- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
sld5711
member
Second Best
sld5711
member
So my MIL is forever making me feel like my pregnancy is second best to my husbands first wife's pregnancy. She is forever comparing things and just making comments that I feel are unnecessary and she would never want anyone to do that to her! I dont make comments on how awesome I think her ex husband's (my DH's father) new wife is but she always seems to go out of her way to make me feel like me and this baby are insignificant or that this baby will just not be as good as SD. I am sure alot of this has to do with my pregnancy hormones going crazy but I am just so tired of it and frustrated with it. I just want to be an excited FTM and not be constantly compared to someone else is that too much to ask? I am trying to play devils advocate and think of all the various reasons she might be doing this to me but its really just wearing on me and makes me want to avoid her at all cost. Has anyone had this happen to them too? And how did you resolve this issue because I am so scared I am going to explode on her soon : /. TIA for all your advice ladies!
BFP 11/23/11...CP 11/29/11
BFP 12/28/11...Natural MC 1/19/12
BFP 2/22/12...EDD 11/2/12 new EDD 10/28/2012
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Second Best
Can you share some of the comments she makes?
Without knowing what she's saying, it's hard to give advice. But I would suggest that if she's making comments that are thoughtless and a bit insensitive, it's totally different than if she's trying to be vicious.
I'd also add that my parents were hugely excited about my first child. And they were happy about my second, but there wasn't the fanfare, showers, etc. They love both my kids the same.
And also, there's nothing wrong with either asking YH to tactfully say something, or saying something to her yourself. If she doesn't realize it hurts you, maybe she'll stop. If she's just trying to be mean, then just stop spending time with her.
I do think alot of her comments are just thoughtless and insensitive and not really meant to be vicious but they are none the less just getting on my last nerve. Also I should have mentioned she has been making insensitive comments since before we even got married so I am not sure why I am shocked.
But just some examples when we first told her we were expecting instead of congratulations she said "are you sure you can afford a baby and what about SD?" Mind you that we a lot more financially stable then DH and XW were when they had SD and when XW got pregnant they were seriously talking about seperation and its not even confirmed that SD is his since she was cheating on him since before they even got married with various men but thats neither here nor there. Then H's sister was asking how I was feeling and I said great except for the heartburn and I made a joke that we were going to have one seriously hairy baby and of course MIL was like "Well when SD was born she had the most hair in the history of the hospital and XH never said anything about heartburn!" Why was that necessary I didnt ask for your commentary I was answering a question about how I was feeling and about this baby. She has also made numerous comments about my weight and how herself and XH didnt start showing this early. There have been other comments too but now I can only seem to focus on this past weekends events (sorry). I just feel like she is trying to make this seem insignificant because SD now comes from a "broken home" and even though we would never treat SD differently she feels like she has to overcompenstate for that.
I think I will talk to my H about it and if it still continues then I am just goign to distance myself from her and only see her on holidays and such. Right now I really dont have the energy to feel this way and I am not going to let her keep raining on my parade.
Thank you for your advice! Its greatly appreciated!
My MIL didn't even congratulate me when we told her we were expecting. She said something similar to what yours did, "But what abou SD?"
If I were you the next time she says something that rubs you wrong say something! Just a simple "I don't know if you realize but when you compare my pregnancy to ex-wife's it hurts my feelings." will let her know. If she continues after that then you know she's trying to be a b!tch, and you can distance yourself. Which has been completely necessary in my situation. Hopefully it won't be in yours!
Don't let anyone take your joy right now. NO ONE.
^^ All of this, especially the bolded. Pregnancy is hard enough as it is, without the insensitive comments of others. As PP said, if it bothers you then say something. Chances are she doesn't realize her comments are hurtful. And if the comments continue, remove yourself from the situation.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
My own DH was bad like that when I was pregnant with Z. He constantly compared my pregnancy to his ex's.
I told him straight up that I'm not Ex. I'm me. This is MY pregnancy and it does not need to be compared to anyone else's, because every pregnancy is different.
He only made one or two more thoughtless comments after that talk - both times which I reminded him I didn't like to be compared to her. But he truly didn't think that what he was doing was wrong or hurtful. All he knew was how his ex was when pregnant with his oldest, so that was all he had to go off of. Once I told him how much it hurt to be compared, he changed his tune for me.
Thank you all for your advice. My husband and I are taking a long weekend trip this weekend and we are going to talk about his moms behavoir and how it needs to stop. Again thank you so much! I am so glad I am not alone in this experience.