I want to EBF, husband wants to FF

course11 · June 2012

After lots of early problems breastfeeding, we have finally gotten the hang of it and I've been so excited to wean off of formula.

The problem? DS breastfeeds a *lot* (lots of cluster feeding) and my husband is interpreting it as "oh, he must not be getting enough if he's at your breast so often" and the evening witching hour fussiness is convincing him even more that that is what's going on.

I don't know how to convince him that these are normal behaviors and don't mean DS isn't getting enough calories. He asks - "how do you know how much he's getting?" which of course I can't answer except with "he has enough wet diapers and he's gaining weight" which doesn't convince him. So I just agreed to DH's suggestion of giving DS one bottle of formula a day, at bedtime, to be sure he's getting enough calories and possibly will sleep longer at night.

Any suggestions to help DH believe that DS isn't starving?

KatFCo · June 2012

If necessary, see a LC and have them weigh LO before and after a feeding.

LeslieAnn6 · June 2012

My DD cluster fed in the evenings until she was 6 or 7 months old. I know that might not help with you DH, but it is totally normal.

bridein08 · June 2012

See an LC and do a test weight. DO NOT let your DH bully you into formula if you want to EBF. Formula is not evil, but you are the one BFing and it is your choice. Guide him to KellyMom.com and encourage him to do the research on what is considered "norm," since he isn't believing your evidence.

michpedelle85 · June 2012

In my opinion, its not your husbands choice. If the wet/dirty diaper count is good and he is gaining, the baby is fine. Cluster feeding is a way to up your supply.... baby knows what baby needs to do and so does your body. Listen to baby, listen to your body.

Oh, and it looks like your baby is about 6 weeks old, which is at the age of a growth spurt and cluster feeding is totally normal!

Jenny952 · June 2012

Cluster feeding at 6 weeks is totally normal and it's a good thing! Once DD started cluster feeding around 8 weeks, she started sttn. Yes, it's time consuming, but you'll know when your LO is hungry... believe me, he'll let you know it!

bjfilly · June 2012

bridein08:
See an LC and do a test weight. DO NOT let your DH bully you into formula if you want to EBF. Formula is not evil, but you are the one BFing and it is your choice. Guide him to KellyMom.com and encourage him to do the research on what is considered "norm," since he isn't believing your evidence.

The bolded x1000

Alliebooberz · June 2012

Take him to the pedi or a LC as pp suggested. Giving that formula bottle at night can mess up your supply.

Alliebooberz · June 2012

Oh yeah and I totally bought a scale. I weigh him every night before his bath.

Froggy76 · June 2012

Show him some literature on BFing (from kellymom.com or from a book if you have one) and explain that it's totally normal. If your LO is having plenty of dirty diapers, then you're good. It's normal for babies to be that fussy.

Also, explain to him that BFing is supply and demand. If you substitute formula, your body isn't getting the message to make more milk and THAT'S what's going to cause issues with your LO not getting enough!

hillbillysunshine · June 2012

BOth of my DDs were (and are) evening cluster feeders. Mmaybe have him go with you to a LC and not only do the weight thing but also have her exlpain that his behavior is normal! Also point out that your pediatrician monitors growth...if s/he's not worried, and you guys trust him/her, then he shouldn't be worried either.

ebp913 · June 2012

Everything everyone else said is great.

Also, remind your DH that before formula existed the human race managed to survive and thrive so breastmilk must working. If you want to EBF, then do it and tell him to suck it up and be supportive.

Sorry that was pretty blunt but I think your DH is being a nitwit.

cecilyandgautam · June 2012

If your ped is BFing supportive, have your husband talk to the Ped. Since he's the one who is ignorant, it's on him to do the research.

shouldbworkin · June 2012

give it a couple weeks, he'll probably be a different baby altogether. Big difference between 6-8 weeks.

DGandDG · June 2012

Share the benefits with him too: https://www.notmilk.com/101.html

tigerlily46 · June 2012

Can you agree to give a bottle of pumped milk at bedtime, instead of formula, to placate your DH for a while and then get rid of bottles all together once he mellows out? That at least gets you away from formula, and he can still see the baby take it in. If you're going to do this, realize that you have to pump to replace that feeding every time to maintain your supply, especially this early. If I were in your shoes, I would also make your DH actually give him the bottle while you go pump. I bet he'll stop giving you a hard time after that.

course11 · June 2012

Hi all,

Thanks for all of the input! To those who are critical of DH; I wouldn't call my husband a bully or a nitwit. We're both doing the best we can, and I agreed to the bottle last night because I was a little unsure myself of whether DS is getting enough to eat. I did a weighted feeding last week and he only got 1.6 oz* in the feeding. And now that I've looked at my diaper records, he has only had 4-5 wet diapers in recent days, and he went 7 days without a poopy diaper.

I like the idea of renting/buying a scale, as well as giving pumped milk in a bottle if necessary. (The only trick is pumping enough to make up a bottle - I only get about an ounce at a time!)

*The LC I saw last week at the weighted feeding suggested I look into domperidone. Early on, I had taken Fenugreek and then Reglan to up my supply, but I'm now off of both of them and my pumped amounts have gone down again. My midwife refused to write a scrip for domperidone b/c it's not FDA approved; she said she'd be willing to put me back on Reglan, though I'm concerned about its side effects if I take it longer-term, as I have a history of depression.

Sparks in training! · June 2012

arhhhhhhh!! OMG why do they do this?! I about SMACKED my Husband with this SAME argument! I had the pediatrician call him and explain it to him. But that was after a HUGE yelling argument. The doctor explained to DH about cluster feeding and fussy times etc. Now when DH sees baby having issues or cluster feeds he just leaves the room. DH cant handle to see DS cry.

My DH was ready to force formula or ask me to switch to pumping only. That was a HELL TO THE NO! So I allowed him to pump so he could see the amount of intake. That helped a little. Best was the doctor.

zellerwallacebaby · June 2012

I told my husband I did not want to hear another word about it until her wrote a report about why formula was as good as breast milk.

Everytme he piped up I said "did you write your report yet? no, then shut up" (hormones early on explain the "shut up").

After a couple weeks he actually looked up some stuff on his own and this was his report "Formula won't kill the baby". That's also the title. He couldn't even say formula isn't bad for the baby, just, "it won't kill the baby". He becamse a lot more supportive after that. I think doing a web search on his own, and finding SO MUCH information for breast feeding, he couldn't refute it.

Unfortunately I had to pump though, so we did know exactly how much she was getting. I agree with PPs to use a scale if that's the only concern.

Hang in there!

iluvmylab · June 2012

Tell him that when he grows a pair of boobs, he can make that decision.

All kidding aside, I think this is your decision, since you are wanting to do what is best for your child. Sounds like your DH is just very misinformed and needs to be educated a bit.

beck12803 · June 2012

I am SOOO glad you defended your husband! My husband was a little weary of me EBF'ing and it just took time for him to get used to it. Now, 10 months later, he's glad I did. But it was something we discussed. Your (and ALL) DH's have a right to have a say in THEIR children's upbringing, also. And it's nice that he is concerned about your baby's weight.

I know I'm a few days late, but seeing other women bullying your DH, I had to comment. :-) The confidence in the fact that your DS is getting enough milk will come a lot easier with time. You'll know the signs of when he's hungry easier and understand when he's full. GOOD LUCK!!!

Want a personalized experience?

I want to EBF, husband wants to FF

Re: I want to EBF, husband wants to FF

Choose Another Board

Search Boards