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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Wrote this yesterday on June 6,2012
It's sad how absolutely terrified I am of the upcoming anniversary of my miscarriage? On June 10,2011 I had to go through a D&C, due to a missed miscarriage. Is it bad that I already feel my body aching and my heart wrenching? I feel like I can't confide in my husband because he already feels like I need to get over it. The one person that I should be able to talk to I am absolutely terrified of talking to him because I'm scared he'll get angry at me. What's wrong with that picture? I'm already so close to breaking down that a simple sentence could do it. I'm feeling all of these emotions I mean is it a bad thing? I'm angry at all the ungrateful mothers in the world, I want to blow up every abortion clinic in the universe. I'm sad because my baby would be 6 months old, I would be fretting over how close his/her 1 year old birthday is coming. I'm jealous of all the girls my age and that are my friends that are having perfectly fine pregnancies and are giving birth to these beautiful children. I feel like running until I know I can't stop the tears from coming. All I remember is seeing my beautiful baby's heartbeat, and then all I can replay is the screams from me as they told me my baby has stopped growing. How bright my blood was on the hospital floor after my D&C. How I am going to keep it together these next few days I have no clue. I just need somewhere to run away to and somewhere to cry, and someone to understand me. I need strength and prayers!
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Re: Wrote this yesterday on June 6,2012
I am so sorry for your loss, Shelbi. You wrote that beautifully, and almost as if I was writing it. My good friend just delivered a beautiful, perfect baby yesterday. I go in for my D&C tomorrow, and I KNOW that I am not going to enjoy my birthday this year. My due date was the day after my birthday.
It's not fair. Why me? Why you? We are young, healthy and had babies that were incapable of life. I feel like I failed. I don't know what I could have done differently.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss, I hope that you find peace soon. If you need to talk, PM me. I know it's hard when your H has seemed to already "gotten over it." I guarantee he hasn't. Not totally. We show our grief differently. And WE were the ones carrying/protecting our babies. Of course it hits us harder.
M/MC at 9w4d 5/23/12.
DS1- 8/2013
DS2- 11/2015 (Second round IUI)
DD- 9/2017
Baby #4 Due 5/10/20 TEAM GREEN
I am so sorry. I know the feeling. I mc three days ago, and still bleeding. Last night a friend called and I started crying. My H came out of the bathroom and asked "why sre you crying"? Really? Its so frustrating. He keeps telling me to not get all depressed. (many in his family have suffered from sever depression). I try to tell him about the stages of grief and that I am Sad, very angry, ok with it, at time I wonder why me and I dont believe it has really happened. He just doesnt understand. So far the bump is the only true place I feel I can say Anything to.
Im dreading watching the three girls at work due at the same time go through changes and be excited. I dread Feb 1,2013 my EDD. I will prob feel sad that day every year for the rest of my life.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think it's completely normal to have strong feelings on the anniversary of your loss, it's not bad at all. I'm sorry that you can't confide in your husband, sometimes men process things differently and don't feel the loss as strongly as women do.
It's okay to be angry, it really is unfair that there are so many people that desparately want to be pregnant or to keep their babies and can't while others get pregnant when they don't want to be.
Prayers for you, this is a really difficult time and I relate to the longing to run away. (( Hugs )), I'm so sorry sweetie.