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September 2011 Moms
missbrightside10
member
One and done?
missbrightside10
member
I have always wanted 2 children. It was never a question in my mind that I was not going to have 2. Lately I am feeling more and more ok with being one and done. I am able to stay at home which is a huge blessing with just one and am not sure if we'd be able to swing it with 2 (unless my H keeps working like a horse, which I think will change soon). We have a nice home, cars, eat well, shop modestly, and can even take trips if we want. I worry with 2 that we'll just be scrimping to make our mortgage payment. There is no point to my post really, just getting some feelings out there. I know I'll probably change my mind and go back and forth but I don't think being one and done is such a bad thing anymore for us.
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Re: One and done?
Not sure about your finances, but it doesn't seem like the second child really costs that much more. The big ticket items are day care and college savings. As a SAHM, you skip the day care costs.
Do you plan on going back to work when your kid(s) are older? You could hold off saving for college until you go back to work.
This is a conversation in our home almost weekly. Dh wanted 4 and I always leaned toward 2 but we both feel like we might do 1 and done. Atleast with 1 I know I'll be able to provide for her... if we have more I can only do half as much for each. On the school note... all the Moms at work tell me Middle school is when yo don't want to work, activites, sports and there is plenty for the parents to get involved in too.
It's not an easy decision for any family but you have to do what works for you.
We are undecided also. I'd really like for my daughter to have a sibling, and that is my main motivation for wanting another, but I had a pretty traumatic birth experience that I'm not looking forward to repeating, and daycare costs are ridiculous where I live. We go back and forth also, and I've just decided we'll wait a couple of years before making a decision.
We're pretty sure we're going to be one and done.
A lot of what factors into this is that we want her to have every opportunity and I don't think that would be so easy with two kids. College is really expensive and will be even more so in 17 years.
I have one sister and I love her dearly but we weren't really close growing up. So I don't really feel terribly compelled to give her siblings.
Is it weird that I either want like 6 kids or just 1. I want a huge family or a small one.
If I had my rathers, we'd be trying again this fall, so keep that in mind when you read this.
Only kids have some adjusting to do as well - yes, you can concentrate on just one kid, and pour all your love and affection and money onto them. But then they do grow up where both of their parents are all about them, and only them. Then you have one child that becomes the absolute center of your universe.
I know not all only kids are like that. But i've seen it a lot.
I *just* had that conversation with my new neighbor! Her kids are 15, 13, and 10 and she said it's more important for her to be home now than when they were babies. Just this past year she went from 25 hours to 12, 3 mornings a week. That's something I never gave thought to!
This is exactly why I'm having more children. I'd be perfectly happy with just A. It would be great! But for A's sake, I don't want him to carry the burden of DH and I by himself when he's older. I want him to have siblings to help him bury us when we die, I don't want him to feel constant pressure to spend time with us because he's our only child, what if he moves away would we be devestated because we've put all our eggs in the Augie basket? It's going to be hard to have #2 but the payoff will come someday.
I dont know. I've never met an only child who was glad they never had siblings.
having said that, financially, it's pretty darn hard to keep up with 2... but it's possible and they're worth every penny.
My mom is an only child. My grandma wasn't able to have children of her own so they adopted her. My grandpa died when I was a baby and my grandma died when I was in college. I remember my mom telling us that when we do have children of our own to have more than one because going through the burden and pain "alone" was hard. I know many only children and I will say, most of them are pretty selfish and seem to not understand what it is like to share, if that makes sense?
I have a lot of fears as well. I love my parents but my childhood was really tough. They didn't parent each child differently, they tried to do it the same for all of us and it just didn't work well. I am also the middle child so I have middle child syndrome big time!
We haven't made any plans yet, I just feel like if I am not able to have more children I am ok with that. I do believe my H's awful work schedule has a lot to do with it. I don't want to raise 2 babies alone!
My DH travels a LOT, which is a major reason why #2 scares the crap out of me. If he didn't travel, I'd want to TTC this fall. But I just cannot handle 2 babies on my own! I definitely need to get A to an independant stage before TTC #2.
I know several only children and while they're all wonderful people (actually some of my favorite people) they have some "only child syndromes" that are obvious.
For example my dh's best friend is a great guy but if we're in a group of people and the conversation turns to something he's not interested in he gets annoyed. Visibly annoyed.
I'm worried about this but one part of me wonders that since I'm kind of hyper aware of it if we can avoid it.
Although, I think some it's kind of unavoidable to a point.
This is exactly what DH and I were talking about the other day. He says that we are selfish, but we can get anything we want for A, we have already started her college fund which grows every 2 weeks (direct withdrawl) and we are quite comfortable. We also don't want to have to live paycheck to paycheck and I think with 2 that might be what happens.
I keep going back and forth. DH and I haven't talked about it. I want at least two, possibly three. But I'm not sure of we can swing it financially. We would probably have to have me working. I would have to find a job that pays well enough to afford daycare for 2. I'm not sure that I can do that.
I don't want Smudge to be an only child. Almost everyone I know without siblings is either spoiled rotten, or just plain weird.
But on the other hand, I can't imagine having more.
I think if we do have another, it won't be for awhile.
We weren't even sure we wanted kids period, but said if we did and got a boy first we would try for a girl. However if we ended up with a girl first we would be one and done....we got our girl first. SO we were pretty certain we would be done anyway.
Then (while I was pregnant) shortly after we found out we were having a girl, they discovered she had a cleft lip. I think that sealed the deal for us. I love DD but it was so emotional dealing with the unknown, and thankfully we got lucky and hers was minimal, but she did have to have surgery at 3 months. I have zero desire to go through watching a baby in that kind of discomfit and pain again.
Cleft lip aside, DH and I feel confident in caring for, affording and giving a good life to 1 child. We can give her a nice car when she is old enough to drive, pay for college, give her a beautiful wedding, buy her nice clothes, take nice vacations and not have to penny pinch. Plus I am able to only work part time with my photography business and even that is just because I want to. With 2 kids I probably would need to work to be able to do the things we can do for DD. I do plan to go back to work at least part time at a regular job once DD is in school full time. Also DH is military and I can't imagine another child during deployments.
When people look at me horrified that I only want one child because only kids are "bratty and spoiled" I kindly inform them that 2 of my best friends were only children and they are two of the kindest, most caring, giving and thoughtful people I know.