TTC After a Loss

I'm fed up...with everything (whining inside)

First off, it's June. There's a phantom version of myself lurking around me, and she's about to give birth.

Second, work sucks. Pregnant coworker is 3rd tri now, and the replacement we hired to cover her mat leave just isn't quite up to scratch. Translation= I'll be doing all the work while she's gone, all while thinking I should be with MY baby right now!

Third, I just have this god-awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that pregnancy is a long, long way away for me. Maybe it's my health concerns (hopefully will be resolved tomorrow at dr appt). But in general it's just a gut feeling that I have a long, long way to go. I feel like every second of every day the universe is saying "It's not YOUR turn!"

Sorry about the whining, I just needed to get this off my chest. You ladies are the only people who understand who don't just tell me to "get over it". Thanks for listening and giving me a moment to say what's actually on my mind.

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Re: I'm fed up...with everything (whining inside)

  • kiki4kiki4 member

    I'm so sorry you are having a rough day. I think we all have that fear it isn't going to happen for us again - I know I do. When I get down about it, and start questioning "if" my DH will tell me, "not if, when".  Don't give up hope...and on the days it seems like it's too much, we'll be here to carry you through. ((hugs))

    BFP 1/19/12 No heartbeat at 7w4d 3rd dose Cytotec 3/1/12
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  • Sorry you are having a rough time. Good luck at your Dr. appt tomorrow, maybe a little good news will go a long way in how you are feeling right now. (((hugs)))

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    BFP #1 11/5/11 EDD 7/22/12 MC 11/14/11
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  • We all have days like this and they suck. Sending you some supportive ((hugs)).
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    BFP #1
    07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
    BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
    TTA for 7 months
    Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
    TTC Again May 2014
    Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles
    - All BFN's
    SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results

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    Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
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  • I am so sorry!! I hate days like these.  The best thing is there is tomorrow.  I hope everything go great at your doctors appointment tomorrow.  Let us know how it goes.
    BFP#1 02/19/12 missed mc 03/30/12 1st D&C 05/16/12 2nd D&C 08/17/12 
    BFP #2 06/26/13 EDD 2/26/14 Hoping for my rainbow baby!
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    I just wanted to offer hugs, I'm sorry you're having a rough time.  Wish we were having another gtg this month and I'd buy you a drink!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

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    Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!

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  • Big ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) to you. I'm so sorry. I hope your gut is wrong and that pregnancy is just around the corner for you. We're here for you whenever you need to vent. I hope the rest of June treats you kindly.
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    BFP#1: 9-13-11 EDD: 5-26-12 MMC: 11-4-11 D&C: 11-8-11
    BFP#2: 7-6-12 Elizabeth Faye ("Zuzu") born 3-21-13
  • theturthetur member

    I'm so sorry you're having a rough day.  And no need to apologize about the whining... we get those bouts too!  

    I hope tomorrow goes well!

    BFP#1: 12/15/11 EDD: 8/21/12 Missed miscarriage @ ~8.5 weeks. D+C: 1/19/12
    BFP#2: 07/04/12 EDD: 03/14/13
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  • ((Hugs)) I'm being haunted by my 37-weeks-pregnant self right now, and it really, really hurts. I feel ya there. I'm so sorry you'll be picking up your co-worker's slack while she's on maternity leave--doing exactly what you should be doing. It's so stinkin' unfair. 

    And I'm with PPs in hoping that your gut is wrong. I hope your health concerns are resolved right away--and that your BFP (and take-home baby!) are right around the corner. 

    It was a rough road, but Arlo Daniel was born April 1, 2013—and our second rainbow is due October 12, 2014.
  • Feeling the same way right now- I would be 33 weeks pregnant this week :( And I JUST posted about feeling the same way! I am having a REALLY rough day! I hope tomorrow is a better day and you get good results at your dr appt and that it's your turn soon! HUGS!
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
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    TTC #2 Since October 2011
    RE testing results: DH- normal ME- DX:PCOS and One copy of MTHFR gene
    IUI#1 Sept/Oct 2012-Follistim, Ovidrel, Metformin, Baby Asprin, Lovenox, Crinone, and Neevo Beta 10/24=BFN
    No 2nd IUI but instead TI with Metformin, Baby Asprin, Neevo and Prometrium
    BFP #4 5/4/13-EDD 1/19/14- grow little one, grow!
    Beta #1@15DPO HCG-95, progesterone-25 Beta #4@24DPO HCG-2498, progesterone-30, 1st U/S 6mm,133BPM 2nd U/S 1.6cm, 167 BPM
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  • sending you (((HUGS)))... sorry it's been a rough day.. i feel you on being pg in the way way future.. i too have had some lingering health issues.. i gotta take extra calcium supplements to help with fertility ..
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BFP 2# 7/5/09,EDD:3/26/10,MC:9/23/09. We Miss our Lucky Charm.
  • ((hugs)) I'm sorry your phantom self seems to be mocking you -- I know just how heartbreaking that can feel. There are moments when it's all but unbearable. Even though your gut is telling you that your rainbow baby is a long ways away, one thing this TTCAL journey has taught me is that my gut is not foolproof. In fact, my gut feeling has been completely wrong on more than one occasion, so try not to let yourself get too discouraged. I think you're making the right decision by going to see a doctor now, it's always best to be as proactive as possible with your health. I hope you get some useful information from the dr tomorrow! 
    BFP #1 1.2.12 EDD 9.15.12 :: mmc 2.22.12. / d&c 2.23.12 :: 2nd d&c 3.16.12

    "there is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

    BFP #2 2.27.13 EDD 11.8.13 Grow, baby, grow!

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  • Mmm79Mmm79 member

    I am so sorry.  Sometimes it does feel like the universe is rubbing it in a bit.

    Good luck at your appointment- hopefully your health issues are easily resolved and you are one step closer to your take-home baby.  It can be so hard when it feels like you are so far away from your goal, but remember that things can change on a dime.  Much like a lot of us never saw ourselves in our current situations, you do not know where you will be 6 months or a year from now.  ((Hugs))

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    BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
    BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 
    BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13






  • Left Hug((((hugs))))
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
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    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
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    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
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    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

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  • ct103ct103 member

    Ladies, I seriously cannot thank you enough for your kind words. You lot are SUCH an amazing beacon of light during such a dark time. I thought I knew how amazing you all are, but you have outdone yourselves on this one!

    Sorry I did a bit of a P&R, I went to the gym and blew off a little steam right after I posted. It helped!

    Not only did your words help, these wedding fail siggies have me in stitches! As soon as I find the perfect pic, I'll play along too! 

    Love you all! You just made a sad lady happy again! 

    ETA: I want to post an individual thank you to ALL of you, but I gotta eat some pizza now ;) 

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  • ct103ct103 member
    imagePetunia844:

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    I just wanted to offer hugs, I'm sorry you're having a rough time.  Wish we were having another gtg this month and I'd buy you a drink!

    Thank you so much for lurking and posting this! I've been stalking you and I am so, so happy for you.  Raylan is gonna be amazing (he already is).

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  • ct103ct103 member

    imageAdam2010:
    Feeling the same way right now- I would be 33 weeks pregnant this week :( And I JUST posted about feeling the same way! I am having a REALLY rough day! I hope tomorrow is a better day and you get good results at your dr appt and that it's your turn soon! HUGS!

    Hugs and love right back at ya. I'm so sorry! 

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  • ct103ct103 member

    imagesunsetlove:
    sending you (((HUGS)))... sorry it's been a rough day.. i feel you on being pg in the way way future.. i too have had some lingering health issues.. i gotta take extra calcium supplements to help with fertility ..

    Im sorry, I hope the calcium thing gets resolved soon! Thanks for your support. 

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  • I'm sorry sweetie.  My shoulder is always free to "lean" on and arms open for hugs.  This is the perfect place to voice your feelings.  Thinking of you!

    Lilypie - (dLe1)

     

          ***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.

           We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***

     Lilypie - (AW2u)
     

     Lilypie - (L84X)Lilypie - (D4Hj)

     

     

     

     

  •  That sucks about the replacement co-worker!  All I can offer is ((HUGS)).

    DD 9/2/13


  • imagepanacea05:

    And I'm with PPs in hoping that your gut is wrong. I hope your health concerns are resolved right away--and that your BFP (and take-home baby!) are right around the corner. 

    I 100% agree. Hopefully your apt. tomorrow goes well!

    BFP #1 4/11/11 - EDD 12/23/11 - m/c at 9 weeks BFP #2 11/18/11 - EDD 7/24/11 - m/c at 5 weeks Anniversary My Ovulation Chart
  • pkarenpkaren member
    Hugs! Whine all you need to, I think it's well deserved. And people IRL sometimes don't understand. I hope you get your help stuff figured out! GL at the Dr today!
    BFP #1: 12/26/11, EDD 09/05/12; m/c discovered: 02/22/12 @ 12w u/s,
    D&C: 03/08/12 Waited for AF for 146 long days!
    Hysteroscopy/D&C on July 10th to fix blocked cervix (DX: Cervical Stenosis)
    BFP #2 12/8/12, EDD 08/21/13 Our rainbow arrived 08/24/13!
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  • So sorry, CT!!  I'm with everyone else on hoping you get some answers and resolution to your health issues tomorrow.  I hope your take home baby and BFP are around the corner!!

    Many, many ((((hugs))))

    TTC #1 since November 2011
    ** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
    ** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
    NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29

    ***All AL always welcome***
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    So many hugs to you CT. I know all this weight makes life feel insurmountable right now, but you will get through it. 

    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
    <3 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13 <3
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