F/U to Meeting their Needs
Count Choculitis
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Thank you for all those ladies who responded with encouragement and kind words to my posting the other day about not being able to respond to my twin boys' cries at the same time. I felt so down and inept and guilty. I kept thinking about the damage being caused in their little brains by my forcing them to wait to be consoled while I tend to their brother.
Things are better now that I've started some type of feeding/sleeping schedule for them. Yesterday I could even call a "good day." Today, though, both boys seem endlessly fussy and they're off-schedule.
I put them down to sleep in their Rock n' Plays about 20 minutes ago, and after some more screaming they finally drifted off to sleep. But I keep wondering about my newfound hard-nosed approach of letting them cry for a bit. It's not the "Cry it Out" method, per se, because if they don't stop I go in their every five minutes and try something new to sooth them - and talk to them and cuddle them. But is what I'm doing ideal? Or is it just as bad as the cry it out method?
Re: F/U to Meeting their Needs
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My twins are 9 months old and still fuss and cry a bit when they get put down for naps and bed. They always have, just their way of expending that extra energy that shows up one little ones are tired. But really now, it's actually a little worse for me because they know what's coming when we start the long walk down the hallway (it's not really that long, but to them it is LOL) and as we approach their nursery they are already starting to cry. As soon as I put them in their cribs, they cry and stand up and try to get my attention. My rule of thumb is that each one gets an extra hug and then gets put back down in their crib. Which usually results in full on hystronics! But it only last a few minutes and I know they need to sleep. However, I also still set the timer for 15 minutes and if they are still crying (not just fussing or babbling to each other or themselves) then I go get them and we do something else.
And I'll be honest, we did CIO with DD at 3 months when we realized she was waking each and every night between 3-3:30 on the dot. It had become a habit that just needed to broken. On the 2nd night she slept straight through. DS had been STTN for about 2 weeks already so we figured she could make it too. And she did. I'm not a big believer in a lot of the AP philosophies either so take this as you will
There is a huge difference between letting a baby fuss a bit and full on CIO. Newborns can't self-soothe so letting them cry for extended periods doesn't teach them anything. However, I'm a firm believer that giving a baby a (very) few minutes to settle him/herself can help lay the foundation for self-soothing when the time comes for real sleep training. As long as you are responding to their cries, I don't think you are doing anything damaging.
I know people in the Dr. Sears camp would lead you to believe that any crying is bad but, it's just not realistic with multiples. It's intensely stressful to be changing one and the other one is screaming and you HAVE to finish the diaper change before you can soothe the other baby. I think that as long as you are generally responding to their needs, the most damage is being done to the mom (or dad, or other caretaker) who is trying to juggle two babies.
Etta Jane and Claire Elaine are here! Born March 28, 2012.
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Cloth diapering twins, Part II.