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Helping a toddler adjust to a new sibling?

sapgirl76sapgirl76 member
in Attachment Parenting

Mamas who've been there, done that, do you have any advice?

Henry has started hitting, biting, and throwing things, mostly at the baby but sometimes at us. He also steals Ian's bottles and drinks out of them ir runs away with them.  There seems to be no obvious trigger- it happens at all times of day. It started about three days after Ian came home. We've tried saying Ouch! That hurts! We don't hit! (etc.), redirecting and distracting, and making a huge deal over the wounded party. He still does it.

 We tried to prep him before Ian was born- we talked about the baby before he was born a lot and read books about being a big  brother. we've talked about his feelings now and have told him it's okay to be mad or sad or jealous but it's not okay to be mean. Henry gets a ton of one-on-one time with me, too.  We want the negative behavior to stop but are feeling like we're spinning our wheels. Any tips?

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Re: Helping a toddler adjust to a new sibling?

  • brewcitybridebrewcitybride
    It's so common, and I didn't find anything that helped, except time. 6 weeks after the baby was born, DD had settled down and the baby was no big news anymore!
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  • wheelsonthebuswheelsonthebus member
    I'm not sure how AP this is, but we try to give as little attention to the bad behavior as possible. Whenever my DS does something to the baby that is violent or unacceptable I get right down on his level and tell him no. Then if he continues or if he throws a tantrum, he goes right to his room for a time out. I make sure to give him positive attention when I can and then little to no attention for the bad behavior.

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  • sapgirl76sapgirl76 member

    Thank you for the advice! Henry had a terrific behavior day yesterday- tons of praise for him! Here's hoping he follows this trend. 

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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member

    imagewheelsonthebus:
    I'm not sure how AP this is, but we try to give as little attention to the bad behavior as possible. Whenever my DS does something to the baby that is violent or unacceptable I get right down on his level and tell him no. Then if he continues or if he throws a tantrum, he goes right to his room for a time out. I make sure to give him positive attention when I can and then little to no attention for the bad behavior.

    We did something similar. We didn't do formal TOs because my son was so young, but if he was being violent to me/the baby, I'd just pick up the baby, walk in another room and ignore his behavior. Since there were baby gates up, it's easy for me to do this. I'd ignore him for a minute or so and then go back to the room. I'd sit down with him and practice touching the baby gently. When he did it himself I made a huge deal about it offering lots of praise. If it's attention seeking, giving more attention to it only fuels the behavior.

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  • bugsmamibugsmami member
    The biggest thing that helped (besides time!) was trying to give DS the words to say to what he was feeling... mainly "I need attention". He found out quick what things got me irritated (pushing over the table w/ all my nursing supplies/water!). I learned the hard way to not make a big deal of the action, but to try to get him to say that he was needing my attention, or he was frustrated, etc. He really was just acting out his insecurities, and needing to know that I was still there for him! It wasn't easy the first few weeks, but it did get better.. hang in there! They really don't have impulse control, so it takes a lot of practice and me learning to not react to the behaviour.
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