT for now, get help from a psychiatrist. Get on some medication or go to therapy. My therapist was so great.

    I, Like you, had a planned pregnancy. However, my LO wasn't exactly what I had "planned". I wanted a calm child who could play by itself for a little while I took a shower, or a freaking pee, but he needed to be held, and even now, sits on my lap from time to time when I am in the bathroom.

    My therapist helped me come to terms with what I had, and allowed me to come to terms with my feelings about my LO. While I loved him so much, I often regretted having him. This, she told me, especially given my circumstances was normal. She taught me some skills that helped me through.

    Good luck, feel free to PM me if you need more support. There are also support phone numbers for moms of colicky babies. I understand now the campaigns for "never shaking a baby" because there were a few times where I could have easily shook him just to get him to stop crying. 

    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2f.lilypie.com/4B2Um7.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>
    [IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/1h7zab.jpg[/IMG]
  • Loading the player...
  • Thanks for being so supportive. I saw my OB today and she was also incredibly supportive and really took time to listen to me. I think I really needed that and I was able to open up and not feel stupid or judged for my feelings. I'm thankful to know I'm not the only mother out there that feels this way. My mother also bought me Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields.... It's pretty amazing. Thoughts and prayers to all of you mommies!
  • Sometimes just talking about it to someone else is so helpful.  I saw a psychologist 3xs and it was wonderful.  I think it would be helpful for most moms to just get out and talk to someone because there are a lot of feelings and a lot of guilt, anxiety and confusion as to how we feel after having these little people.  I knew after about a month that I need someone to talk to because I just wasn't feeling better or like myself.  I had a lot of anxiety and guilt since I was on bedrest for PTL and IUGR.  I had a great OB who referred me to a great psychologist who just listened and helped me sort out these feelings.  It was nice to have someone listen provide feedback, and help me set some goals to make things better.  I am feeling better, back at working out and running (something that has been my natural stress reliever for years), communicating with my husband better, and loving and enjoying my little baby.  

     I think if you asking yourself if this is something more than the blues, that it is important to just ask for help then.  Yes many of us go through this, do we all need a therapist, meds,?  Maybe not but waiting longer may just delay us in getting help. Sometimes its as simple as talking to someone. 

  • I know from my experience that it is hard the first couple months. My sons 3 months old and I love him to death and that's why I went and got help. My past couple months I have had my fair share of ups and downs like crazy. Its hard bc I have felt guilty that I am trying to get my self back in school, and on track. I also feel that I am not doing a good job as a mother and girlfriend. I have had depression and anxiety my whole life but after my pregnancy it got worse. What pushed me to go get help was after I had a really bad episode; for 3 days all I did was cry and sleep and I didn?t want to do anything but set around with my son. I didn?t feel like cleaning up the house going out talking to anyone. so I decided that weekend that I was going to go to the doctors and talk to find me a counselor and get me back on medication. Yes it was hard to talk to a stranger about my personal life but it was also helpful because they are very objective and supportive. yes I have my up and down days still and there are days when I still feel guilty and depressed but i know that i love my son and aim doing everything i can to do what?s best for him. I am also looking into parenting groups bc my counselor said it may help bc she said it helps to talk to moms that are going through the same stuff.

    If you need to talk more please cantact m bc i know it helps talking to others!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards