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Late Term and Child Loss
sloannmark
member
Introduction...
sloannmark
member
I posted this on the miscarriage/loss board yesterday but as I read the posts on this board, I feel I might belong here too...My name is Erica and I recently lost my twin boys at 17 weeks. It breaks my heart that I need to introduce myself on here, but I need the support of others who've been through this.It took my husband and I a lot to get here. After three surgeries on fibroids/cysts, severe endo, and still remaining fibroids, our RE thought of best (if not only) option for pregnancy was IVF, so in February, we transferred two embryos and to our surprise, became pregnant with twins. It was a difficult pregnancy- bleeding every week, blots clots, and a remaining 5cm fibroid.On May 17, my water broke for Baby A. I spent the night in the hospital, Baby A was still alive but his fluid was low. I was put on immediate at-home bed rest. Three days later, A's umbilical cord began to come out and I returned to the hospital. An ultrasound showed that Baby A no longer had a heart beat. The doctor attempted to cut the umbilical cord and clamp it so it would not come out, but the next day, I delivered Gabriel Mark in the toilet. It was the worst moment of my life. For the next two days, I bled a ridiculous amount (one gush would soak a pad) but B was still alive. I was in discomfort and my fever was not going down. Antibiotics were not helping and I was becoming ill. On May 24, the doctor decided I needed to deliver Baby B. A few hours later, I was given an epidural, pitocin, and before I knew it had delivered Zachary David. I held him in my arms for a brief moment to say goodbye.I'm heart broken and angry, and scared that we'll never have a family. I have a frozen embryo that in time we'll use, but I feel like my body is so messed up that it may just not ever happen.I look forward to getting to know you all...Erica
Severe endo & fibroids, IVF #1 BFP with twins, Gabriel Mark (5/20/12) & Zachary David (5/24/12)- said goodbye to my two angels at 17 weeks due to pprom.
IVF#2 FET 9/24, Beta #1 10/3...
My Blog: http://theunfixableme.blogspot.com/
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Introduction...
Erica, your story made me cry and I am so sad to welcome you here. I am sorry for the loss of your precious boys Gabriel and Zachary. We can all relate to your sorrow, anger and fear. A few of the women on this board made notes in this post for new Angel Mommies: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66361040.aspx
This board has been a comfort for me since the loss of my daughter Patricia at 31 weeks. I hope we can be so for you as well.
Erica,
Your story brought tears to my eyes because it is so similar to mine. I too lost my twins a little over 2 months ago at 19 weeks. It was the most difficult, heartbreaking moment of my life.
I can understand your anger and fears 100%, because I too have them every day! It has helped me tremendously to talk about my loss on this board with with others. I hope that we can bring you some peace in throughout the upcoming weeks.
A quote that has I've lived by since I lost my girls has been: "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
If ya ever need someone to talk too, feel free to message me!
~Kristin
Erica, I am so sorry you had to join us. I lost my twin boys William and Robert at 22 weeks in January. We can all totally relate to everything you are thinking and feeling. I totally understand being so angry at your body. It just doesn't seem fair.
I have found a lot of comfort in talking to people to have been through the same situation and you find that on this board. Feel free to message me if you want to talk, vent, or ask any questions.
Take care...
I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your sweet angels, Gabriel and Zachary. Please know you can be yourself here and there's no judgment. You're among friends now.
*HUGS*
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
Your story made me cry too. I am just so incredibly sorry for all you've been through and most of all for the loss of your sweet babies, Gabriel and Zachary.
The grief over losing a child is like nothing I have ever experienced. It is a long road, and it takes time. Be kind to yourself. Don't feel like you *should* be any particular way. Everyone is different. I was out of work for 6 weeks and needed that time for myself. I did things at my home and friends came to visit. Some women prefer to go right back. Anything is fine.
I went to a grief counselor in January and should have gone much earlier. I highly recommend that you seek one out for a visit or two at least, even if you think you don't need it. I saw a Christian as that is by belief and it helped a great deal. I also recommend the book "Good Grief" by Westberg as it helped me understand the stages of grief (it includes 10 and is more specific than others).
Other good books are Grieving The Child I Never Knew, The One Year Book of Hope and Empty Cradle Broken Heart.
I am just so, so sorry for your loss. If you need to talk, you can email me at jenn (dot) craver (at) yahoo (dot) com
We also have a loss FB group if you would like to join. It is a secret group, but if you want to join, email me your real name and I can get an admin to add you.
Hugs,
Jenn
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
thelossblog.blogspot.com
I'm so very sorry for the losses of your sweet babies, Gabriel and Zachary. I never like to welcome someone to this board, but I hope that you'll find the comfort and support here with us as I have.
((Hugs to you))
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
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TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
I am so so sorry for the loss of your sweet boys. I am sorry you have to join us here I hate when new moms have to come here. We are all here for you!! Huge Hugs!!
Heather
BFP#1 9/7/11 EDD 7/23/11 mc @21 weeks caused severe bladder obstruction on 3/14/12
BFP #2 9/9/12 EDD 7/19/13 started to mc @ 8w1d on 12/7/12 ended up with d&c 12/18/12, stopped developing @5w5ds
Unexplained IF
BFP#3 3/3/14 After 1st iui and clomid cycle
beta 1: 137 beta 2: 268
Beta 3:1248
****Hoping for a rainbow baby!!!****