WWYD re: guest list

bundgaard19 · May 2012

Hi - I am relatively new here and have a question about whether or not I should invite some people to my baby shower, and I really hope I don't get flamed for this. I want to do what's "right." There are a few women that I used to work with when I was in college (about 7 years ago) and they were like my "other mothers." After I graduated I moved back to where I grew up and I don't keep in touch with them very much except for emailing back and forth a couple of times a year. They were all invited to my wedding and 2 out of 3 of them came. I really don't want them to think that I am being "gift grabby" because I don't see/talk to them very often, but my mother thinks that they would be hurt if they weren't invited. I would absolutely LOVE to see them, and couldn't care less if they brought a gift or not. Is there any way to tactfully let them know that their presence is all I really want, and should I even invite them at all? TIA

PunkyBooster · May 2012

I would invite them!

dufferoo · May 2012

I probably wouldn't invite them, but I'm more a fan of intimate showers with only your close friends and family. I think you need to decide whether to invite them or not, and if so, not bother mentioning anything about a gift. I mean, you know that they are going to feel obligated to bring a gift regardless of what you say ahead of time. Think about whether they would be likely to think you are being gift-grabby, and if so, don't invite them.

rhubarb123 · May 2012

What is your mother basing her opinion on (that they would be hurt if not invited)? Does she personally know them? How long ago did you last see them? You only email them a couple of times a year? NO...I would not invite them to the shower. Since you are emailing them they must know you are expecting. If they want to they can send a gift and a card. Showers are for people you are close to. I didn't even invite RELATIVES that I hadn't seen more than twice a year...so to invite "friends" you have ONLY emailed twice in a year is really stretching. IMO

kacelle · May 2012

I'd invite them.

KarmB · May 2012

If you looked back in two years at your shower photos, would you think I wish so and so was there?

Invite them if youll regret it.

jeffsjayme · May 2012

I wouldn't invite them. But I would send them an email or a birth announcement when LO is here to let them know. Showers are really for gifts and to invite them is pretty much asking for a gift. If you really want to see them, arrange a lunch together.

eav2c · May 2012

KarmB:
If you looked back in two years at your shower photos, would you think I wish so and so was there?

Invite them if youll regret it.

I am with this sentiment. If you think it'll be a regret, go for it. Im sure they'd appreciate the gesture and you sound to really care for them, despite the distance and years, so it wouldn't hurt.

Cranang · May 2012

I think it would seem gift-grabby. I know that's not what you're being, but if I emailed someone twice a year, and I got a shower invite from them? I'd probably side-eye it. I know you were very close, and like a PP said, they must know that you're expecting. They'll probably send you a gift. But I don't really buy into the excuses I see of "oh, I want to make sure they're included." I've never known anyone who was really offended that they didn't get a shower invite (unless it's immediate family, etc) I'd send a birth announcement and skip the shower invite.

EastCoastBride · May 2012

rhubarb123:
What is your mother basing her opinion on (that they would be hurt if not invited)? Does she personally know them? How long ago did you last see them? You only email them a couple of times a year? NO...I would not invite them to the shower. Since you are emailing them they must know you are expecting. If they want to they can send a gift and a card. Showers are for people you are close to. I didn't even invite RELATIVES that I hadn't seen more than twice a year...so to invite "friends" you have ONLY emailed twice in a year is really stretching. IMO

This . Plus, it's a shower, NOT a wedding. Two VERY different levels of events.

If you're not close enough to ever see these women except for at "big life events", then you aren't that close. A wedding is one thing, though, while a shower isn't.

As it IS a gift giving event, it's meant for people you are CLOSE to. Not people you email a couple times a year and pretty much NEVER see.

EastCoastBride · May 2012

Cranang:
But I don't really buy into the excuses I see of "oh, I want to make sure they're included." I've never known anyone who was really offended that they didn't get a shower invite (unless it's immediate family, etc) I'd send a birth announcement and skip the shower invite.

This is what I was going to say too- most mature, rational, grown women aren't "hurt" at not being invited to a shower, especially one that they feasibly can't get to easily. This is what I mean about it not being a wedding. Yes, a wedding is a HUGE event and I can see people being sad at not being invited.

But a shower simply is NOT the same thing. not even clsoe. It's not an event to "include" people in- because of that fact that to invite someone IS to ask them for a gift.

Liz4444 · May 2012

Listen to ECB, she is always wise!

storybooklove · May 2012

I would invite them. I had ppl like this and they were invited to my shower one came one sent a gift and one did nothing. Invite them or you will over think it.

aaimee · June 2012

I'd invite them

WWYD re: guest list

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