I just wanted to send a thanks out for all of you who've listened to me rant and ask questions the last week or so. It's been hard finding people I can talk to because they either don't know what to say or can't stop saying "I'm sorry" which is always nice but sometimes you just need more...
I can't go to my mother these days. We lost my father back in March so she's dealing with enough. She knows about my m/c, I guess she just assumes I'm okay. Which is fine, I need not worry her. It's just exhausting dealing with her complaining about how my kid sister is being a brat when all I want to do is lean on her for some support. But oh well. If I can be there for her, then I'll do that.
Then there's my fiance. Ever since we've been together it's been one terrible tragedy after another in my family / with me personally. I feel terrible that he's literally seen me at my worst several times. He's nothing but loving and comforting but I can't help but feel guilty for having him pick up the pieces time and time again. I try to give him the opportunity to grieve and be depressed over our loss, but he spends his time worrying about me. And then he tries to be -over- comforting saying that "it just wasn't time" which again are all nice to hear but over and over again...it just doesn't feel real.
I know our men lost these babies too. I also take comfort in the fact that they didn't have to FEEL the loss. Maybe emotionally, but it's a whole new level when you physically feel your dream go away. At least for me it was. My m/c was nothing compared to the pain and blood I had to go through in high school (I've had major hormone/medical issues), but the fact that it was my baby vs just another vicious period... that killed me. Every cramp was a stab at my heart as well.
Sorry for the rant...just some things I know not many people in my life would understand but you all just might. I thank you all for being here and being the comfort I didn't know I'd find. I hate that any of you had to find your way to this board, but I thank you.