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holidays at the NICU suck
just needed to throw that out there. after a couple hours with my family saying "he's doing great!" when i mentioned i missed him i am very drained...sometimes i am just done with pretending that i am okay with this and being grateful that he isn't sicker. sometimes i just need to cry about it and say it sucks and have someone agree.
just needed to get that out somewhere where people would know what i was feeling.
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Re: holidays at the NICU suck
Mothers day was difficult for me, and seeing friends healthy babies just a few months older out at 4th of July about killed me. I can only imagine Thanksgiving and the holidays after are horrid. I'm so sorry.
Please give yourself a good cry, its okay and you deserve it.
((hugs))
Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07
www.4wquestions.blogspot.com
Yes, holidays in the NICU do suck. They suck big hairy ones. My guys were in the NICU last Thanksgiving, and we had one baby home for Christmas. The holidays last year were HORRIBLE for us. All of our family insisted on doing family things, and all we wanted to do was sit by our sons in the hospital. Sitting through Thanksgiving dinner at the ILs, then having everybody at our house on Christmas was just awful. Everybody kept saying crap like "you have so much to be thankful for!" Um just what were we supposed to be thankful for? That we had a 2 lb and a 3lb baby in the hospital? What the hell is good about that?
Hang in there, sweetie. I know this is hard. It is too hard. Impossibly hard. You have to allow yourself to cry. You're going to fall apart if you don't.
I'm sorry, babe.
We only had Father's Day there and fortunately the NICU hosted a pro photographer to take pictures which was just enough to recognized the day. I can't imagine one of the big holidays there.
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I can really relate to you. My two were born October 28th last year and came home Feburary 1st so we spent all of the holidays in the NICU. All I wanted to do was be with them. I still remember my phone ringing christmas night and it was their nurse. I was terrified as to why she was calling, but she just wanted to tell me that she gave DD a bottle and she took the whole thing for the first time. I was beyond happy, but at the same time sad because I would have been there at that time had it not been Christmas night.
It is also really rough when people keep telling you to be happy with how well they are doing. You are happy and grateful, but that doesn't mean that its not hard and that your heart doesn't ache because you aren't able to have them home with you. I completely understand how you feel and all I can say is that this year is soooo much better than last.
I'm sorry. I can't even imagine. I was still in the hospital myself (and of course DS was in the NICU) for the 4th of July (we watched fireworks with my nurse from the hospital room), my 30th birthday and DH's birthday. That was sucky but I would find it a lot harder to be in your situation on Thanksgiving and Christmas, which are holidays that emphasize family.
Your family means well, wanting you to focus on the positive, but you have every right to be frustrated and vent. I still feel like no one ever let's me just "be sad," which is something I feel like I need sometimes.
((BIG HUGS))