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May 2012 Moms
k8edgerton
member
Feeling judged... Vent
k8edgerton
member
So yesterday a sales associate at a store made me feel extremely uncomfortable because she was completely passing judgement on me. I'm glad my hormones have calmed down because it would have pushed me into a fit of tears a week ago.
I was unable to breastfeed because of a breast reduction surgery. I wanted to bf bad... really bad and I didn't realize it would affect me so much till after I found that I wasn't producing. The past three weeks have been wonderful and tough all at the same time.
Regardless...
I was with my mom and peanut trying to find a pair of post pregnancy pants. Lady comes up... comments on how cute, etc... etc... Fine and dandy right? Well, she then asks... "Are you nursing?" - I just say, no. She then pauses, frowns and says "Well, I guess she's getting everything she needs." I wanted to smack this lady and so did my mom.
First off why do strangers think its okay to ask such a personal question... why the heck do they care... and how in the heck does it affect them?
Thank you silly sales lady for making me feel like shi* all over again.
UGH.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling judged... Vent
(hugs) People are stupid! It doesn't matter if you can, can't, want to or don't want to breast feed. What matters is that LO gets fed. I feel blessed to be able to breast feed both my children. I watched my sister, mother and BFF all have to give up. I'll never question a woman who chooses to FF for whatever reason.
Screw the hormones, I would have asked speak to the manager.
I'm in very similar situation. I can't BF due to a medication I take (I don't switch because this medicine keeps my heart palp under control, and I really don't want to mess with something that works for my hear...nor does my Dr). Anyways, it always catches me completely off guard when random people ask me if I nurse or not. I agree with you in that it is a somewhat personal question, and I would NEVER ask a stranger or even an acquaintance that question. I may ask a close friend, but it wouldn't be for judgmental reasons. When people ask me that question, I simply say "No I formula feed". I've noticed about 50% of people have the common decency to not take the conversation any further. For the other 50%, I just say (insert smart @$$ tone here) "I am not able to breastfeed, but thank you for assuming you know me and my situation". Usually shuts them up.
I look at it this way...I am doing what is best for my child. I could breastfeed DD and simultaneously poison her which IMO is far worse than FF. Don't be hard on yourself and ignore the naysayers. There are worse things you can do than FF your baby, and if that's the worse thing you ever do in your child's life then I'd say you are a pretty great mom.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I am in the same exact situation - I REALLY wanted to BF after having a reduction 10 years ago. I did everything I could to prepare myself for BFAR and kept my expectations low.
LO and my body did not want to cooperate. He wouldn't latch and I got mastitis twice within a week and a half, so we had to wean. I was SO upset about it. I will be feeding LO my last ounce tonight, and he likely won't get anymore milk from me. When I realized this this morning, I was in tears, and I question my decision to stop every day. But it was more important to me that I was able to spend my time caring for my baby, not attached to a pump every 2 hours when he needed me more. They say every time you try to BF (with each child) it gets easier, so there is hope for the future.
Our pedi put it this way: "The college applications don't ask if you were BF or FF, all that matters is that he gets lots of hugs and kisses and is fed and happy." and its true. Don't beat yourself up about it - it's not your fault. Your baby will be happy so long as she is fed
People will always be up in your business and judgey about what you decide as a parent...but in the end I'm sure you are doing the best you can and your baby is loved...and that is all that matters
A good amount of babies including myself grew up in the formula generation in the 80s and we all turned out fine a that's when formula wasn't even made as well so tell her to keep her opinions to herself. half of the people sh knows were probably raised on formula
It sounds like you have been going through a similar experience to mine. It never occurred to me that I would not be able to BF and I desperately wanted to. But it turns out that I have hypoplastic (underdeveloped) breasts and don't have enough mammary tissue to produce milk. Even after a month of pumping and taking herbs, eating a lactation-friendly diet, my output is only up to a whopping one ounce A DAY. The first few weeks were so hard, as we realized my LO wasn't getting enough food, started pumping and found out how little she had been getting, then had to scramble to get formula, bottles, etc. that we didn't expect to need.
I'm sorry people are making you feel bad about it -- if you're anything like me, you have been feeling confused/sad/frustrated enough on your own without other people voicing their stupid opinions. I was really fortunate to have a great, supportive LC to help me through figuring all of this out, and friends who have had similar low supply issues to help me realize that I've done everything I can. Just remind yourself that you ARE taking care of your baby and doing the best that you can. ((Hugs))
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