- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
December 2012 Moms
KiraH28
member
Am I going to chicken out in labor?
KiraH28
member
So, I've been thinking that I'd like to have a natural birth. However, I'm terrible with pain. Like, AWFUL. As in, I stubbed my toe this morning and cried. My biggest fear is that I'm going to chicken out and ask for the epidural once I start labor, and be disappointed in myself. Also, to make matters worse, DH has made it clear that he thinks I will ask for the epidural. And yes, I know it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. But would I be better off just going into it planning on getting the drugs? Or should I try for the natural birth? Thoughts?
Married 1/28/11
DD #1 born 11/28/12
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I going to chicken out in labor?
I think you need to ask yourself why you want a natural birth. I've had homebirths (so obviously natural) and for me, after researching medicated vs. natural births I felt more comfortable with a natural birth. I then researched hospital vs. homebirths and came up with my decision. After making my decisions I read books like Ina May's childbirth book that provided a lot of inspiration to me and I also read a Bradley book. I took no classes and my midwife prepared me very well for our births. I had a waterbirth and loved it- it was very beautiful and fun (dare I say fun!) and totally managable. Its my opinion that your body was designed to give birth so let your body to the work. Of course it hurts when you break a bone, etc. because your body isn't meant to do that but a woman's body was designed to give birth so I found birth to be managable.
I wanted to add I loved the book "A Thinking Women's Guide to a Better Birth" very non biased (I thought "Pushed" was way too bias).
I think you would be best off going in thinking that things could go either way and that if the pain is bad enough, you will ask for the epi and will not regret it, but if you are doing well and breathing through the contractions, then you won't ask for it.
Whatever you do, don't go in thinking that you will have a natural birth no matter what, because you are setting yourself up for guilt over something you should feel no guilt over at all. If you need pain meds to get through, then that's what you need. What's important is that you have the energy at the end to do the pushing you need to get that baby out. Do what you need to do to get to that point.
At the same time, you can try to prepare yourself as much as possible for natural birth between now and then, learn the breathing techniques, or whatever technique you choose. Do the research, know what you would like to see happen, and then let it happen when the time comes.
Please don't ever feel guilty for asking for pain meds, (or for needing a c-section if it comes to that). These are things that are trivial in the long run, and all that matters is getting that baby out safe while keeping you safe in the meantime.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
I had a natural birth with DD and it while it was very painful, it was one of the most amazing things I have ever done, but I know a lot people wouldn't see it that way. I am actually really looking forward to this LO's birth.
What is your motivation for a natural birth? When you are in the midst of transition and intense contractions, is it going enough motivation to keep going? Because honestly a lot of women who go in thinking they are just going to try and wing it per say, end up with the epi.
I recommend to any mom, those who want a natural birth or those that plan on getting the epi to research all the different types of interventions, big and small. Know the pros and cons of each one. You don't automatically need an IV and can get a heplock instead. You don't have to stay in the hospital bed. Even with the fetal monitors, I got out and moved around. The pain was so much less when I was standing up.
If you end up with getting an epi, it's not the end of the world either. Sometimes it's exactly what mom needs to relax and progress. You need to do what's best you and your baby. That is all the really matters in the long run. Healthy mom and healthy baby.
Honestly I think the people who end up disappointed in their labor experiences are the ones that had very rigid ideas of what they wanted and what they thought the "perfect" plan would be.
The ones that seem the happiest (with natural, epidural or c-section) embrace that no matter how the baby gets here, as long as mother and baby are healthy that is what is most important.
Be open to whatever will happen will happen.
That being said- I had an epidural (most amazing thing ever! I'm actually looking forward to it again), but due to certain circumstances had it turned off 3 hours before my son was born, so in the end I felt everything. It was excruciating and I would have sold my husband to have it turned back on.
There are a few ways to look at it...
If you plan for and really work towards a med-free labor & delivery without knowing what birth is like and what you're in for, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment if you get there and it really is just too hard.
That said, I took several childbirth classes where the instructors said that if you're committed to a med-free birth, you're far more likely to have one than if you go in with the "we'll see how it goes" mentality.
So really it's up to you how committed you are to the idea of it and how much you want to prepare for it. It was very important to me, so I took Bradley classes, did a lot of reading of birth stories, spent a lot of time on the "Natural Birth" board here on the bump, hired a doula, saw a midwife, toured two hospitals and picked the most "natural birth" friendly one to deliver at...and actually this time, we'll have a home birth.
^ all that said, my priorities were ALWAYS - 1) healthy baby & mom, 2) vaginal birth, 3) unmedicated vaginal birth. In that order, period. To suggest you can't be VERY prepared and committed to a med-free birth and have a healthy mom and baby be your #1 priority is silly and short-sighted. Most, if not all, moms are.
Now, for my experience...I had a really fantastic labor. In Bradley, they have you visualize labor a lot...how you'd like it to go, etc. Mine was exactly as I imagined it. I was not scared or panicked when I went into labor. Labor pain was intense, but never like an "ouch" pain (until the end...I'll get to that
). It was NOT like stubbing your toe or breaking a bone. It was like a wave...a building and a release. Contraction don't start hurting and then hurt until the baby comes. They build, and release, and give you a break. Those breaks are meant to re-energize and recharge you. When you stub your toe, it hurts like your body reacting to an unnatural, unproductive trauma...and it doesn't hurt for a minute and a half and then stop hurting completely. KWIM? Contractions start to hurt, they hurt a little more, a little more...to a peak...then they hurt less, hurt less, hurt not at all...and then you hurt not at all for several minutes. It can be totally manageable. Or at least, that was all my experience.
When it eventually did hurt and didn't stop hurting, and there was little building b/c it was all just OUCH and there was double-peaking and I was really unsure if I could carry on like that (although, I never actually thought to ask for something to help me with the pain besides, "get the baby out of me!!")...I was 9+ cm and ready to push.
What I learned in a lot of natural childbirth classes and stories was that if you're committed to it, in all liklihood, you won't feel like you "need" an epi until it's too late for one. And then hopefully you have a support in your H or your doula or whomever to remind you what you're doing, why you're doing it, and how far you've come already.
ALLLLLL that said, I truly believe all women experience labor differently and experience pain differently. But I am NOT a tough girl...I wouldn't put it past me to cry from a stubbed toe, hitting my funny bone is agony, I'm in misery right now b/c my throat and head are killing me...but labor wasn't that hard. It was totally and completely manageable. And the after-effects of the hormone surge from doing it without medication was amazing and worthwhile. Every woman should be so lucky to have the labor experience she hopes for...I really hope whatever you decide, you get that! Good luck to you
Thank you so much, and thanks to everyone else as well, for sharing your experience. I know I have a lot to think about, and I plan to educate myself in the coming months as I come up with a plan for L&D.
well said. Also, it's not at all helpful for your DH to be "betting against" you no matter what. tell him to adjust his attitude (a nice swift flick to his *** is not uncalled for).
Sure you can go in thinking you want natural but I'd suggest just keeping your mind open to all things. Your labor might be quick. You may only have to push twice. You just never know how it's going to go.
I knew I wanted an epidural and by the time I got to the hospital I was already 7 cm. I probably could've done it without looking back. But I immediately asked for it.
If you decide to get an epi, you aren't 'chickening out'. Just prepare for the birth you want knowing that things can change and in the end you want what's best for you and your baby (whatever that may be).
I would suggest:
Reading, "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth." It has a collection of beautiful, inspirational stories as well as practical advice.
Looking into a class such as Bradley or Hypobirthing (this is what I did and I loved it!).
Consider hiring a doula since it sounds like your DH is less than supportive.
Talking your plans over with your health care provider to see if they are on board.
Also did you know there is a 'natural birth' board? Come and join us
For what it's worth I do not consider myself to be tough by any means, but never once during my 17.5 hours of labor (hospital birth) did I even entertain the idea of getting an epi or any kind of medicated pain relief. Contractions are so different from any other kind of pain. They are very natural like a wave going through your body, it starts, builds, peaks and then washes away. In between contractions you feel pretty good, so you just focus on taking it one at a time, not thinking about the next one until it comes and you will do just fine. Labor is intense and requires all your concentration, but honestly I wouldn't label it as 'pain' at least not the way we typically experience pain.
Obviously it's completely your choice. I've done both and I loved my epidurals but I also made it through a completely med-free birth.
When I was pregnant with my first and looked into the advantages/disadvantages of epidurals I really just didn't see any reason not to get one and so my labor plan was to see how things went and get the epidural when I felt it was good time. Things went great and I never felt any pain, just pressure. With my second delivery my plan was the same except things happened differently and very quickly and by the time I got to the hospital it was too late for any kind of pain relief. It hurt and hurt a lot. To me it was painful in the same way other things are painful, there wasn't any of this "it's a different kind of pain" stuff. No, it hurt like h*ll and burned like I was being jabbed with a hot poker. But, I got through it, and would have probably gotten through it better had I researched med-free births more. With my third the epi only half worked so it hurt somewhat less than being completely med-free but still hurt but I was better with the pain because I knew what to expect.
My point here only being that either way you plan you aren't the one in complete conrtol over how your labor goes. You may decide to get an epi and have it not work. You may decide to go med-free and experience the worst pain you've ever felt and ask for an epi. My advice is to look into doing it med-free so that even if that isn't your choice in the end you're prepared in case that becomes your only choice.
And, if in the end you do ask for an epi or other kind of pain relief, that hardly means you chickened out. All it means is you went another way and anyway that brings you a baby is the right way.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
i just want to leap in here and say that i think women are terrorized by the "natural" vs. "unnatural"/ medically assisted birth question. honestly, what is an "unnatural birth?" one where a green-skinned alien pops out of your abdomen? all births are natural, because they start and end with your body and the birth of a brand new human being - not a robot, not some GMO hybrid cooked up in a lab somewhere. its a NATURALLY occuring human being.
i understand people wanting to experience the sense of their body doing what it was designed to do without the help of modern medicine, but honestly, lMHO who cares if you need a little help along the way?
the fact is, even though pregnancy and child birth are miraculous, our bodies aren't actually all that well designed for birthing. our hips can be too narrow, the baby's head can be too big, the umbilical chord can wrap itself in all kinds of ways, and then there's the possibility of babies being in breach position, and a host of other possible complications we can't know about until we're THERE. and that's why drugs and other types of assistance exist - so that we and our babies can survive the birth process. Now THAT is the most natural thing i can think of. i don't think anyone should be ashamed of needing some assistance or a c-section when we get down to the wire.
i think it's great to have a birth plan, and i intend to learn about hypnobirthing so i can be fully present during the birth of my baby AND if it seems like i need an intervention in the moment, i'm going to ask for it. the whole point is a healthy baby and a healthy mom. and if an epidural will make it happen - i'm there without shame. i think all of us would do better to make our plans and know they can change quickly and also know that whatever happens it's not a contest to see who can have the most "natural" birth process.
My advice......don't go with any plan, there is absolutely nothing you can control about delivering a baby......NOTHING at all. I can handle pain ok and I got the epidual with my first. Glad that I did. My logic is don't go with a plan, it will be what it will be. Doing it drug free does not make you a super hero at all, or a better mom. If it's what gets you through then get it.
Good Luck
You do need to have a strong confidence in yourself and your body in order to not ask for pain meds when you're in full swing. If this is something you want, start preparing now by reading books (Easing Labor Pain, Active Labor, Birthing From Within...) and meditating on it. Seriously, as you do your reading, spend time just imagining it.
If your resolve isn't there and you aren't prepared, the answer is probably that you should research the other options to know which of them you will choose.