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Working Moms
javanut
member
Very sad: Crying at day care PICK-UP
javanut
member
in Working Moms
Ladies,
I lurk more than post but I am hoping to get some input from other working Moms.
I work full-time (although we are having lay-offs soon so who knows.) My daughter has been in daycare since she was 10 weeks. She is now 2.
Lately, she has been crying hysterically when I come to pick her up. She says "No, No." doesn't want to come to me and clings to daycare worker. I usually just have to take her. She's fine after we get going in the car. But I have tears running down my face for the drive home.
It doesn't matter if she is playing with other children or the last child there and being carried by worker as she locks up/ wipes up. She still cries. I always make sure we do something fun together as soon as we get home -- playground, stroller ride, playing ball, tea party, sidewalk chalk.
I've tried staying with her in the room to spend time in "her world" at the end of the day. But it doesn't seem to help. I'm not sure how she is when my husband, picks her up, but I know he bribes her with graham crackers or goldfish.
I'm truly distressed about this. I see other kids running to their parents with glee at pick-up time. Frankly, it's got me partly hoping I get laid off so I can spend more time with her. I could afford to SAH for a year or two, but not long-term.
Is anyone else dealing with this? Any advice?
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Re: Very sad: Crying at day care PICK-UP
Its a phase - don't worry Mama! I would ask the DCP to work on prepping your LO - give her a warning 10 minutes before you normally get there - Mama's coming in a few minutes and then you'll go home and have X or play Y - and then ask her to rinse and repeat until you get there. Or maybe you can get a special toy (or book or snack?) that is only for the car ride home and only if there are no tears, etc.
Don't feel guilty or take it personally - she's just having issues w/ the transition.
I'm so sorry. That sounds so tough to deal with.
She is probably going through a phase where she is unhappy about the very immediate future- leaving the toys and friends behind to get in the car and sit in her carseat- not actually upset about the whole evening of being home. I really like the previous poster's idea about a special toy that she can play with from pick up until you get home.
Totally normal, it means she's having a great time at daycare.
I went through this with D1 and was heartbroken. One day I walked out of the room to get something and D1 screamed - she wanted me there with her to play at daycare. She'll grow out of it.
I would suggest making it as much of a non-issue as possible because she'll ham it up if you react.
we went through the same thing. it is a phase and it will pass.
I would just be very no nonense about it...I would scoop them up, tell them to say goodbye to dcp/friends and carry them kicking and screaming to the car. it was lots of fun, but eventually they grew out of it (and of course some days were worse than others) try not to sweat it.
It is one part that they like daycare and the toys and the kids and one part that it's the end of the day and they're tired and hungry.
What I did with DS1 at that age was make a big deal arrival. I'd play peek a boo around the corner and then I'd get on the floor and put my arms out wide and he'd run into them and I'd act like he pushed me over and we'd flop to the floor and I'd kiss him all over and say "I missed you! I love you!" or I'd toss him in the air until he laughed. Sure, maybe embarrassing to other parents but I so didn't care and it was our thing. From then on, he'd try harder and harder to knock me over and run screaming, "Mommy!' It was Oscar worthy and I still sort of do it at pickup....
No real advice, my son does this some days. But he also cries most days at DROP-OFF. So yeah, I just can't win. And it's virtually always me doing both, once or twice a week my parents or DH pick him up. I know he's always thrilled to see grammy and grandad, but I think he's pitched a fit before for DH. I've come to the conclusion that he just has a particularly hard time with transitions between places/activities and over-reacts. He has trouble with sitting down to dinner and starting bath/bedtime routines too. I do bring him a treat/snack most days because it seems to ease the transition. I also frequently let him play on the school playground for a few minutes before we get in the car, but then he cries when we have to leave the playground. LOL
My DD went through this phase around the same age. I would pick her up and she would kick me, push me, pull my hair...it was an awful and embarrassing 2 months. Actually, I think the front desk worker helped break this phase. She would offer to carry her to my car (DD would be calm thru this) and once in my car it was a smooth ride. Sometimes, the lady would pick her up and pretend DD was an airplane-she loved this. The front desk lady was not there everyday and DD eventually learned more appropriate behavior during p/u.
It's a phase-not uncommon. Hang in there.
This is our situation as well. There have been days where DD has also cried because she's not ready to go home. I know she's having fun and that she just wants to stay and have more fun. Typically, by the time we make it out to the car, she's ready to go. On days where she's being more persistent about staying, I've gathered her things and prepared to leave without her. She was not happy about that idea. I also always spend 2-3 minutes playing with her in the daycare room or talking to her teacher and DD about her day.
Thank you everyone for the comments and suggestions. I will come armed with a toy and maybe a snack today. And try the peek-a-boo strategy at the door to see if I can get her laughing.
She frequently doesn't want me to leave in morning so I'm trying not to to take it personally.
However, it's difficult and I can't help but feel like other parents or the dc workers are looking at me thinking, "What is wrong in that house?"
No one's doing that and if they are; they're just lucky that their kid hasn't pulled this on them yet. In another month or two, you'll see some other kid doing it to their mom and you can smile and tell her its just a phase!
I get this about 50% of the time. I know DD loves it there and loves playing with her friends. It's a little sad for me, but I just take it as a sign that she's in the best possible hands while I'm working.
Personally, I would be much more worried if she cried hysterically at drop off--It would make me worry about why she didn't want to be there and if I had her in the right place.
Totally normal. And totally sucks. DS (almost 2.5) started this a few months ago. He has a meltdown when we leave for school in the morning insisting he's going to "stay home with Mommy" and a meltdown when I pick him up. I have a video that I took of him wanting to go back to school. It's awful. It was the worst day and he spent 45 minutes screaming "I back to school." over and over while sobbing. Not pretty. He was in preschool part time and their nap time ended right at pick-up. The teachers started waking him up 10 minutes before I got there and talking about how it was almost time for Mommy to get there and how much fun he was going to have when he went home. It helped a TON. He does not wake up happy if you have to wake him from a nap and waking him up plus transitioning to a new thing (like driving home) was just too much for him. Like my girls (ages 4 and 6), he's starting to need warnings about when we're going to go anywhere or do anything. If I give him a 10 minute warning before I throw everyone in the car to go out, he's a lot happier. See if the teachers can do that for your LO.
(FWIW - I'm a WAHM with an odd schedule. My younger two are in preschool part time during the school year with a nanny one day a week and I have a PT nanny for all three during the summer two days a week. I work nights and weekends a lot so it works for our schedule.)
This has not happened to me yet, but there have been several days where I drop him off and he runs straight to her, before I can even say my goodbyes. It hurts my feelings, but I try not to take it personally.
There has also been a few times he has done this when my ILs are around.
I honestly think it's just a phase. I am sure it will pass.
Thank you everyone again. I had been feeling really alone on this and your comments boosted my spirits tremendously.
Yesterday went much better. I tried the peek-a-boo strategy at the door and made her laugh. I also brought in one of her favorite books I keep by the car seat (A Thomas the Train book that plays the songs.)
She told me, "No, No" at first. But I told her that's Ok, you can keep playing for a bit." The she came to me no problem.
A couple weeks ago DD had the BIGGEST fit about leaving DC. She was screaming and crying. At home she kept calling for her DCP.
She was being just awful and I broke down and was crying. Finally DH came home and gave me a break.
I just felt so awful that she didn't want to be here with me and wanted someone else instead.
DCP says it's totally normal and lots of kids cry when they leave.... I'm home for summer now and happy to have my baby back, lol.
this. it's just a phase, and most likely, a transitioning issue. my daughter went through this for a couple months before she was 2, but now she runs to me when i walk in and actually cries in a "please don't leave me ever again" way. my daughter HATES transitions. if anything is thrown off from her routine, she cries. it took her awhile to stop crying at daycare when they moved from the upstairs area to the downstairs area! believe me, it's just transitioning. i liked the pp's idea bout having the dcp try to "prep" her. otheriwse, just grit your teeth and trust that one day this too shall pass..