Need help with my 5 year old

stemms8810 · June 2012

My DH and I are struggling with our 5 year old DD. She has always been more of a challenging child behavior wise (she is high strung and very active) but since our LO has come it has gotten worse. I should also add that my DH is her step-dad. Her bio dad is in the picture but he doesn't see her as often as I think he should due to his work schedule.

DD has been refusing tasks, using bad language (a couple words), calling us names, kicking, hitting, pinching, whining, throwing herself on the floor, etc. Basically defiance. I know there have been a lot of changes for her lately but we are at our wits end with how to handle this. We have tried time-outs, praise, rewards, taking things away, spending quality time with her doing special things, etc....Nothing is working anymore.

I hate to say this but I feel like I can't completely enjoy our new LO because she is draining me emotionally with her behavior. She was an only child until recently so I know that has something to do with it too. She enjoys her little brother and hasn't shown any negative behaviors towards him (thank goodness). It's aimed at my DH and I. Ironically my job is a bahavior specialist but somehow I can't figure out how to handle my own child.

Anyone have experience with this or advice? I will try anything at this point to help her adjust and make our home more peaceful.

natasha.miller3 · June 2012

I'm sure you have since your a behavior specialist, but have you looked at the function of her behavior? My guess is its attention seeking since the addition of your LO brought on the behaviors.. but since I'm not there obviously I don't know for sure. I would suggest giving her special jobs to make her feel important (maybe its her job to always pick out LO's clothes, etc) on top of that I would set aside time, every hour or two, to do something with just her (you or your husband) it doesn't have to be long but just read a book, sing a song, give her a hug, have her help you prepare lunch/dinner etc. Good luck

winter-shock · June 2012

I don't really have any advice, so far my DD has adjusted well but she's younger. I know my SIL who had a baby a month before me has had a really hard time with her 4 year old son. He was the youngest and has been majorly acting out. It seems the longer they are the youngest the harder the transition! GL I hope it starts to turn around quick.

stemms8810 · June 2012

Thank you for the support. I am hoping it will pass quickly. We will try more special time with her or letting her help more with the baby. I should let her be more helpful with him now that I think about it. I am nervous about her touching him a lot because of germs (she needs frequent reminding for hand washing) and when she wants to hold him he is crying or needs to be fed so I have to postpone it.

I will make a point to let her hold him (with assistance of course) when he content and have her help me with non-baby related things.

livinreality · June 2012

Our DS1 is normally a great easing going child but was a hellian for the first month we had DS2... no advice really just wanted you to know you are not the only one.

One thing that worked for us was a tighter schedule with more activities for DS1, there wasn't as much time free for misbehavior... this is easy when DH is home and challenging when I am by myself with the two boys.

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