Community› The Bump Message Boards› Baby Showers
Baby Showers
New Discussion

Are you ever *obligated* to give a shower?

HungryRunner76HungryRunner76 member
in Baby Showers

Just curious if you can think of any reasons why someone would be obligated to throw a shower and/or if you've personally ever felt obligated to give one. 

I'm in a situation where the mom-to-be is supposedly very upset at DH and me for not offering to host a shower.  (I'd rather not post the specifics on here since I know a few mutual friends that lurk on these boards from time to time). 

Off BC since January 2012/TTC #1 since April 2012
October 2013 IUI #1 - 5mg femara + Ovidrel = BFN
November 2013 IUI #2 - 5mg femara + Gonal-F + Ovidrel + Crinone = 12/16/13 FIRST EVER BFP!!!  DD Blaire Noelle 8/26/14
Surprise!  2 under 2 is happening!  Due 12/5/15 (updated)

Report Reply to Post

Re: Are you ever *obligated* to give a shower?

  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    No, no one is obligated.  If she threw one for you and is now expecting that you throw one for her, it wouldn't surprise me if she's upset that you aren't doing it.  Even so, she should suck it up because there is no obligation.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Gismo123Gismo123 member
    I find it REALLY rude that your friend expects you to throw her a shower. Like PP say a shower is a gift and it's tacky for someone to feel like they are entitled to one. If she brings it up again I would call her out on her tackyness.
    Report Reply
  • Aleja0918Aleja0918
    imagediscobelle:

    No one is obligated.  Is someone has the means and desire to throw one, they'll offer.

    The mom-to-be is in the wrong here, not you and your husband. 

    This. She has no reason to be upset.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • jeffsjaymejeffsjayme

    I can see feeling really, really, really obligated if it was your sister or someone that has thrown you showers, but technically, you aren't really obligated.  Or if you've made a verbal commitment at one point to do so.

    But I can see that close friends/family would have a feeling of obligation if the mindset is "you scratch my back, I'l scratch yours" kind of relationship.

    You're never legally required or anything, but social pressure may make it feel that way.

    Report Reply
  • HungryRunner76HungryRunner76 member

    Thanks, ladies - that was our line of thought as well so I was thrown a bit off guard when I heard she was upset.  Just to clarify, she did not throw me a shower (I'm not a mama yet) nor have I verbally ever said I would.  We actually threw a mutual friend a shower and I told her I probably wouldn't do one again (the hostess was great - it was just a lot more time/planning involved than I thought).

    Again, thanks!

    ETA: clarification

    Off BC since January 2012/TTC #1 since April 2012
    October 2013 IUI #1 - 5mg femara + Ovidrel = BFN
    November 2013 IUI #2 - 5mg femara + Gonal-F + Ovidrel + Crinone = 12/16/13 FIRST EVER BFP!!!  DD Blaire Noelle 8/26/14
    Surprise!  2 under 2 is happening!  Due 12/5/15 (updated)

    Report Reply
  • FemShepFemShep member

    You are never obligated to give a shower.  Ever.

    In the absence of details, I will side-eye MTB as an entitled brat. 

    Report Reply
  • jlh2716jlh2716 member
    Nope. A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. The mom-to-be needs to get over herself!
    Report Reply
  • lovebug33lovebug33 member

    No. I have two friends who I threw showers for and then they told me they couldn't throw mine because they don't have the money and are going through unemployment issues. I was very happy that the thought about offering if they had the money, but totally understand why they couldn't do it. I think your friend is being rude.

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image image
    Report Reply
  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member
    imagejeffsjayme:

    I can see feeling really, really, really obligated if it was your sister or someone that has thrown you showers, but technically, you aren't really obligated.  Or if you've made a verbal commitment at one point to do so.

    But I can see that close friends/family would have a feeling of obligation if the mindset is "you scratch my back, I'l scratch yours" kind of relationship.

    You're never legally required or anything, but social pressure may make it feel that way.

    I agree with this.  Although it is not obligation but if someone threw a bridal shower for me and a wedding shower for me I would feel really crummy if I didn't throw a shower for that person (even if I had to do it as a "helper" with someone else).  I would hope someone would feel the same toward myself.  IMO "actions speak louder than words". 

    Report Reply
  • LittleLocksLittleLocks member

    Like others have said... Unless you two are extremely close and she's the one who threw your shower(s), I wouldn't worry about it. Also, you said "supposedly" so it doesn't sound like she personally said something. Where did you hear that she's even upset? Is it a trustworthy source? Maybe it's all over nothing?
    But in the case that she is upset...
    Of course you're still not obliguated!! Maybe she just assumed someone would have the shower and since nobody is, she's upset in general? I'd say it's not personal(but I dont know details). I'm not making any excuses, of course.. but you know how us pregnant people can get easily upset sometimes and a little bit (or a lot) irrational.

    No matter what the situation.. I'd shake it off and move on. I'm sure if you were super close, available time and space wise to arrange + host a party, and financially able to just spending money on whoever "wanted" something from you... you would have offered in a heartbeat! lol

    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerPregnancy Ticker

     

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"