sleeping next to baby?

linda2002 · June 2012

My husband thinks I should sleep next to the baby to monitor the child for a bit when the baby comes home and to be right there in case to feed the baby etc. He also works and told me he can't be sleepless with the job he has. He told me that we should maybe move the spare bed into the nursery so I can sleep literally right next to the baby. I told me dad this and he said its not a good idea. But my husband doesn't want me to take him when I get up every few hours with the baby. Is it a good idea to do this or no?

noah-bear · June 2012

I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.

kelnyc · June 2012

I'd be seriously pissed if my husband tried to kick me out of our bedroom so he could get a good night's sleep. Ok, so he has to go to work, but you'd be the one actually getting out of bed to go into the other room (I gather the baby would not be sleeping in your room) and take of the baby multiple times a night. When does he think YOU get to sleep?! Totally selfish IMO.

linda2002 · June 2012

Actually its not that confusing really. Pretty simple.. should I put a bed in my baby's room and sleep next to our child when born or should I sleep in our bedroom with a monitor? I heard its not good for the baby.

Kaiterz · June 2012

noah-bear:
I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.

Yeah..

After the initial week of being home and getting accustomed to life w/ a nb it was agreed between MH and I that I would deal w/ all night wakings since I didn't work and was EBF. So no flames for your H's sleep being important. But it was never a thought in MH's mind, that he verbalized anyway, that the baby and I would need to be in a different room. MH rarely woke up when baby did, even when the kid was in her own room and crying over the monitor or through our shared wall.

I would suggest to your H to give it a trial run of staying in the master bedroom w/ the baby to see how it goes as it will prob be a non-issue.

btw, I do agree w/ your dad that it would be a bad idea. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms being healthy for most marriages. Add the stress of a NB and you could run into some problems.

kelnyc · June 2012

linda2002:
Actually its not that confusing really. Pretty simple.. should I put a bed in my baby's room and sleep next to our child when born or should I sleep in our bedroom with a monitor? I heard its not good for the baby.

She thought the baby was going to be in your room, which many parents do. What isn't good for the baby?

linda2002 · June 2012

Well he's in construction and has to get a good night sleep so he doesn't get hurt on the job. He's not kicking me out of the bedroom. He says we have to figure it out. He think's I will get naps when the baby sleeps. I'm breastfeeding so there wouldn't be much he could do that way.

Kaiterz · June 2012

linda2002:
Actually its not that confusing really. Pretty simple.. should I put a bed in my baby's room and sleep next to our child when born or should I sleep in our bedroom with a monitor? I heard its not good for the baby.

Why not have a bassinet, etc next to the bed? A baby sounds much louder over a monitor than when in the same room TBH.

Sillylttleone · June 2012

Not a good idea - https://www.hollywoodlife.com/2012/04/09/mother-kills-two-babies-in-bed/

APendola · June 2012

My husband and I agreed that I would handle the late night cries because A) I won't be working and b) he can't breastfeed anyway. But he's not kicking me out of the bedroom! To be fair, my husband is a heavy sleeper and if he does wake up, he falls back asleep easily. So he said it won't bother him even if I breastfeed in the bedroom and have to turn on a lamp.

As a previous poster mentioned, I would get your husband to do a trial run with either the monitor or the baby in your bedroom. If the monitor is on your side of the bed, you might wake up before he even notices. He can always use some ear plugs or something to help drown out the sound. That way you don't have to sleep separately. Also, your baby won't be up all night forever - it may only be a few weeks that has to deal with the constant sleep interruptions.

mandalinn25 · June 2012

Kaiterz:
noah-bear:
I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.
Yeah..
After the initial week of being home and getting accustomed to life w/ a nb it was agreed between MH and I that I would deal w/ all night wakings since I didn't work and was EBF. So no flames for your H's sleep being important. But it was never a thought in MH's mind, that he verbalized anyway, that the baby and I would need to be in a different room. MH rarely woke up when baby did, even when the kid was in her own room and crying over the monitor or through our shared wall.
I would suggest to your H to give it a trial run of staying in the master bedroom w/ the baby to see how it goes as it will prob be a non-issue.
btw, I do agree w/ your dad that it would be a bad idea. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms being healthy for most marriages. Add the stress of a NB and you could run into some problems.

Bwhaha, my dh and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it works just fine....it is actually becoming more and more common these days, due to separate schedules, different sleep needs, health issues, etc. Our marriage is just fine. It is just sleep, we find plenty of time for intimate stuff and hang out together before we go to bed. Although he is moving back into my room for the first month or so.

As for the OP do what you are comfortable with. I am keeping my LO in RnP next to my bed for ease of BFing in the first few months. Then will use a monitor later when she is in her crib.

mandalinn25 · June 2012

Sillylttleone:
Not a good idea - https://www.hollywoodlife.com/2012/04/09/mother-kills-two-babies-in-bed/

She is not talking about co-sleeping. Which can be done safely.

SarahP15 · June 2012

mandalinn25:
Sillylttleone:

Not a good idea - https://www.hollywoodlife.com/2012/04/09/mother-kills-two-babies-in-bed/

She is not talking about co-sleeping. Which can be done safely.

Yes

DS would only sleep next to or on me for the first month of his life so it was either get no sleep at all or learn to safely cosleep. We chose the latter.

OceanLover26 · June 2012

You have a couch right? I would be telling the husband to find it quickly. Yes, it is important for him to sleep well, but you will be recovering from having a baby so I think it would be in your best interest to get the comfort of the bed. Trust me, the hips HURT afterwards. And the ribs...and everything else. He can tough it out on the couch. My hubby is an engineer and he gladly let me and baby have the bed if he needs a night of unbroken sleep...and even still when he does that, I find him spying around the corner during a midnight feed asking me if I need anything. I wouldn't sweat it too much and just let him know he is welcome to sleep elsewhere if the baby waking is making him restless. Just my thoughts.

jlh2716 · June 2012

*Shrug* If you don't work and he does, I can see where he's coming from. I don't buy into the whole, "we're in this together, so if I have to get up, so do you" thing if you're on maternity leave or you're a SAHM and he works. DH works outside of the home, I don't (I'm currently WAH, but I've decided to quit after the baby gets here), so I suggested that I be the only one who has to get up with the baby at night (I plan on breastfeeding, so I'll have to anyway). We'll start with bed-sharing in our room, but if we continually disturb DH's sleep, I'm going to voluntarily put up a mattress in the nursery and bed-share there. That makes perfect sense to me.

As for it being unhealthy in a relationship, I guess if the only time you have sex is right before bed/right after waking up, then yeah, it could be detrimental to your marriage. We rarely have sex at those times, so I don't see that making a huge impact on us.

And as to whether or not bed-sharing or co-sleeping is a bad idea, that's something you'll need to do your own research on and decide for yourself and what works for your family. There are safe ways to do it, and a simple google search will tell you what precautions to take as well as other things to consider, such as how heavy of a sleeper you are and so on. Also, from what I understand, you have to take cues from the baby--I've heard stories where some babies do well with co-sleeping, and others that just don't.

linda2002 · June 2012

No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.

kelnyc · June 2012

mandalinn25:
Kaiterz:

noah-bear:
I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.

Yeah..

After the initial week of being home and getting accustomed to life w/ a nb it was agreed between MH and I that I would deal w/ all night wakings since I didn't work and was EBF. So no flames for your H's sleep being important. But it was never a thought in MH's mind, that he verbalized anyway, that the baby and I would need to be in a different room. MH rarely woke up when baby did, even when the kid was in her own room and crying over the monitor or through our shared wall.

I would suggest to your H to give it a trial run of staying in the master bedroom w/ the baby to see how it goes as it will prob be a non-issue.

btw, I do agree w/ your dad that it would be a bad idea. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms being healthy for most marriages. Add the stress of a NB and you could run into some problems.

Bwhaha, my dh and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it works just fine....it is actually becoming more and more common these days, due to separate schedules, different sleep needs, health issues, etc. Our marriage is just fine. It is just sleep, we find plenty of time for intimate stuff and hang out together before we go to bed. Although he is moving back into my room for the first month or so.

As for the OP do what you are comfortable with. I am keeping my LO in RnP next to my bed for ease of BFing in the first few months. Then will use a monitor later when she is in her crib.

That's great manda, but I certainly wouldn't say that's the norm or even very common at all. And you two made this choice together, which is not the case for OP. He's basically saying, "I have to work so I don't want to be woken up, so you should probably sleep in the baby's room. Kthx." Not the same thing IMO.

kelnyc · June 2012

jlh2716:

*Shrug* If you don't work and he does, I can see where he's coming from. I don't buy into the whole, "we're in this together, so if I have to get up, so do you" thing if you're on maternity leave or you're a SAHM and he works. DH works outside of the home, I don't (I'm currently WAH, but I've decided to quit after the baby gets here), so I suggested that I be the only one who has to get up with the baby at night (I plan on breastfeeding, so I'll have to anyway). We'll start with bed-sharing in our room, but if we continually disturb DH's sleep, I'm going to voluntarily put up a mattress in the nursery and bed-share there. That makes perfect sense to me. That's your opinion, but why does his "work outside the home" entitle him to more sleep and your bed when you have to take care of the baby all day AND night? Seems totally one-sided to me.

As for it being unhealthy in a relationship, I guess if the only time you have sex is right before bed/right after waking up, then yeah, it could be detrimental to your marriage. We rarely have sex at those times, so I don't see that making a huge impact on us. You have no other intimacy or late night talks or reading or anything in your bed at night? You just go in and either have sex or go right to sleep? That's kinda sad.

And as to whether or not bed-sharing or co-sleeping is a bad idea, that's something you'll need to do your own research on and decide for yourself and what works for your family. There are safe ways to do it, and a simple google search will tell you what precautions to take as well as other things to consider, such as how heavy of a sleeper you are and so on. Also, from what I understand, you have to take cues from the baby--I've heard stories where some babies do well with co-sleeping, and others that just don't.

jlh2716 · June 2012

kelnyc:
jlh2716:

*Shrug* If you don't work and he does, I can see where he's coming from. I don't buy into the whole, "we're in this together, so if I have to get up, so do you" thing if you're on maternity leave or you're a SAHM and he works. DH works outside of the home, I don't (I'm currently WAH, but I've decided to quit after the baby gets here), so I suggested that I be the only one who has to get up with the baby at night (I plan on breastfeeding, so I'll have to anyway). We'll start with bed-sharing in our room, but if we continually disturb DH's sleep, I'm going to voluntarily put up a mattress in the nursery and bed-share there. That makes perfect sense to me. That's your opinion, but why does his "work outside the home" entitle him to more sleep and your bed when you have to take care of the baby all day AND night? Seems totally one-sided to me.

As for it being unhealthy in a relationship, I guess if the only time you have sex is right before bed/right after waking up, then yeah, it could be detrimental to your marriage. We rarely have sex at those times, so I don't see that making a huge impact on us. You have no other intimacy or late night talks or reading or anything in your bed at night? You just go in and either have sex or go right to sleep? That's kinda sad.

And as to whether or not bed-sharing or co-sleeping is a bad idea, that's something you'll need to do your own research on and decide for yourself and what works for your family. There are safe ways to do it, and a simple google search will tell you what precautions to take as well as other things to consider, such as how heavy of a sleeper you are and so on. Also, from what I understand, you have to take cues from the baby--I've heard stories where some babies do well with co-sleeping, and others that just don't.

To your first question, yes, it's my opinion. And I never claimed it to be anything else. You have your opinion, I have mine. I feel that he is more entitled to more sleep because his job requires him to be on his toes at all times; mine will entail feeding a baby, changing diapers, and sleeping when I can. And I find the other mattress to be just as comfortable as the one in our room, so no loss there for me. So for us, it doesn't feel one-sided at all.

To your second question, no; when we go to bed for the night, we go to bed to sleep. We have time to talk and suchwhat at other times, and we do; nothing sad about doing it at different times if it works for you.

Edit: I didn't actually answer the first question the first time. Oops...

mandalinn25 · June 2012

kelnyc:
mandalinn25:
Kaiterz:

noah-bear:
I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.

Yeah..

After the initial week of being home and getting accustomed to life w/ a nb it was agreed between MH and I that I would deal w/ all night wakings since I didn't work and was EBF. So no flames for your H's sleep being important. But it was never a thought in MH's mind, that he verbalized anyway, that the baby and I would need to be in a different room. MH rarely woke up when baby did, even when the kid was in her own room and crying over the monitor or through our shared wall.

I would suggest to your H to give it a trial run of staying in the master bedroom w/ the baby to see how it goes as it will prob be a non-issue.

btw, I do agree w/ your dad that it would be a bad idea. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms being healthy for most marriages. Add the stress of a NB and you could run into some problems.

Bwhaha, my dh and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it works just fine....it is actually becoming more and more common these days, due to separate schedules, different sleep needs, health issues, etc. Our marriage is just fine. It is just sleep, we find plenty of time for intimate stuff and hang out together before we go to bed. Although he is moving back into my room for the first month or so.

As for the OP do what you are comfortable with. I am keeping my LO in RnP next to my bed for ease of BFing in the first few months. Then will use a monitor later when she is in her crib.

That's great manda, but I certainly wouldn't say that's the norm or even very common at all. And you two made this choice together, which is not the case for OP. He's basically saying, "I have to work so I don't want to be woken up, so you should probably sleep in the baby's room. Kthx." Not the same thing IMO.

I was just commenting on the post how it can be awful,for your marriage, etc. I agree that it is silly for him to force her out because he doesnt want to be woken up, it is his baby too.

The comment about it being more popular is just based on new homes erc being built, my dh is in real estate and it is really becoming popular to have 2 master suites now, one for the husband and one for the wife. Of course it is not the majority, but it is more common now, that is all.

caeraRose · June 2012

In the end, it's about whatever makes you most comfortable. If you are comfortable with sleeping away from your husband, and you both think it would be best for the two of you, you might as well try it. However, I'd recommend that any arrangement is temporary and open to discussion later - his sleep is obviously important, but if you start having trouble keeping up with your sleep, I think it's fair for him to take a turn, as well. If you're the only one caring for a newborn, you'll be running the risk of getting overwhelmed and possibly developing PPD. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try it, it just means that the two of you should make sure that you communicate about each others' needs really well.

Personally, my husband and I will both be getting up every time LO wakes... I'll be a SAHM and he'll be working 7-5, but it's important to him that we share the workload evenly. He's going to get up every single time to get LO, change her diaper, and then he'll hand her to me for breastfeeding before going back to bed. I would be upset if he wasn't willing to take his turn getting up at night, and I would be very upset if he asked me to sleep in a different room, but I know that our relationship is different from others, and what works for us won't necessarily work for everyone else.

kelnyc · June 2012

jlh2716:
kelnyc:
jlh2716:

*Shrug* If you don't work and he does, I can see where he's coming from. I don't buy into the whole, "we're in this together, so if I have to get up, so do you" thing if you're on maternity leave or you're a SAHM and he works. DH works outside of the home, I don't (I'm currently WAH, but I've decided to quit after the baby gets here), so I suggested that I be the only one who has to get up with the baby at night (I plan on breastfeeding, so I'll have to anyway). We'll start with bed-sharing in our room, but if we continually disturb DH's sleep, I'm going to voluntarily put up a mattress in the nursery and bed-share there. That makes perfect sense to me. That's your opinion, but why does his "work outside the home" entitle him to more sleep and your bed when you have to take care of the baby all day AND night? Seems totally one-sided to me.

As for it being unhealthy in a relationship, I guess if the only time you have sex is right before bed/right after waking up, then yeah, it could be detrimental to your marriage. We rarely have sex at those times, so I don't see that making a huge impact on us. You have no other intimacy or late night talks or reading or anything in your bed at night? You just go in and either have sex or go right to sleep? That's kinda sad.

And as to whether or not bed-sharing or co-sleeping is a bad idea, that's something you'll need to do your own research on and decide for yourself and what works for your family. There are safe ways to do it, and a simple google search will tell you what precautions to take as well as other things to consider, such as how heavy of a sleeper you are and so on. Also, from what I understand, you have to take cues from the baby--I've heard stories where some babies do well with co-sleeping, and others that just don't.

To your first question, yes, it's my opinion. And I never claimed it to be anything else. You have your opinion, I have mine. I don't see it as one-sided.

To your second question, no; when we go to bed for the night, we go to bed to sleep. We have time to talk and suchwhat at other times, and we do; nothing sad about doing it at different times if it works for you.

Fair enough. You're right everyone does things differently.

kelnyc · June 2012

mandalinn25:
kelnyc:
mandalinn25:
Kaiterz:

noah-bear:
I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.

Yeah..

After the initial week of being home and getting accustomed to life w/ a nb it was agreed between MH and I that I would deal w/ all night wakings since I didn't work and was EBF. So no flames for your H's sleep being important. But it was never a thought in MH's mind, that he verbalized anyway, that the baby and I would need to be in a different room. MH rarely woke up when baby did, even when the kid was in her own room and crying over the monitor or through our shared wall.

I would suggest to your H to give it a trial run of staying in the master bedroom w/ the baby to see how it goes as it will prob be a non-issue.

btw, I do agree w/ your dad that it would be a bad idea. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms being healthy for most marriages. Add the stress of a NB and you could run into some problems.

Bwhaha, my dh and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it works just fine....it is actually becoming more and more common these days, due to separate schedules, different sleep needs, health issues, etc. Our marriage is just fine. It is just sleep, we find plenty of time for intimate stuff and hang out together before we go to bed. Although he is moving back into my room for the first month or so.

As for the OP do what you are comfortable with. I am keeping my LO in RnP next to my bed for ease of BFing in the first few months. Then will use a monitor later when she is in her crib.

That's great manda, but I certainly wouldn't say that's the norm or even very common at all. And you two made this choice together, which is not the case for OP. He's basically saying, "I have to work so I don't want to be woken up, so you should probably sleep in the baby's room. Kthx." Not the same thing IMO.

I was just commenting on the post how it can be awful,for your marriage, etc. I agree that it is silly for him to force her out because he doesnt want to be woken up, it is his baby too.

The comment about it being more popular is just based on new homes erc being built, my dh is in real estate and it is really becoming popular to have 2 master suites now, one for the husband and one for the wife. Of course it is not the majority, but it is more common now, that is all.

Interesting... I mean, my grandparents had separate beds, then separate rooms because his snoring got to be so loud, lol! But they were certainly seniors by then. I had no idea it was gaining steam in other ages groups as well.

salt78 · June 2012

kelnyc:
I'd be seriously pissed if my husband tried to kick me out of our bedroom so he could get a good night's sleep. Ok, so he has to go to work, but you'd be the one actually getting out of bed to go into the other room (I gather the baby would not be sleeping in your room) and take of the baby multiple times a night. When does he think YOU get to sleep?! Totally selfish IMO.

Yeah this. Too bad so sad about his job. Newborns cry and wake you up. Tell him to grow a pair.

jlh2716 · June 2012

kelnyc:
jlh2716:
kelnyc:
jlh2716:

*Shrug* If you don't work and he does, I can see where he's coming from. I don't buy into the whole, "we're in this together, so if I have to get up, so do you" thing if you're on maternity leave or you're a SAHM and he works. DH works outside of the home, I don't (I'm currently WAH, but I've decided to quit after the baby gets here), so I suggested that I be the only one who has to get up with the baby at night (I plan on breastfeeding, so I'll have to anyway). We'll start with bed-sharing in our room, but if we continually disturb DH's sleep, I'm going to voluntarily put up a mattress in the nursery and bed-share there. That makes perfect sense to me. That's your opinion, but why does his "work outside the home" entitle him to more sleep and your bed when you have to take care of the baby all day AND night? Seems totally one-sided to me.

As for it being unhealthy in a relationship, I guess if the only time you have sex is right before bed/right after waking up, then yeah, it could be detrimental to your marriage. We rarely have sex at those times, so I don't see that making a huge impact on us. You have no other intimacy or late night talks or reading or anything in your bed at night? You just go in and either have sex or go right to sleep? That's kinda sad.

And as to whether or not bed-sharing or co-sleeping is a bad idea, that's something you'll need to do your own research on and decide for yourself and what works for your family. There are safe ways to do it, and a simple google search will tell you what precautions to take as well as other things to consider, such as how heavy of a sleeper you are and so on. Also, from what I understand, you have to take cues from the baby--I've heard stories where some babies do well with co-sleeping, and others that just don't.

To your first question, yes, it's my opinion. And I never claimed it to be anything else. You have your opinion, I have mine. I don't see it as one-sided.

To your second question, no; when we go to bed for the night, we go to bed to sleep. We have time to talk and suchwhat at other times, and we do; nothing sad about doing it at different times if it works for you.

Fair enough. You're right everyone does things differently.

On a side note, we're only doing that on his workdays; he insists on being in on the middle-of-the-night action on his off days. And of course before he goes to work/when he gets off work. I guess I should've clarified--I'm not doing everything all the time. Smile

KrazyKat35 · June 2012

I think that if you are okay with it then it doesnt matter what ever one else thinks. DH actually LIKED getting up with LO and changin him even tho he works and i dont. He would change him and then give him to me so i could BF him. When we set up the cradle this time around for DS2 he actaully put the cradle on his side of the bed instead of mine which i figured it would be goin. So it all just kinda depends on the person and their wnats and choices. So if it works for you and DH then thats all that matters hun. But i do feel that if you are goin to be doin the night thing and the day thing then he really needs to take over when he gets home from work.

piinkzebrapriint · June 2012

Maybe have the baby in a bassinet beside your bed! There's no way in hell I would let myself be kicked out of my own room, lol. Having a child is a huge lifestyle change and I think waking up is something you AND him will have to get used to!

OSUx2 · June 2012

If your DH doesn't want to be woken he should have thought about it before you got pregnant. Interruptions to sleep are a fact of life with a baby so he needs to get used to it.

Grins04 · June 2012

My son slept in a PNP next to our bed for the first two months (he was within arm's reach of me)...basically co-sleeping. Believe me when I tell you that you won't sleep as deeply as you currently do - it's like you are listening for your baby in your sleep. So you will often (though not always) wake before baby gets a chance to cry.

I was in charge of night feedings and changes with my son since I SAH, unless DH was off for a few nights in a row (I liked to let him sleep in on some days). DH might have stirred a couple times, but he never woke-up, and he continued to sleep. It was no problem for us. And with him going off and working 12 hour shifts, bringing home the money, I wanted him well rested. When he came home he helped out in other ways...so no complaints from me. That being said, I was exhausted. I did sleep during the day when DS did, but it isn't the same (and I don't get that luxury this time around with having a 3 year old). I wasn't getting quality sleep and it was broken up. I hope for your sake your DH tries to pitch in every once in a while (like when he's off the next day) so you can get some sleep.

If you're comfortable sleeping in another room that's fine...but you have to choose what's best for you. You don't have to decide now. Try a PNP/bassinet in your room for the first week or so, and see how it goes. It will be an adjustment for you both at first, so keep that in mind as well. I know I personally wouldn't be okay with baby being in a separate room, so either way I would want baby sleeping near me. GL!

Kaiterz · June 2012

That's why I said 'most'.

White0rchid · June 2012

linda2002:
No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.

Please tell me that you mean the baby sleeping with you would be dumb because it would wake your DH. Otherwise, I have zero respect for you right now.

jlh2716 · June 2012

White0rchid:
linda2002:
No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.
Please tell me that you mean the baby sleeping with you would be dumb because it would wake your DH. Otherwise, I have zero respect for you right now.

Oh, how did I miss that comment earlier?

OP, I'm venturing a guess that you did no research on this topic, so how is it obviously dumb to you?

Andreabks · June 2012

DH and i have slept in different beds off and on over the past 8 years. i'm a light sleeper and no amount of ear plugs or sound machines can stop him from being a very mobile sleeper. So in some respects I can understand your DH, especially if you plan on BFing and he is working. espeically on the safety factor of your DH's job.

That being said, i'd try to see if having baby in room would work first. if not, then figure out something later. or if you're more comfortable with baby in its own room and using a monitor, go for it.

i'd have a hard time moving a bed into our baby room, there just isn't room for it and i wouldn't want her to be used to having one of us in her room with her at all times. i'd rather do that in my room (bassinet) then transition her to her own room later. but this is just me.

White0rchid · June 2012

jlh2716:
White0rchid:
linda2002:
No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.
Please tell me that you mean the baby sleeping with you would be dumb because it would wake your DH. Otherwise, I have zero respect for you right now.
Oh, how did I miss that comment earlier?
OP, I'm venturing a guess that you did no research on this topic, so how is it obviously dumb to you?

Sadly enough, I think she's serious and meant that co-sleeping and bed sharing is dumb.

I think her and her DH have much bigger issues, though. I clicked on her user name and read a post she made a few weeks ago about her H being unsupportive. He sounds like a giant douchebag.

jlh2716 · June 2012

White0rchid:
jlh2716:
White0rchid:
linda2002:
No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.
Please tell me that you mean the baby sleeping with you would be dumb because it would wake your DH. Otherwise, I have zero respect for you right now.
Oh, how did I miss that comment earlier?
OP, I'm venturing a guess that you did no research on this topic, so how is it obviously dumb to you?
Sadly enough, I think she's serious and meant that co-sleeping and bed sharing is dumb.
I think her and her DH have much bigger issues, though. I clicked on her user name and read a post she made a few weeks ago about her H being unsupportive. He sounds like a giant douchebag.

Ew. That sucks for her. Sad

And unfortunately, I'm getting used to that particular reaction to co-sleeping/bed-sharing. I have no issue with it if someone did the research and thinks it's still unsafe for whatever reason, but it does irritate me a bit when someone doesn't look into it and just automatically thinks I'm this horrible mother for wanting to start out doing it.

Edit: Holy crap, I read some of her other posts...I know I said earlier how I feel about our sleeping arrangement when the baby gets here, but man, I'd be seriously pissed if my husband treated me like that! That's terrible...

White0rchid · June 2012

jlh2716:
White0rchid:
jlh2716:
White0rchid:
linda2002:
No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.
Please tell me that you mean the baby sleeping with you would be dumb because it would wake your DH. Otherwise, I have zero respect for you right now.
Oh, how did I miss that comment earlier?
OP, I'm venturing a guess that you did no research on this topic, so how is it obviously dumb to you?
Sadly enough, I think she's serious and meant that co-sleeping and bed sharing is dumb.
I think her and her DH have much bigger issues, though. I clicked on her user name and read a post she made a few weeks ago about her H being unsupportive. He sounds like a giant douchebag.
Ew. That sucks for her.
And unfortunately, I'm getting used to that particular reaction to co-sleeping/bed-sharing. I have no issue with it if someone did the research and thinks it's still unsafe for whatever reason, but it does irritate me a bit when someone doesn't look into it and just automatically thinks I'm this horrible mother for wanting to start out doing it.
Edit: Holy crap, I read some of her other posts...I know I said earlier how I feel about our sleeping arrangement when the baby gets here, but man, I'd be seriously pissed if my husband put it to me like that! That's terrible...

I've learned just to ignore the criticism. My nephew died of SIDS, so I did tons of research before DD1 came along. We decided when she was 3 months old to bring her into our bed. It was the best decision for us. She slept well, and we slept well. It made nursing at night a breeze. I think people totally ignore the fact that it is safe as long as you're not on drugs, drunk, or overweight. DD2 went straight into our bed on first day home from the hospital, as will this baby.

Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. Especially all the critics out there who have done zero research on the topic.

jlh2716 · June 2012

White0rchid:
jlh2716:
White0rchid:
jlh2716:
White0rchid:
linda2002:
No I didn't mean actually sleeping in the same bed as the baby that's obiviously dumb. I meant sleeping next to the baby on a serperate bed with the baby in its crib.
Please tell me that you mean the baby sleeping with you would be dumb because it would wake your DH. Otherwise, I have zero respect for you right now.
Oh, how did I miss that comment earlier?
OP, I'm venturing a guess that you did no research on this topic, so how is it obviously dumb to you?
Sadly enough, I think she's serious and meant that co-sleeping and bed sharing is dumb.
I think her and her DH have much bigger issues, though. I clicked on her user name and read a post she made a few weeks ago about her H being unsupportive. He sounds like a giant douchebag.
Ew. That sucks for her.
And unfortunately, I'm getting used to that particular reaction to co-sleeping/bed-sharing. I have no issue with it if someone did the research and thinks it's still unsafe for whatever reason, but it does irritate me a bit when someone doesn't look into it and just automatically thinks I'm this horrible mother for wanting to start out doing it.
Edit: Holy crap, I read some of her other posts...I know I said earlier how I feel about our sleeping arrangement when the baby gets here, but man, I'd be seriously pissed if my husband put it to me like that! That's terrible...
I've learned just to ignore the criticism. My nephew died of SIDS, so I did tons of research before DD1 came along. We decided when she was 3 months old to bring her into our bed. It was the best decision for us. She slept well, and we slept well. It made nursing at night a breeze. I think people totally ignore the fact that it is safe as long as you're not on drugs, drunk, or overweight. DD2 went straight into our bed on first day home from the hospital, as will this baby.
Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. Especially all the critics out there who have done zero research on the topic.

I'm sorry to hear about your nephew. I can't even imagine that horror...

Yeah, I'm learning to just smile and move on. I tried at first telling people what I'd researched, but it did no good. Both DH and I agreed to start out with it, and if it works well for us and the baby, then we'll continue; if it doesn't for whatever reason, we'll adjust as needed along the way. If I start letting nay-sayers dictate what we do on that score, next it'll be the name we chose, then baby wearing, then it'll be when to quit breastfeeding, and then...and then...lol

Jessfulller · June 2012

kelnyc:
mandalinn25:
Kaiterz:

noah-bear:
I am a little confused on what you are saying/asking, but if the baby is next to you, you will wake up before LO screams and wakes up DH.

Yeah..

After the initial week of being home and getting accustomed to life w/ a nb it was agreed between MH and I that I would deal w/ all night wakings since I didn't work and was EBF. So no flames for your H's sleep being important. But it was never a thought in MH's mind, that he verbalized anyway, that the baby and I would need to be in a different room. MH rarely woke up when baby did, even when the kid was in her own room and crying over the monitor or through our shared wall.

I would suggest to your H to give it a trial run of staying in the master bedroom w/ the baby to see how it goes as it will prob be a non-issue.

btw, I do agree w/ your dad that it would be a bad idea. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms being healthy for most marriages. Add the stress of a NB and you could run into some problems.

Bwhaha, my dh and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it works just fine....it is actually becoming more and more common these days, due to separate schedules, different sleep needs, health issues, etc. Our marriage is just fine. It is just sleep, we find plenty of time for intimate stuff and hang out together before we go to bed. Although he is moving back into my room for the first month or so.

As for the OP do what you are comfortable with. I am keeping my LO in RnP next to my bed for ease of BFing in the first few months. Then will use a monitor later when she is in her crib.

That's great manda, but I certainly wouldn't say that's the norm or even very common at all. And you two made this choice together, which is not the case for OP. He's basically saying, "I have to work so I don't want to be woken up, so you should probably sleep in the baby's room. Kthx." Not the same thing IMO.

Yes

krismott25 · June 2012

I only skimmed some of the other posts but it seems like some people are flamming your for this OP. In my opinion I understand where your dh is coming from. I actually offered something similar to my DH. He of course didn't force it on me by any means. I will be able to nap during the day when he is stuck working. He also drives at least and hour each way to work and I just don't think that is safe to do sleep deprived. What we have decided to at least attempt is he will help with the 10 and 4 am feeding since he gets up that early. The only reason I'm asking him to even do that is because we are having twins and I just don't know yet if I can feed, burp, and change 2 babies. For the record I'll be going back to work 2 night shifts a week so he will be getting his fair share of nights completly by himself. Bottom line is whatever works for you and your dh is all that matters. I don't think he should get off scott free but that's what weekends are for. Might I point out this isn't for eternity either, hopefully your baby will start sleeping through the night, or at least most of the night in a couple months.

AmberMH08 · June 2012

my DH works 3rd shift we co sleep with playpen beside bed. but during day naps baby will be in living room with me so DH will never except weekends have to deal with night time baby because he is at work. If it becomes a problem fix it then not create more of a distance between u and DH in first weeks he will have to loose sleep and u will need him emotionally 2

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