Community› The Bump Message Boards› Late Term and Child Loss
Late Term and Child Loss
New Discussion

Need help with DH

MandiemnMandiemn
in Late Term and Child Loss

My hubbs has been really down and depressed lately and last night he told me that he feels empty and jealous because he knows that I can relate to being a mom because I carried her and I bonded with her when she was here, but he doesn't feel like a dad at all because he wasn't able to do anything that he associates with being a dad, ie. taking care of her, teaching her things...etc.

 

I don't know what to say or do to make him feel better or make him realize that Buffy is his baby as much as she is mine. In fact, I'm a little envious that she looked exactly like him without a trace of me at all :)

Thanks everyone. 

image image image
BFP 10/31/11 EDD 7/15/12 pPROM 2/25/12
"How very softly you tiptoed into our world. Almost silently; Only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footprints have left on our hearts."
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: Need help with DH

  • lrichmond86lrichmond86 member
    I'm not sure that I can help you with this, but I can certainly relate.  DH admitted to me that sometimes he feels a little jealous that I got 8 months with our son and he only got a couple of hours.  I had never considered this before, and after he told me I actually felt a little guilty because I realized that he was right.  I think that we just have to keep in mind that everyone grieves and heals differently.  Just like there are parts of our grieving process that our husbands can't understand or help us with, I think that the same is true for them.  When my DH is feeling sad about our LO I remind him what a wonderful dad he was by taking care of him after he passed (i.e. planning the funeral, etc.) and what a good job he's done taking care of me throughout the pregnancy and after.  Men need to feel needed.  Best wishes to you and DH.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image



    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Mrs NiceMrs Nice member
    My DH had told me the same thing. I told him that every time he put his hand on my belly to feel Ian move, he was being a dad. Every time he went with me to any of my appts or ultrasounds, he was being a dad. And when he painted the nursery and put the crib together etc., he was being a dad. There were so many things he did as a dad before Ian came but he didn't think of it that way until I started to list them. He will always be Ian's dad.

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Third Birthday tickers

    image

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"