Thank you, ladies. - Rant included — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Thank you, ladies. - Rant included

I just wanted to send a thanks out for all of you who've listened to me rant and ask questions the last week or so. It's been hard finding people I can talk to because they either don't know what to say or can't stop saying "I'm sorry" which is always nice but sometimes you just need more...

I can't go to my mother these days. We lost my father back in March so she's dealing with enough. She knows about my m/c, I guess she just assumes I'm okay. Which is fine, I need not worry her. It's just exhausting dealing with her complaining about how my kid sister is being a brat when all I want to do is lean on her for some support. But oh well. If I can be there for her, then I'll do that. 

Then there's my fiance. Ever since we've been together it's been one terrible tragedy after another in my family / with me personally. I feel terrible that he's literally seen me at my worst several times. He's nothing but loving and comforting but I can't help but feel guilty for having him pick up the pieces time and time again. I try to give him the opportunity to grieve and be depressed over our loss, but he spends his time worrying about me. And then he tries to be -over- comforting saying that "it just wasn't time" which again are all nice to hear but over and over again...it just doesn't feel real.

I know our men lost these babies too. I also take comfort in the fact that they didn't have to FEEL the loss. Maybe emotionally, but it's a whole new level when you physically feel your dream go away. At least for me it was. My m/c was nothing compared to the pain and blood I had to go through in high school (I've had major hormone/medical issues), but the fact that it was my baby vs just another vicious period... that killed me. Every cramp was a stab at my heart as well.

Sorry for the rant...just some things I know not many people in my life would understand but you all just might. I thank you all for being here and being the comfort I didn't know I'd find. I hate that any of you had to find your way to this board, but I thank you.

(hugs) 

Me 28 | DH 33
Married 12.21.12
DD#1 born 5.21.13
DD#2 due 7.11.16

Re: Thank you, ladies. - Rant included

  • Sorry that you have been having such a rough time lately :(  I'm glad that you found this board and have gotten support and comfort from it.  Take care of yourself right now and try not to feel guilty about your fiancee having to "pick up the pieces"--I'm sure he loves you a lot and is concerned and more than happy to be your support right now.

    ((hugs))

    TTC #1 since November 2011
    ** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
    ** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
    NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29

    ***All AL always welcome***
  • I understand where you're coming from. As a woman every time you're going to the bathroom shortly after an mc you're reminded about what is going on. Everyone is giving you the pity looks etc. It's hard to move on especially when you don't have the support you need.

    I'm sorry that your mother hasn't been there for you when you wanted her to be. Even though you know she's suffering too, I think she would feel better knowing that she can help you through your pain. 

    Good luck with everything and I'm sorry for your loss.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
    BFP 2 - October 30, 2012, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2013
    TTC no sooner than November 2014
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  • Ugh... I'm over the platitudes too.  Some people need to learn that sometimes it's best not to say anything at all.  Especially when they can't relate. 

    If I have to hear my niece say one more time how scared she was when she spotted with her DD, I will flip out.  She keeps using that to say she knows how scary it is.  Um, no.  You had a healthy baby... you know nothing about it.

    A very good friend of DH's wants to write a book about all the times when people should just shut up.  I will be the first one in line to buy it.

    Hope it gets better for you! 

  • Rant away.  I can understand alot of how you are feeling.  I hope you find that your days get easier.  Thinking of you.
    BFP #1 5/13 - chemical 5/19 4 weeks 6 days BFP #2 6/14 EDD - 2/24 Please Stick!!!! BabyFetus Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image KikiCohen:

    If I have to hear my niece say one more time how scared she was when she spotted with her DD, I will flip out.  She keeps using that to say she knows how scary it is.  Um, no.  You had a healthy baby... you know nothing about it.

    My own sister did this to me!!  I called her right when I found out I was MCing--clearly not the right person to call--she said "I know exactly how you feel--I was so worried my whole first tri"  Yeah not at all the same :(

    Grrr...

    I will be second in line to buy the book about when people need to shut up...

    TTC #1 since November 2011
    ** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
    ** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
    NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29

    ***All AL always welcome***
  • Oh wow! I luckily do not have anyone in my immediate life who is that...well to be honest, just damn clueless.

    I do have a friend who has three amazing children (my god daughters, actually) but she's also suffered two miscarriages. She's been nothing but the good support. Not overly mushy and trying to "cheer me up." Just telling me the facts about what she went through last time, and it's been as comforting as reading the boards here. 

    I def need to buy that book too!

    Me 28 | DH 33
    Married 12.21.12
    DD#1 born 5.21.13
    DD#2 due 7.11.16
  • fabkfabk
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    member

    I know exactly how you feel. I actually forced mh to go away this week (he was supposed to go away last week, but stayed because of the m/c). It was the best thing I could possibly do. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I wanted to be alone with my emotions and deal with it in my own way.

    IMO, miscarriage is just not talked about, people don't know about it. Or at least they think they know, but they have no idea what it is really about and/or how often it actually happens. Movies/TV/Books have left me completely unprepared for what miscarriage really is.

    I really wish that it was such a taboo subject so that people would have a better understanding of what miscarriage is, what it means for the people going through it. It might make it a tiny bit easier to those going through it. But that's all just my opinion. 

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