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2nd Trimester
Second Time Moms... Shower or No?
We are having another girl, DD is 26 mo. I really would prefer to not have a shower, but my MIL asked me about it, and I said no thank you, but thank you for thinking of me.
I just feel like it's a bit much, considering we had 2 beautiful, lovely showers just 2 yrs ago, and we have pretty much everything we need. I hope I didn't offend her, but I just feel like it would be way over the top as far as expectations of friends and gifts. I also told some girlfriends when they offered/asked that I would love to just go get a group of girls to get manis/pedis to celebrate, no gifts, but thanks for the offer.
Is it common to have a shower for the 2nd?
Chemical Pregnancy 5.2011. BFP 9.2011 MC @ 8.5w D&C 11.4.2011 sweet pea is always in our hearts.
BFP 3.23.2012! Our baby turkey is due 11.22.2012!
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Re: Second Time Moms... Shower or No?
Are you new here? These posts never end well.
It's not done in my circle but it is common in some areas. Since you are uncomfortable with the idea, I'm assuming it is not common for your circle of friends and you should not do it. I think you did the right thing by suggesting a girls day instead of a shower.
?? Okay. I don't have friends with 2nd children really, other than one who's children are 5 yrs apart, in which case I can see why you would 'need' one. Just making sure I didn't offend my MIL, as I really don't hear of them very often.
JusT another idea for you. I am throwing a party for my sister, due any day, after the baby is born. It is more just a come meet baby during this time, so they are not overwhelmed with visitors. I will have some refreshments, but otherwise no real structure, just come & go. I'm sure some people will bring a small gift, but they would probably do that anyhow.
In my circle of friends, we honor and clebrate every baby, regardless of the baby's sex, or how old the siblings are. I have attended multiple showers for #2 babies in the last year, and will be going to several more this summer.
That being said, no one has asked me yet if I want one. I'd love to do something small, but it won't be a big deal for me if no one offers.
For large age spans, I think it is more common - I know that I'm being given a shower for our #2, but it will have been 9 1/2 years since the last shower and 9 years since the birth of our #1.
Well as PP have said its really frowned upon here on the bump.
But with My circle of friends we celebrate every child regardless of sex or age gap between LO's. My BFF is actually throwing me a small get together of just our girlfriends in August. There will be maybe 10 of us including myself. But again, this is just what are lil circle of friends does for each other, as we all feel each child should be celebrated.
I'm just gonna grab some popcorn and wait for this to blow...
Your MIL is probably fine, I can't think of a reason why someone would be offended by a "thank you, but no thank you". I think it's great that you realize you are prepared already, and people will undoubtedly bring something to welcome this baby anyway. I never visit a new baby without an outfit or some diapers.
I am not planning on having one. we were team green for DS and are again this time so I have all the big stuff that can be reused. I know that people will "shower" me with clothes once the baby is born...people just can't resist, but since I am team green there is no reason to collect a bunch of green and yellow outfits again. I have some things to get us started with this baby from DS who was Dec, this baby will be october, but we will figure it out.
I agree that every baby should be celebrated but I am in the no official shower for the 2nd kid camp, unless it is twins(after a singleton), or there has been a large age gap so you have nothing
Thanks all. Didn't mean to beat a dead horse, but I don't spend alot of time on here these days between working full time, chasing a 2 yr old, and overall having alot going on. I am aware this has been asked before, but am too tired to go through every thread searching. Plus my main question was regarding the fact that we're having 2 girls, and they will be 2.5 yrs apart.
I completely understand a shower if your kids are 4+ yrs apart, and you have different genders. I understand a shower if your kids are 2 yrs apart for that matter. I just know that in our circle, showers tend to be quite expensive for the hostesses, not to mention time consuming, and my main concern is people's $ and time. Of course I will love a few gifts here and there, esp diapers and wipes. I am not shunning gifts or company, just don't want to put anyone out. Thanks for your responses!
I've seen them, and attended them, but, I don't think I'll want/need one for us this time around either. Even if we have a boy.
However, if someone offered, I'd suggest planning a small celebration vs. an actual "shower" - that way people won't feel obligated to bring gifts.
I follow the etiquette and I say no. Most likely my work will do one. They do one for everyone regardless. However I would not be offended if they didn't. My BFF was talking about doing a diaper party, which is pretty popular around us for second babies. Baisically a big party where everyone gets drunk but they bring a pack of diapers with them
We had both kinda said we would do that for eachother with our second babies. If she doesn't though no big deal.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I always thought 2nd showers were reserved for remarriages or large age gaps. Like my cousin who has a 13 year old or my cousin who just got remarried. I could see if either of them got pregnant, having another shower.
I feel like it's rude to expect people to give you more stuff, especially given that you are having another girl and your older child is only 2. I could see doing a "sprinkle" if your friends insisted, but that's about it.
My friend is throwing me a shower- I didn't really want to go through with it at first because I had read so many catty remarks on this board.
The reason she is throwing it is because my other children are 8 & 13, so we have given absolutely everything away. She also found out that I never had a baby shower for either of my other children, so felt it needed to be done. It is going to be a small affair with some of the other moms from school- everyone is very excited about the baby (most of them are over 40 and long done with having children) and really excited for the party. Honestly, I think they are more excited that I am, but I think it is impossibly sweet of everyone to think of it
So, if you are uncomfortable, don't do it. Or have a small party with family- a BBQ or something.
Why not let her host a welcome baby brunch after the baby arrives? You can invite friends and family and it wouldn't be gift-grabby at all. Plus your MIL still gets to host something.
Otherwise, I think showers for kids < 3 years apart are tacky.
...baby #3 is here...
What if the 2nd child is a different sex? That seems reasonable to me to have another shower. I understand there is no need if you have everything you need though.
I see no harm in celebrating every baby born with family or close friends showers. Downsizing a bit. I actually think it is important because the child gets feelings from the mom.
I think you guys are kind of overreacting to this post. Who cares if someone wants to throw her a 2nd shower! "It's frowned upon on TheBump" what is this place? The moral police? Jeesh. So a MIL wants to celebrate her grandchild, let her do it! If you don't want to go or give gifts then decline but having all these silly opinions about it is kind of obnoxious!
Not just frowned upon on TN - IRL my friends and I think it's greedy. Still if I got an invite for a second shower I'd show up to celebrate the baby, but I'd be a little miffed at feeling obligated to buy another present. I think it just comes off as greedy and even if the MIL wanted to do it, I would direct my side-eye unluckily not at the host of the shower, but the mom-to-be.
It's better to decline and host a celebration for the baby after. Every baby should be celebrated, but the shower was for the parents-to-be more than the baby. Even if someone gets rid of everything between kids that are only a few years apart, most everyone I know doesn't expect another shower (unless years and years have gone by).
...baby #3 is here...
I just made a list of things I need for this baby (besides boy clothes if its a boy, and in that case my SIL offered me all of my nephews stash and then my overzealous Nanas will surely fill in gaps). I listed two new sheets, a new box of breast pads, a swaddler, and my guilty pleasure-Aden and Anais blankets. Hardly requires a shower. Do what you are comfortable with.
On a side note, I don't really see a shower as a celebration of the baby. I see it as a party to give parents help on preparations. There are plenty of ways to show love and celebrate a new baby that doesn't require bringing a gift to a party.