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Natural Birth
couliegirl
member
My murphy's law birth story...
couliegirl
member
First, I have to say that I'm really glad I came on here yesterday. I've been feeling pretty dissapointed about my birthstory, and it was really comforting to know that my experience isn't unique and that it's ok to feel a little sad.
Well, it all started Wednesday morning when I thought that I had peed my pants. I didn't really think anything of it at the time, but looking back, I was just in denial about what had happened. I wasn't contracting or anything, so I went to work as usual. I had a few other 'pants peeing' episodes through out the day, but no contractions still, so I went on about my business.
At about 4pm I went to the bathroom, and my panty liner was pink and it finally clicked that I needed to go to the hospital. I called my husband and he met me there. I cried most of the way to the hospital, because I knew they were going to induce labor. I had wanted a water birth and knew that it would be impossible if I needed to be hooked up to an IV. Sure enough, when I got there and got all checked I spoke with the MW on call and she recommended that we start pitocin. There went my water birth.
The contractions in the beginning were alright, but the baby wouldn't cooperate with the fetal monitor. It was becoming impossible to stay put for the fetal monitoring, and stay comfortable through the contractions. I opted for an internal monitor. After that was all situated I did pretty well for awhile. The birthing suite was huge and we were able to push all of the apparatuses into the bathroom so I could labor on the toilet which made the pain way more manageable. I was beginning to think that I was going to make it.
Then the contractions started happening one on top of the other and almost unbearable. I asked for an epidural. My husband, God bless him, stuck to our agreement, and said I should just try to make it through two more contractions and then make a decision. By this time it was about midnight, and both of us were exhausted. I made it through another contraction and called for the MW. She checked me and I was at 6cm. She asked if I wanted an epi. I told her not really, but that I couldn't do it anymore. I was just physically and emotionally exhausted. I felt like everything had been going wrong and just felt really defeated.
Within 20 minutes the epidural was in. I have no idea how i stayed still enough through those last few contractions. The MW checked me again when the epi took hold, I was at 9cm. I was so sad because I felt like if I had just held out a bit longer I would have made it. I'm a little haunted by a memory of crying and telling my husband that I really thought that I could do it. We made the decision to let my body labor down for awhile and let me get some rest.
In the end, the epidural kept me from losing my mind. I feel pretty lucky because I ended up with what you could call a walking epi. I could still move myself around in the bed and could definetly feel my feet and legs. I could feel the contractions, but they were nothing compared to the lovely pit inspired hell that I had been going through. I labored down for about 3 hours, had to move around a bit to get little man's head into position, and delivered him in about 8 pushes at 4:41 am.
I think I feel the most upset about the whole thing, because it seemed like one thing after another went wrong. Then I feel bad that I feel bad, if you know what I mean. Everett is so perfect, and I was still able to deliver vaginally in a relatively short amount of time. I feel like I shouldn't complain. I'm hoping that as time passes I will feel better about how things went.
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Re: My murphy's law birth story...
1. Congrats on your LO!
2. I'm sorry that your birth experience didn't go as planned. I can't imagine how that must feel, having never given birth myself. But you did the right thing by allowing the situation to dictate how it went--it turned out for the best for both you and your baby, from the sound of it. I can't tell you not to feel bad (nor would I), but I can tell you from what you wrote that it doesn't seem like there was anything to feel bad about!
3. I wouldn't call this complaining at all; you're understandably disappointed, and there's nothing wrong with that, or in voicing it!
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
Because my water had broke 9 hours prior and I was having zero contractions.
I agree completely with PP. You had a difficult induction and needed an epi, at least it allowed you the rest you needed and you were able to have a vaginal birth. Hopefully time will allow you to process and be more comfortable with your birth choices. Congrats again!