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Blended Families
Planning on being a single mom... Now what?
I just found out 2 weeks ago I was pregnant. Went in for my ultra sound today and tomorrow I will be at 7 weeks. Getting to see my baby's rapid little heart beat was the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. But this is not a pregnancy that I had planned. I'm 18 years old, turning 19 in a few months, just finished my first year of college, and the father is, ultimately, an ass. He's went from telling me to have an abortion, to that he won't be there for the kid, to that now I have to move in with him, and we have to try to make this work for the kid. But i'm not necessarily one to give into society's bull crap. I don't believe that it's better to raise a kid with both the parents in one home if the home is a broken one. So I'm planning on just being a single mom, because he doesn't really know what he wants anyways. One day he'll try to act like we don't even know if it's his, the next he doesn't care either way, then a minute later "this is his kid and he gets a HUGE say in what i do".
But the whole time, I have stood my ground. Made is sound like I'm far more confident about the situation than I am. I want my kid to know her father, it's not that I don't ever want him around, but I just feel like him being around would only be far more stress than good at this time. But still, I feel like i should have help with child support. Which he says is ridiculous, that if I'm so confident on doing this on my own then i shouldn't need his money. Well the problem is that I can do it alone, it will be hard, but I can do it, only I can't do it without child support. A baby is so expensive, and I am already in $11,000 debt from this last year of college. Now I'm taking some time off, trying to find an apartment, working at applebees. I just can't do it financially all alone.
Is it wrong for me to expect him to help me with child support, when I don't want to move in with him to raise this baby. Am I just being selfish? I just want whats best for baby, and that is just so hard to know.
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Re: Planning on being a single mom... Now what?
Your not selfish..he is just trying to guilt trip you into him not paying child support. Do NOT fall for it. You are 100 percent in the right.
You are 100% right here!!
He is obligated to support his child, you are NOT obligated to live with him or have any relationship with him.
I would apply for WIC and food stamps now so you can make sure you are getting proper nutrition during your pregnancy.
You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders and are really trying to do what's best for your baby. Major kudos to you.
NO.
He is wrong. You are right. There is no grey area here. I am paying child support for my first son because he lives with his father and his dad's girlfriend. And I only work part time.
It drains me, but I need to pay it. My husband (He won't sign the divorce papers) even works with me on months that I can't work out enough of what they want.
If you want to be a single mom that is fine. A lot of people that have babies young do that. And if you don't think he will be a good dad right now, that is fine. You do not HAVE to live with him, but you WILL have to file for child support if you want the state funded child health care (In some states). It normally takes around a year or so for child support to hit people if they aren't doing it willingly and then his checks will just be garnished and you will get the money in a check or card form in the mail. So he will have NO choice but to pay it.
Keep us posted though. Would love to hear how you are doing and what not. We are all rooting for you and your little one.
Obviously you are entitled to CS whether he lives down the street or two countries away.
On the other hand you are walking in to a 18+ year commitment with someone who says they don't want to participate from the absolute beginning. I think you really really need to do some soul searching on what is best for this child. There is absolutely a chance BD will change and be a great father but there also is a chance he won't and every child deserves two parents (whether they stay together or not) who love him.
Would you consider either counseling for you and BD to prepare you for the next step or would you be open to adoption?
My sister got pregnant at 19 and the baby daddy was all sorts of confusing to her through the pregnancy. They officially broke up when she was 7 months and he wasn't there for the birth and only saw his daughter twice. He doesn't pay child support because we don't know where he is. She lives with my parents and I (I stayed home to help with the baby) and had to drop out of school. I don't think she would have been able to go to school even if he did pay child support.
I would pursue child support. Children are extremely expensive. But he already seems so flaky that I wouldn't rely on the child support coming on time, or even at all. You should probably also look into government assistance like WIC.
I agree with the poster who suggested counseling! Does your college offer it affordably? I'd get it for yourself and invite BD to be involved if he really wants to work toward a healthy relationship for the sake of your child.
Then I would get an appointment with an attorney, find out how much you will need for a retainer and start saving. That way if BD flips out at any point you are prepared.
I also hope you'll stay in school. I know it's going to be hard, but there are a lot of grants to help you financially and it will do wonders for you in terms of your self-esteem, earning power later, etc...
Wishing you so much luck. It's always hard to know what to do. Trust yourself. You're not wrong here.