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Baby shower etiquette..RSVP

cmiller0623cmiller0623 member
in 2nd Trimester
So I'm getting invitations ready for my DD shower in the end of July.  I'm inviting about 85 people (a lot of family, coworkers, friends, etc.) i by no means expect all of them to show up and several are out of town we just wanted to let them know about our LO.  I am having 2 dozen cupcakes plus a sheet cake at the shower and the size of the sheet cake will depend on how many guests we have.  Is it ok to ask that they RSVP by a certain date so i can order the cake ahead of time? Example: the shower is July 29 so I wanted to ask that they RSVP by July 10 and I'm hoping to have them sent out by the middle of next week. I'm sending them out early cause i have several friends who work retail or other weekend jobs and would need to ask off if they'd like to come.  Just dont want to step on any toes or sound rude so thanks for the advice!
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Re: Baby shower etiquette..RSVP

  • schmidters10schmidters10
    I think you are fine to put a RSVP date on it but I think 20 days is a bit much. This is just IMO I think 2 weeks to a week and a half is normal? I could be completely wrong. Two weeks is also plenty of time for a normal bakery to do a sheet cake. Hope it helps.
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  • dpraseutsinhdpraseutsinh member
    i'm asking for rsvp's by a certain time as well. i'm sending my invites out by the beginning of july (having the shower end of aug) i'm basically giving them 3 weeks in advance to rsvp. it's not rude at all. everyone understands that you have to get things done and have a headcount by a certain time.
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  • cmiller0623cmiller0623 member

    thats what i was wondering about the RSVP by date so i think i'll change it to like the 19th or 20th?

    PP no my mom, DF's aunt and step mom are throwing the shower I'm just sending out the invites since i have the guest list

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  • cmiller0623cmiller0623 member
    true it is a shower we'll see what happens hopefully those who cant make it can let me know so i dont end up with a bunch of cake :) lol i appreciate everyones advice it really helps!!
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  • abbieaggieabbieaggie

    I don't think its rude, however we did regrets only because like PP said - its a baby shower, not a wedding.  Most people who can't make it will let you know.  Those who have something come up aren't going to let you know until the last minute anyway.

    And, what's wrong with having left over cake?  My mom always has those to-go containers next to the cake at her parties so people can take a little with them.  It's a big hit with the older relatives and I think its a nice gesture for people who take the time out of their day to come to your party, bring a gift, etc.  Unless you are having it at some super-expensive swanky place that charges a lot per person, I would say just order a bigger cake and have to-go containers.  

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  • mlangsmlangs member

    I plan mass parties all the time. Cakes included for anywhere from 25-80 people. I usually have to give a close approx when making the original order to get on the bakery schedule... then I can give a final HC size 2 days in advance. If it is a decent bakery they will understand you won't have exact headcount 3 weeks prior... they do this all of the time!

    I won't even comment about people hosting their own showers since you cleared it up and my dear MandJ stated the obvious.

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  • cmiller0623cmiller0623 member

    I didnt even think about that ladies thank you! i dont want to seem like im asking for gifts so maybe i can send the out of towners something different or like you said wait and send them a birth announcement.

     PP i didnt even think about having little containers what a great idea! i dont mind having leftover cake but i would be wayy to tempted to eat all of it so that would be awesome i'll look into that :)

    i think i'm going to change the RSVP date definitely and review my list and put some of the out of towners on the birth announcement list

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  • abbieaggieabbieaggie
    imagecmiller0623:

    I didnt even think about that ladies thank you! i dont want to seem like im asking for gifts so maybe i can send the out of towners something different or like you said wait and send them a birth announcement.

     PP i didnt even think about having little containers what a great idea! i dont mind having leftover cake but i would be wayy to tempted to eat all of it so that would be awesome i'll look into that :)

    i think i'm going to change the RSVP date definitely and review my list and put some of the out of towners on the birth announcement list

     Personally my out of town family would be mad if I didn't send them invites, but I wouldn't send it to friends out of town.  And, that is the reason my mom started with the to-go containers, she always ended up with leftovers and either over-indulged or had to toss them, and she hates to waste anything.

    Good luck, planning parties is hard so try not to stress over every detail.

     

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  • MidwestSeashellMidwestSeashell member

    order enough cake for the amount of people you invited. take whatever is left and give it to hungry people. 

    also, i don't think there is anything wrong with throwing your own shower. especially if you've gone to/planned some and no one stepped up to do it for you. celebrate and get over it. 

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  • melody921melody921 member

    imageMandJS:
    Are you hosting your own shower? Because that's going to be way more tacky and rude than whatever response date you put on the invitations. Generally though, a week is about the best you can expect. 

    All of this. And you can order a cake pretty quickly. A week would be enough time.


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  • daymisty84daymisty84
    imageMandJS:
    imageSmileyGirl18:

    Having an RSVP date is standard.  My question is why you order the cake 3 weeks ahead of time?  10 days should give you plenty of time to order the cake and have the hostesses put together favors ect.  I have hosted way too many showers to count and have never needed more than 10 day to prepare.

    Also, something to think about.  If you send an invite to someone you know is not going to come, it may appear as if you are askng for a gift.  I completely understand wanting to make them aware of your LO, but just be sure you are not crossing the line.  If they are worth telling about the LO, maybe a phone call or e-mail would be better?

    This is a really good point, too. If you want to let OOTers know about LO, either pick up the phone or wait and send a birth announcement. A shower invite out of the blue from someone who isn't local is going to come across as gift grabby.

    I tend to slightly disagree with this.  I have an aunt who lives in another State who I very much intend on sending an invite to even though I know she will not be able to make it.  I will not be doing it to expect a gift from her, but because I don't want to hurt her feelings that I did not invite her.  She did the same when her son graduated.  If the out of towners are not close relatives or friends, then I would agree. (On a side note, I have cousins who I am not close with at all and who also live out of State and I will not sen them an invite.)

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  • tinyhumantoetinyhumantoe member

    Regardless of what you put on there, people will RSVP up to a week out, and a few stragglers even after that.  I think 20 days is insane.  I had 10 days for my wedding of 300 people.

    I say order the sheet cake based on however rsvps you have at the date you have to order the cake, and add 20 pieces.  Someone will take home the extra cake.  Better yet, you can take it home, and you can eat it all.  Mmmmm

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