Sharing Infertility with Family (vent, long)

cdale86 · June 2012

So we have been TTC for 1.5 years and now doing IUIs. My mom and older sister know about our IF struggles. MH decided to share with his parents recently. We just got to the point where we felt like we had nothing to say when they asked us what was going on in our lives. I was feeling a little bad for keeping my dad out of the loop. His wife continues to go on and on and on about us having kids and what they would look like, etc. whenever we see them. Extremely frustrating but I can't blame her since she doesn't know. So I decided (along with agreement from my sister) to share with my Dad. I knew it would be awkward and not sure what I really expected. I tried to brief and not super specific (doubt he would like to know MH sperm count or anything). I just gave him an overview and used general terms like "medications" "specialist" and "treatments." He asked a few questions like if we had a diagnosis or anything. But then he went into asking me about work after we have a baby. Well let's not jump ahead too quickly now. Did you forget the topic of this convo? Whatever, I didn't let that bother me. Now my sister has a one year old little boy (HT). Well my dad decides to end the convo with "Well, HT could really use a cousin!" REALLY??!! I just explained to you how we cannot make that happen currently and we have been going through a tough time. It definitely didn't help my emotions that we found out that morning that our first IUI was a fail. I just tend to feel worse after sharing about our IF with people. Can we just a live in a bubble for little while? GRRRR!

maggie2324 · June 2012

Some people will never understand no matter how much you spell it out. They also don't know what to say and they end up saying the wrong things even though they mean well. Try not to let it bother you. Good luck next cycle!

lesleyzeb · June 2012

I'm sorry it didn't go well. I've only told one person (beyond doctors) and the occasional "yes, relax, and get pregnant!!!" comment does bother me, but I know it's because she means well and doesn't really know what else to say (maybe because I really don't like to talk about it). I really think we should print up brochures with all the suggestions people have given when posters ask for ways to support someone going through IF. Sort of a simple "dos" and "dont's" listing. Hand out the brochure at work, the grocery store, take it to parties, put it in your holiday cards.... Sigh.

Sorry your first IUI didn't work out. =(

ChrisH22 · June 2012

That sucks. Sorry you had to deal with that. Some people just can't understand what a struggle this is and like the pp said they don't know what to say even though they mean well. Maybe he just thought he was making light of things for you?

For the most part I choose not to share just because I never end up really feeling any better and then I always think people are talking about me, "You know she can't have kids.". Probably just my own paranoia :-), I had a friend tell me once after sharing that we couldn't get pregnant, "you should be glad you can't, I wish I had that problem!". She has 3, I haven't shared with anyone since.

notquiteblushing · June 2012

People really just don't know what to say. Try not to let it get to you. My H told my ILs after I had gone to bed Mother's Day weekend. The next day my FIL kissed me and said "happy mother's day to a someday mother." He meant well but eww.

cdale86 · June 2012

Thank you! I know ppl don't know what to say and I think he just really didn't understand. My sister can straighten him out if need be. NOT having that awkward convo again! Chris- yikes! I don't think I would share after that experience either. I mean, come on, she didn't even think b4 she spoke. Blushing- that would make me want to vomit and avoid my ILs for a while.

imwithrebel · June 2012

I'm sorry he wasn't understanding. Hopefully he won't be too difficult to deal with.

Raggedy1 · June 2012

I'd give dear old Dad a break. Dads don't want to confront that their baby is actually having sex (even married), let alone have a conversation that makes them think about sperm and their daughters. He may have been clinging to the only "clean,happy" thought in the conversation, another grandbaby.

alpCRNA · June 2012

It can be really frustrating to discuss difficulty TTC with people who are not going through it. The thing that irritated me was constantly being asked if I was pregnant yet. Having to say no over and over again was depressing. Now that we have resumed TTC, I'm not telling anyone. So, the ladies here will be my only outlet.

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