would love to hear other's experiences/feelings

always4278 · May 2012

So this is NBR even though it will definitely affect her life. My ex boyfriend and I (who is her dad) are considering trying to work through our issues and giving our relationship another shot. We had been together six and half years and separated just three months ago. This past year was an extremely stressful one for us in every aspect and it just collapsed our relationship which had already been rocky for quite awhile. We both know we can't rush into things and have a lot of issues to work out if we decide to take that route. We've discussed maybe working with couple's counselor and reading some different relationship books. I guess I was just hoping maybe some of you had some success stories of things actually working out in the end. I feel pretty unsure of whether we should even attempt to work on things. Any thoughts or advice or stories would be appreciated. Also I know every situation is different, ect. It'd just be nice to know if any one has actually managed to hit rock bottom in their relationship and still get things back on a good track. Thanks for reading!

FrickandFrack · May 2012

I think that sounds like a wonderful plan to work through your issues with a counselor. Good luck with everything.

always4278 · May 2012

Thanks!

MandaPanda518 · May 2012

My situation was different, as me and my DH went to couples counseling pre-marriage and pre-baby, but it was the best thing that we could do for our relationship. We were able to learn how each of us communicates, and how to better communicate with each other. That created the solid foundation for our relationship.

The short of it is, could it hurt trying counseling? Probably not. If anything it might make your decision to reconcile or not even easier.

ETA: Clarity and grammar

ASmallWonder · May 2012

I think that it's definitely worth a shot. Relationships are hard and having a baby is hard and lots of people struggle so a counselor is a good idea. GL!

[Deleted User] · May 2012

I think that's a great plan. If you can't regain your romantic relationship, at least you can work on your relationship enough to deal with each other well. Since you have a kiddo, you will be part of each other's lives always. Best of luck!

always4278 · May 2012

Thanks for sharing everyone. I think what we really need is hep with the foundation part of things. Our relationship has always struggled when life isn't fun... and unfortunately that's a significant part of the time lol.

judahsmommy1 · May 2012

My DH and I hit a rough spot that nearly led to separation/divorce right after I got pregnant with my DS. I won't go into details because they aren't important. We decided to do our best to work through it. Things aren't perfect now, and I'm dealing with something that I think is somewhat similar to PTSD from my experiences from that time, but they are much better and I am now confident that our relationship will last. I think only you can make the decision of if it's worth working out. I will say that the process of working things out can be hell. If you do decide to, I definitely encourage working with a counselor. Whatever led to the deterioration of a long term relationship is not going to be a clean and easy process to work through. I do think, however, that in the long run, it was worth it for us. Good luck in making your decision. If you have any more specific questions, feel free to PM. This is about as detailed as I am comfortable sharing on a public message board.

pepomntpat · May 2012

sofamonkey:
I think that's a great plan. If you can't regain your romantic relationship, at least you can work on your relationship enough to deal with each other well. Since you have a kiddo, you will be part of each other's lives always. Best of luck!

I agree. Even if your relationship doesn't work out counseling can't hurt a thing. I wouldn't try to reconcile without it. Something caused you to break up and unless you deal with that issue it will never work.

DH and I are in counseling. We have had a very rough year and it is helping a lot.

hopecounts · May 2012

I agree with everyone else counseling can only improve your relationship. As a couple or as co-parents to your LO.

My parents divorced and the worst part was they had a horrible co-parenting relationship which led to me being put in the middle of situations that I shouldn't have been. A little counseling couldn't have saved their marriage but it might have made the divorce easier for me and them.

shuaytos · May 2012

My boss and his wife have been seeing someone for about six months now and it's been amazing for both of them. She is a therapist so she was totally into the process but I didn't hold out much hope for him but it's been really amazing. They are in a really good place but continue to go because it's really comforting for them to have someone to bounch stuff off of. They don't expect things to be perfect but they work hard each day and when issues come up they deal with them. Good luck to you! I hope it works out, it sounds like you two both want to work things out so it's a really good place to start.

Luckie519 · May 2012

DH and I hit a rough patch when DS was first born. The crap really hit the fan when DH was almost 5 months old. I won't go into details, because it's not important, but he was texting and having inappropriate conversations with a friend of ours.

I asked him to leave for a few days. He really did not want to, but I also really gave him no choice. We also did counseling. We went twice a month for about 6 months. There were some parts of it that really helped us, but some other parts we felt were corny. We would laugh about it afterwards.

I think the counseling really helped us both understand each other. Things are not perfect now by any means, but things are better. I would say we have come a long way since then.

We still have some communication issues that drive me nuts, but no relationship is every going to be perfect.

I think the route you are taking is a good one. Good luck to you.

ksyknelvr73 · May 2012

I think your plan is a great one, counseling is definitely a great route to go. It can't hurt, that's for sure.

DH and I had a horrible first year of marriage. We got married under fire (in the middle of family drama) and that affected things, on top of us not knowing how to communicate or fight. We went through a lot and were on the verge of divorce. I even went back and stayed with my parents and we actually contacted lawyers, separated bank accounts, etc. We were definitely in the process.

That being said, we went to counseling...DH actually went by himself (as he felt he needed individual AND couples counseling) and then also with me. It saved our marriage. Of course we had to take initiative outside of just counseling, but we really managed to bounce back within about 6 months. Our relationship was stronger than ever before DS was born and we hit some more hard times again, but we are working back through our issues again.

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would love to hear other's experiences/feelings

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