Seriously? Why would you ask that?
hfloistoocute
member
I just got back from my follow-up appointment after being in the ER on Sunday. My doctor did an ultrasound to make sure everything had passed. Thankfully it has. I'm still bleeding a bit and having some cramping. She said I was tender and sore, so she gave me an antibiotic for possible infection. They had mentioned something at the ER about infection, but I didn't get care at that point. I lost my baby and that was all I was focusing on.
I was dreading this appointment. When I first got there, I had to take care of my insurance information since it had changed since I had been there last. I took awhile at the receptionist desk filling out papers. When I sat down in the waiting room, there was this lady sitting across from me. She smiled at me. I tried to smile back, but didn't feel like it. Then she asked, "Did you just find out you're pregnant?" I just stopped and couldn't breathe for a second. Then I quietly answered, "No." I turned away and couldn't look at her. Maybe she just found out she is and was excited or maybe she thought this was my first visit and that's why I was filling out all the insurance paperwork? I don't care. That was horrible. Why would you ask that in an OB/GYN office? My mom goes there. I could have been there for a PAP. She had to ask that question to someone who had just suffered a very painful miscarriage. I just sat there frozen. I wanted to die. When the nurse called her in, I started crying. It was bad enough that I saw a bunch of happy pregnant women there and pictures of babies everywhere...but why did she have to ask me that today? The worst part about it is that tomorrow I would be 7 weeks, so that very likely could have been my first appointment and I could have very likely answered, "Yes"...if my baby was still inside me. Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to vent.
BFP#1 06/01/09~DS Born 01/29/10 via c/s
BFP#2 05/17/12~EDD 01/18/13~Natural M/C 05/27/12@6w2d
BFP#3 07/03/12~DD Born 03/08/13 via sched. c/s
BFP #4 10/03/13 EDD 06/09/14 SURPRISE!!! On our way to 2u2!
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC)...BF questions/concens welcome!
Re: Seriously? Why would you ask that?
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
I agree with letting her know how hurtful it was so she doesn't do it again. I've done that, in a nice way, on the whole trying to get pregnant.
When I was pg with our DS, we found out that both DH & I are carriers for CF. DS was born with CF & complications related to that, spent a month in the NICU, three surgeries, etc., so the question of are you going to have more was a very painful question.
I would always explain to people that it was a hurtful question and why, in the hopes that it stops them from asking someone else.
Now, with this loss, we have yet another reason to avoid this question like the plague.
In the end, I think people just don't realize...like my SIL who asked the day after we lost this one, are you gonna try again? Really? I'm STILL in the process of losing this one! ARGH.
Yeah I always think about what I should have said later in different situations, but in this case I just wanted the conversation to be over. I could barely get the "No" out.
BFP#1 06/01/09~DS Born 01/29/10 via c/s
BFP#2 05/17/12~EDD 01/18/13~Natural M/C 05/27/12@6w2d
BFP#3 07/03/12~DD Born 03/08/13 via sched. c/s
BFP #4 10/03/13 EDD 06/09/14 SURPRISE!!! On our way to 2u2!
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC)...BF questions/concens welcome!
I know what you mean. It's easy for me to say that now, but in the situation it's a lot harder when you're just hit by the wave of emotion.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks
RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
Elevated Alpha 2-glycoprotein IgA and antiphosphatidylserine IgM -->
Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!
Dx: LPD
Cycle #1(08/2012): Clomid 50 mg CD3-7, Ovidrel CD13 + Progesterone = It worked!
BFP #5 on 09/10/12 (11 DPO). HCG #1 @ 14DPO = 131.6 HCG #2 @ 16DPO = 509
EDD: 05/23/2013
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
I can completely relate. There have been so many times where I was just caught off guard and could only mumble out a stupid reply. It irks me that THEY are the ones asking a stupid question and yet WE are the ones left feeling hurt!
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
Dx PCOS (June 2006, re-confirmed March 2012), Anemia (May 2010-Still fighting to correct it), Fibromyalgia (May 2011)
Initial b/w - normal
HSG (March 2012) revealed right tube open and looking great. Left tube deformed with hydrosalpinx.
Lap (April 2012) Removal of left fallopian tube. Right tube open and viable, but "rather enlarged." NO evidence of endometriosis...Uterus looks beautiful and "very capable" of carrying a pregnancy!
October 2012 - Clomid 50mg + trigger + IUI = BFN
With all factors taken into account, RE is recommending IVF. Planning on moving forward with treatment as a single woman using DS by Summer 2013.
After 17 months of trying, Surprise BFP #1 2.15.2008 | EDD 8.7.2008 | Lost 2.16.2008
After 2 more years of trying, Surprise BFP #2 1.29.2012 | EDD 9.11.2012 | Lost 1.29.2012
Surprise BFP #3 3.27.2012 | EDD 12/2/2012 | Lost 4.1.2012
My Blog Pinterest
I feel this way a LOT. Too much. I've nearly bitten many a hole in my tongue at the stupid sh!t people say to me.
If my RE calls my natural early miscarriage a "period" one more time, I'm popping her.
I'm sorry people are douches. It just sucks.
TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
So lost.