Husband Rant

katokc1 · June 2012

Does anyone else have husbands that are acting like babies? I swear, my husband has been acting like the biggest baby. For example, I work traditional schedule 8-5 and he works afternoons -late nights...so I wake up with her in the early morning 4, 5 or 6am feeding (depending on the night) then sleep a bit more and get up at 7 and get ready for work. Well if the baby is awake, it's automatically my fault (didn't feed her enough, didn't put her back to sleep, etc.) So we tried sleeping in seperate rooms for a few nights and I wake him when I leave for work so he can handle the baby if she wakes. Well that started complaints of not enough sex or I'm mad or whatever he thinks is wrong. So I'm just trying to figure out the root of the problem or try to figure out how to fix the issues at hand. Frankly, I'm exhausted and realize babies=no sleep, this doesn't bother me. He apparently, doesn't get it. Any advise please. Thanks.

Brit's Luna154 · June 2012

My H is not acting like a baby anymore, but he did at first. When DD was born, he acted like it was the end of the world if he had to miss a minute of sleep to take care of her. I didn't make a big deal about it until I went back to work. When I went back to work, he still did not start helping. Finally, one day as he was leaving for India for a business trip, we had a very serious talk about it; if he didn't want to participate, then DD and I didn't really need him around. (Important: I don't recommend saying that unless you have the balls to follow through with it. At that point, I was so furious that I did.) I told him that we could talk about it more when he got home, but we never needed to. He did a complete 180. He has gotten up with DD every other time since then.

katokc1 · June 2012

I glad that helped for you, but I don't want to go to that extreme. I just want to figure out what could be the issue and fix it. Whenever I try to discuss with him, he just shuts down, hangs up on me, whatever. I only see each other on weekends as it is, with our work schedules and I don't want to argue on the weekend. I'm just so frustrated right now.

Brit's Luna154 · June 2012

katokc1:
I glad that helped for you, but I don't want to go to that extreme. I just want to figure out what could be the issue and fix it. Whenever I try to discuss with him, he just shuts down, hangs up on me, whatever. I only see each other on weekends as it is, with our work schedules and I don't want to argue on the weekend. I'm just so frustrated right now.

By refusing to discuss it with you he is getting exactly what he wants - you still get up with the baby.

Maybe there is some room for negotiation. If he hates getting up with the baby and you don't mind it as much, maybe you decide to own that responsibility and ask him to take on something else that you dislike doing.

katokc1 · June 2012

Thank you, but his problem is the 7AM feeding...when I'm getting ready for work. He never has to wake with her or deal with her in the middle of the night. It's the morning stuff that bothers him. He's just driving me crazy lately. I don't feel like we are as "bonded" as we were before the baby. Not sure how to fix that though, guess thats a whole other issue.

kelleynb28 · June 2012

It's normal (or at least common) for men to act this way with a baby. I'm sorry, but it's a preconceived stereotype that the women are the ones who deal with the "baby stuff"! I have a hard time getting my man to change a diaper or even sometimes just getting down on the floor with our LO. In my house, I feel like I have changed so much since DS was born - more patient, WAY more loving, calm nature, etc - but it just seems that he doesn't get it yet. He doesn't understand that EVERYTHING changes with a baby in the picture. We fight a lot more than we used to but I am not going to throw in the towel because I love him and I know that his recent behaviour is not him. He is very stressed out trying to adapt to our new lives...and I know one DS starts running around, he will be having so much fun playing with him!

And if he doesn't, my next baby will be with someone else

PsyDr04 · June 2012

kelleynb28:

It's normal (or at least common) for men to act this way with a baby. I'm sorry, but it's a preconceived stereotype that the women are the ones who deal with the "baby stuff"! I have a hard time getting my man to change a diaper or even sometimes just getting down on the floor with our LO. In my house, I feel like I have changed so much since DS was born - more patient, WAY more loving, calm nature, etc - but it just seems that he doesn't get it yet. He doesn't understand that EVERYTHING changes with a baby in the picture. We fight a lot more than we used to...

This. Same issues here with my DH. I'm going back to work Monday and we're going to have to re-negotiate responsibilities because for 5 1/2 months DH hasn't had to do jack squat with the baby basically. I've gotten up in the middle of the night, I feed him, I change diapers, I bathe him. Don't get me wrong, DH will do these things if I ask but doesn't spontaneously volunteer. He's been spoiled with me not working these first several months but all that changes next week.

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