Would you go, or not go?

MommaJB · June 2012

I'm just curious what other FTM would do in the same position as me. I know that leaving your baby overnight for the first time can be emotional, so I'm trying to make sure I make a good decision without being too overly emotional.

I am in my brother-in-law's wedding this summer. The bachelorette party is being held out of town for two nights when DS will only be two months old. My initial instinct is that I do not want to attend for a couple of reasons: It will be my first week back to work so DS will already be getting used to being away from me and DH during the week; we are going to start sleep training when DS is two months old so I'm concerned about having him have to adjust to sleeping in his own room and not being able to nurse for two nights at the same time as getting used to a daycare provider during the day - also concerned about having to pump to start back to work and for a weekend trip all at the same time. My lactation consultant told me to be careful about not adding too much stress right when I go back to work because it can interfere with milk supply, so I'm not sure it is the best time to be away overnight for the first time.

I don't want to be a bad bridesmaid and friend, but I also want to do what's best for my new little family. I think the bride will understand (I don't want to play this card, but she did not attend my bachelorette weekend when I got married because she wasn't a fan of the activity, white water rafting) - however, I'm worried that her maid of honor is a bit younger and less mature and will make things into a bigger deal than they really need to be and may egg things on a bit.

What would others do in this situation?

hurricanelydiaa · June 2012

I wouldn't go. For me, it would be too stressful, especially combined with going back to work right around the same time. It sounds like the bride will understand, but if you are still worried about hurting her feelings, maybe you could offer to take her to dinner for a "girl's night" at some other time.

bellelamb · June 2012

I would not go, I wouldn't leave my two month old for more than a night. I also wouldn't leave my baby the same week as going back to work, going back to work is hard enough adjusting to being away is hard. But that's just me, I didn't leave my first over night for three years and my second until six months. I would think the bride should understand.

winter-shock · June 2012

I wouldn't go, but I never left DD1 overnight until she was 18 months old. And I definitely will not be leaving DD2 overnight until she is weaned, so likely not until 9+ months

JNoelleE · June 2012

I was just in my friends wedding, and ended up leaving my lo at home overnight at 4 weeks. The wedding was an hour away from home, and since I had to drive up to the rehearsal dinner, it didnt make sense to drive up there, to come back, to wake up super early the next morning and drive back up. I felt safe leaving because lo was at home with my husband, and unfortunately breastfeeding hasnt been working out so we have been supplementing with formula. That was another big reason I felt like I was able to go. I brought my pump and checked in with my husband every couple hours, and felt completely fine!

I would probably go for sure if I was you-if it was for 1 night. Being 2 nights, I'm not so sure. I would tell your friend you will have to wait and see when it gets closer to see how you feel then. You could feel totally fine about it, or completely freaked out about it. You just have to wait and see.

becketts · June 2012

If it was just for one night I would go, but probably not for two. Any chance you could join them for just part of it?

MelissaMiso · June 2012

If it was an event that I would want to go if the timing was different and my little one was staying with capable and loving people, I would go. At two months it seems like it would be a good break.

fisherseamon · June 2012

I would go and enjoy yourself if you are confident in your spouses ability to hold down the fort and if he doesn't mind doing it. I travel for work and will have to leave for 1 to 2 weeks when I return from maternity leave and I will miss my little man but know my hubby can handle it. You can't stop living and working because of the baby.

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