Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: anyone else not excited for VBAC?
I'm terrified too. But, I would also be dreading my c-section date. I'm scared of the pain of surgery and of the pain of labor.
I think the first time there's the ignorance about how painful contractions are going to be. This time, we know what we're getting in to.
All I can say is, that I can't stay pregnant forever, because I am truly miserable right now and will probably drive DH crazy. So, I'm hoping that in the next few weeks I will welcome the pain of contractions,
When I was pregnant with DD, I had absolutely no fear or nervousness about child birth, full intentions for a med free birth. When my obgyn told me to get to the hospital, and get there now, I was as calm as could be. He broke my water, things began to hurt, I still didn't mind. He regretably informed me I need a csection, didn't care, baby would be here soon.
Csection went horribly wrong.... I truly want to vbac, and I am a really good candidate (baby was breech, I was not in labor, fully effaced, almost 6 cm, and station 0...., at 39 weeks, next baby may just fall out)
A few months ago, I got pregnant again. I was freaking out when I thought of labor. It was the unknown. I did have contractions with DD, but not many in "active labor." My csection hurt really bad, my recovery, while uneventful was awful.
I am scared of labor, I fear needing a csection unexpectedly.
I really want to experience child birth, and see that my body can do it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't scare me.
Yes, I was scared. I put on my mommy warrior face and no one really knew except for DH and my midwife. But a lot of things are scary about giving birth vaginally. But having a RCS scared me even more. So, that baby had to come out somehow, and for me the safer and "less scary" option was the VBAC.
I agree with pp that the second time around, your rose colored glasses aren't there anymore. You know what can happen. I knew what contractions were like because I did go into labor before my c/s. The only thing I didn't know about was pushing. But I knew that vaginal or c/s, it was going to hurt!
All I can say is that when the time actually comes, you won't be thinking about that stuff. It's game on, baby time and that is what your mind will be on.
All of this, especially the bolded part
Being scared is just part of the emotional process you go through when preparing for any type of birth (vaginal, c/s, RCS, VBAC). Fear is normal, and it doesn't mean you can't or won't have a successful VBAC. Hang in there!
~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~
VBAC Birth Story 2VBAC Birth Story
Read positive birth stories! Journal how you feel about them and after them. Visualize yourself having a healthy, positive vaginal birth. I would suggest Ina May' Guide to Childbirth, the bumpies' stories here: https://vbacbumpies.blogspot.com/p/birth-stories.html, googling "positive vbac birth stories," etc.
I have anxiety and was nervous I was going to "freak out" during my first birth. It ended in a cesarean (baby was a surprise breech), but trusting in my body through the process gave me strength and power throughout, and a HUGE sense of accomplishment after. You may not be able to control labor or the result but you do have a say over your own state of mind and having a positive attitude about what your body is made to do and your love for your baby.
I would also recommend exercises from Birthing from Within, especially one we did in my childbirth class about "caging the tiger." It's awesome at helping you identify what you're really afraid of.
Good luck!
I was nervous. So many unknowns, how will this turn out? can I do this? will my body work this time?
It's nerve-wracking. But it's normal and natural and you've got to just go with it.
You are not alone! This is me exactly, even down to having an emergency c-section with HELLP. I am scared of the unknown, of course, but also would be scared of another planned c-section.
I wouldn't say I am dreading it, but I am really nervous. I am a total planner and DS was a planned c/s, b/c he was breech. Plus, my c/s wasn't bad at all. I am a good VBAC candidate though and really want to have a shorter recovery time so I can be more hands on with DS as we introduce a brand-new family member to him. So, although, I have never been excited to push a baby out and still have nightmares about the 7th grade birth video they made us watch in health class, I think I am going to have to take this opportunity to simply "go with the flow".
Maybe it would help you to read a few VBAC success stories? Or, did you get the VBAC hypnobabies CD? I have it and although I am not listening to it very regularly, it is relaxing and can help put your mind at ease.