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3rd Trimester
nerdbaby
member
Pretty much hate DH, every day, all the time
nerdbaby
member
I didn't really understand the partner hate that seemed to come over a lot of pregnant women in my various circles, but oh my my, how my tune has changed. I used to be all, "DH is so supportive and patient and I never hear a word about my complaining or fatigue or whatever blah blah blah..."
I don't mean to sound like a harpy, but now every last single effing thing out of his mouth makes me want to punch him straight in the face. Last night while I was making yet another list of all the things we have to do and buy and organize, he was on the internet looking for a tv for our bedroom.. benign enough, I get it, but when he asked me for the 500th time if I thought a so-and-so sized tv was too big (and mind you, I don't even want a tv in the bedroom... we already have three tv's in a house with two people and I have a hard enough time relaxing as it is.. and I had asked him to please give me some peace so I could concentrate my pregnant mind on my own task) I threw my list down and screeched something like, "I swear to gawd if you ask me one more effing time about the g-damn tv that I don't want and we don't need when we have baby gates to install and a baby room to finish and a house to unpack and laundry to fold I am going kill you 'till you die!" Over the top, sure, but seriously... I'm carrying 30 extra pounds, working full-time with a gimp leg thanks to pregnancy-induced nerve pain, trying to stay on top of the house never mind trying to make actual progress where it needs to be made, growing a human, doing all of the baby-related research and planning and purchasing, teaching DH how to start a gas powered lawnmower (tip from me - prior to marrying someone, see if he's ever mowed a lawn before.. imagine my surprise...), and a whole host of other crap.. I come home every day and just start doing whatever I can do until I pass the hell out and I've had enough of watching DH come home and "relax", putzing around the house for two hours before he does a half-load of HIS laundry, which he so kindly leaves in the washing machine for me to switch the next morning, then complains about being tired and asks for a night just to "chill" (which I grant him because who wants to be the wife who nags?) promising that this weekend we'll get things done.
Part of me, the irrational not remotely serious but maybe if it would teach him a life lesson part, wants to go in to labor today just to make him realize that this baby is coming whether we're ready or not and no one's going to blame the woman who just gave birth when they see the pile of not yet put together baby shat collecting in the corner of our bedroom.
His first morning client cancelled today so he got to sleep in and was still out when I left for work. I hid his laptop, both tv remotes, and his ipad. Also threw all his disgusting man snack food in a grocery bag and locked it in my filing cabinet. Some sh!t is getting done TONIGHT.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pretty much hate DH, every day, all the time
I am sorry, but your post actually made me laugh out loud. Just because I so understand where you are coming from.
I am so exhausted by the time I get home every night, while this week DH is taking two days off just to putz around and do whatever (which for him means sleeping half the day), and then he is all annoyed that all I want to do is climb into bed when I get home. I seriously want to push him out of a moving car sometimes.
ETA: Let us know how the hiding of his eletronics and food go!
DH and I married 8 years. Mom of three, stepmom of one.
Good luck!
5 DIUI - BFN
IVF#1 - BFP - AJ 7/12
FET#1 - BFP Due 7/24/14
Oh, come on. That is funny. Her DH needs a kick in the pants.
DH and I married 8 years. Mom of three, stepmom of one.
No, this sounds like a bi+ch! The world doesn't revolve around her, but her husband sure should. Maybe it would be easier to be alone than having dead weight putting more burden on her. This isn't the self-righteous board.
Agreed!
IMO: You sound bitter. OP sounds funny!
I am flipping dying over here!!! These guys KILL me!!! DH actually said last night "wow no more babies after this one, you complain too much"
Um WHAT?!?!?! Mind you I am the total opposite of a whiner/complainer and only in the last few weeks have mentioned how the lack of sleep and overall discomfort is getting to me and HE comes home bitching every damn night about his "aching body". If I had had a weapon at that point he may not be alive right now!!!!
Its times like these I wish I was born gay!
See, you think that pregnancy would make them appreciate how good natured we are when we are NOT pregnant. For me, I can't keep my mouth shut while I am pregnant. It is like I just don't care that my filter is gone. So I figure DH should appreciate how little I b!tch at him while not pregnant!
DH and I married 8 years. Mom of three, stepmom of one.
Lol I've definitely been there! My DH works full time, and I'm ordinarily very appreciative that he's working overtime so that I can stay home and finish my degree and not worry about working while pregnant, but when I'm exhausted after cleaning at the end of the day and he says that I should just be appreciative for what he does and stop complaining about how I feel, I want to punch him in the face! It doesn't happen often, but when I'm emotional and exhausted I don't really want to hear that. He's offered to take over some of the chores that I have trouble with while pregnant, and I've only given him two - vacuuming the stairs (it's hard to lug our big vacuum around to vacuum each stair), and cleaning the floor of our master bathroom (getting on my hands and knees for that long hurts a lot), and neither of them have been done for 3 weeks now... so much for "helping"!
That being said... I totally don't blame you for having moments where you're incredibly upset and frustrated. Unfortunately, no matter how deserved your frustration is, it probably won't get through to him, and might just make him stubborn and less willing to help. After you're feeling a little better, you probably ought to sit him down one-on-one and explain to him why you're having such a hard time lately, and what exactly you would like him to do and when you'd like him to do it. My DH was a lot more willing to help when I was able to discuss it calmly.
Thanks for the solidarity but let's just let her speak her peace. I didn't have to do a darn thing to get pregnant except foolishly rely on the rhythm method (surprise!) and I do have a husband who for all intents and purposes is a good partner, so yes, I should be -and am- grateful. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, but right now when I have a cacophony of hormones running through my bloodstream and need him to be just a little better than normal I don't feel the least bit b!tchy letting my grievances air. I'm much more gracious and rational in less pregnant times - and not everyone can say that.
i concur.
HA! I would have put it a little nicer, but yeah... why does everything have to be done according to your time frame? Just because you are insisting on running yourself ragged every night doesn't mean that he has to. You are both fully capable of making your own decisions, and frankly, getting the lazy time in now while you still can isn't a bad idea. The stuff will get done. It might be last-minute or even after the baby arrives if it's not essential, but it's not like he's going to leave the baby gear unopened in a pile in the corner indefinitely. Take a deep breath, because the naggy shrew thing isn't attractive on anyone.
Now who's the b!tch, b!tch!!
OP- we've all been there. I don't think most men get what a big change a baby will make in our lives and how much there is to plan for. That being said I threaten to punch my DH in face on a daily basis.
I thought your post was hilarious too, and loved the part about him worrying about which TV to get. My DH has been doing the exact same thing..showing me that some store has a sale on suits and saying he may go check it out. Showing me various table & chair sets for our 2-year old. Yes, it's all stuff I agree we should look at and get, but are you kidding me? With 20 days to go, I could care less about some of this stuff.
I always try to be the easy going wife as well, and I truly am grateful for the many things DH DOES do (I realize he does a ton!), but these crazy pregnancy-induced hormones make it tough! I want everything done my way and on my schedule! Why can't he read my mind??
I think this post is funny too!
However I think its crazy that you feel that its so important to have baby gates installed when you are still pregnant. You don't need them until your baby is mobile....which is MONTHS and MONTHS away!!
hahahah omg
This is me too! i always feel bad later but in the moment oh man watch out! It will get worse when the baby comes and then you will fall back in love with him when you get on a schedule.
LMAO, OP, I kind of love you.
This post has me dying over here. I think you just summed up, in a hillariously blunt way, what all pregnant women feel at some point!
I am with you on the TV thing. DH wants a SEVENTY INCH TV in the living room. We currently have a 55'', but apparently that is just not big enough. Not only is a SEVENTY INCH TV about $2000, there is no way in hell I would allow that monstrosity in my living room I so meticulously and lovingly decorated to look exactly as I want it! He realizes it won't happen anytime soon, but he still won't shut up about the darn thing so I feel your pain there. Even just mentioning it stresses me out and he just doesn't get it.
Agreed! I think this is freakin hilarious and her husband does need a kick in the butt! I cannot wait to hear how hiding the remotes went! I would do the exact same thing in a heartbeat if DH turned into a lazy bum!
Trust me when I say that my husband can be useless around the house too, but there is a way in which you can make him want to help you, and by b!tching and acting childish is a quick way to get him to not want to help even more. Things don't have to be done on your schedule. After the baby gets here you'll have plenty to do so relaxing and not stressing over stuff is probably not a bad idea. You two are supposed to be a team. You're not his boss or drill sergeant. Sometimes sweetness will get you far more help than b!tchin'.
As far as the other comments saying that I'm bitter for my remark.... I'm just calling it like it is. No need to sugar coat it. I think this type of reaction, though somewhat amusing, is typical of a spoiled brat and I'm highly turned off by it. I've been married for 13 years, and one of the first lessons I've learned when dealing with men is that complaining, bitching and brattiness gets me no where. People have different priorities and move a different paces. what is important to you now is not that important to him now, and vice versa. Men can be relaxed, lazy and stupid, agreed, but acting this way is far stupider. But she'll learn.
5 DIUI - BFN
IVF#1 - BFP - AJ 7/12
FET#1 - BFP Due 7/24/14
OP didn't specify why she wanted the gates done now but this statement isn't necessarily true. We will be needing the one leading into the basement installed before we bring baby home because we have a large dog. If I am home alone with baby and need to lets say take a shower having the baby gate up means the dog can be gated in the basement and baby can be in bouncy seat in bathroom with me or in the rock and play napping in the bedroom.
While the dog is overly passive and I don't worry about him harming baby or anything like that, he is very curious and extremly loving. Therefore, I can see him being in the baby's face sniffing or licking when baby is making noise. I don't want to have to worry about trying to get him out of baby's face if I'm in the shower or otherwise occupied. It is much easier to have the baby gate up and him be in the basement when I can't keep a close eye on his interaction with baby.
FWIW, I appreciate your perspective and take no offense to your earlier response - not to imply that you were concerned about my reaction, just throwing it out there since others voiced defense on my behalf.
And if I know this at 7 years, I know you know it at 13 - every marriage is different. Hiding the remote from your husband may be construed as childish with a negative connotation in your household - but in ours, at the heart, it's playful and I'm 99.99% certain that when I get home my husband will give me the "Ok, I know you hid it, now tell me why" face, and he'll listen to my complaints, offer an apology whether he thinks I'm owed one or not, and then bang out a few loads of laundry or take a few things off my list to keep the marital peace. In the 7 years we've been married and the two we lived together before that, there's been a lot of hiding of items of distraction, disconnecting of internet (one of his own bold moves when I was in the deep throes of wedding planning), and strategic leaving of notes on cell phones, stacks of magazines, and game consoles when someone has felt their needs were being neglected. If it turns you off, it turns you off. No harm, no foul. Do I still want to gut check him just thinking about last night's mini meltdown? Yes! Of course! But I know this is a minor blip and we'll get over it. I know in my right mind that things will get done and LO won't suffer if the baby gates don't make it up before she even has neck control. But I had to vent, and sometimes b!tchiness just happens for b!tchiness's sake.
So there it is, the story of one flawed, but predominantly happy marriage and the surprise pregnancy that revealed its shortcomings. More to follow.
You're right. Every relationship is different. Good luck with your pregnancy.
Try not to stress. Its not worth it. 
5 DIUI - BFN
IVF#1 - BFP - AJ 7/12
FET#1 - BFP Due 7/24/14
lmao, amen sista!
I totally agree. That is one of the best lines I've ever heard! I honestly laughed out loud.
My husband currently wants a new laptop. He bought one 2 years ago. It's still nice, he just wants a nicer one. He's calling it "baby's first laptop". I told him not to mention it tonight since he just informed me of a visitor this weekend and now I have to clean the house more than I was expecting. He's a great husband and helps out a lot, but he sometimes takes the teasing too far.
ETA: He's not home until Friday night, so can't help with the cleaning beforehand
BAHAHA, I love you right now. Seriously....legit love right here. My hubs is a sweetie, and does his best to make me happy and comfortable, but I have to admit he is downright LAZY.
Granted, if I start to do something and huff and puff enough that he notices, he feels really bad (especially if its something I previously asked him to do) and will order me to stop and let him do it instead.
The thing is, we have NOTHING done for baby yet because his younger brother lost his job and has been living with us. I have felt many-a-day the way you have about wanting to just have this kid already to teach him a lesson (I don't, of course, because I want her to be healthy, but it's just that I'LL SHOW YOU! kind of thought. I get it.) They had better have BIL's stuff moved out TOMORROW. I'm running out of time and energy to get stuff done over here!
Just a lurker usually, but I was curious how you just now found out that DH didn't know how to use a lawn mower if you've been married for 7 years and living together for 9. I mean, I know its not something that comes up in pre-marital counseling, but still.
And, as a STM, the baby gates are going to be more of a hassle when the baby is a baby. Wait until the child is crawling before putting them up.
Wow! I like you a lot! I love that you and your hubby have turned something that's typically passive aggressive and angry into a playful way to ask for attention. I had a communications professor in college that frequently said, "Relational culture trumps all!" And it's so true! You also write really well. Do you blog?