September 2011 Moms
Marion&Kit
member
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s/o splitting love
Marion&Kit
member
I know some people are worried about having enough love for more than one child...But what I'm actually a bit worried about is dividing my attention between A and FI, once we're married. The week he was here, I felt like I was neglecting A - I'm so used to spending almost all of my time and energy and love and attention on just her.
How do you make sure your relationship stays intact while not taking away from the baby time?
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Re: s/o splitting love
I think it's important to do things as a family. We play down on the floor with J, together. We walk to the playground together. Taking walks is a great way to get to talk to FI, but A is content and with you. I'm sure J loves hearing us talk while we walk, and he gets to see everything around us.
Also, the early bedtime helps. We have time to eat dinner together, clean up, and watch some tv before bed.
This and Date night. You have to take an evening away from your LO and just focus on you two. We were not doing this & did it the first time last friday. I was so nervous about D's first sleep over but she survived and was great & Dh and I got to focus on us, talk and see a good movie.
This! We didn't do it enough when we just had DD but when the second one came along we made it a weekly habit of putting the kids to bed and eating a great steak dinner with red wine. We would rent a movie and stay in because we didn't have a whole lot of funds. Now we hire a sitter and go out once a month...without the kids. It's important to have family time but it's just as important to have couple's time where you can reconnect with each other. We also make a point not to discuss the kids on date night.
I think you'll notice it's different when you're living with your FI, too. Since you'll be seeing your FI all the time instead of just when he's able to visit you won't feel the need to focus as much attention or spend as much time together as possible during the short time you have. You can spread that time and attention out since you'll have every day for the rest of your lives together
For us, it's pretty much what the other ladies have said - we spend a lot of family time together, have family dinners almost every night, go for walks with the girls, to the park, we recently started "Pizza and Movie Night" one or two Friday's a month now that our older DD is able to sit through most of a movie. Both girls go to bed between 7 and 8, so after they're in bed we can spend time together. We also take advantage of our families' willingness to babysit anytime we can to go out for dinner or a movie or even just get groceries just the two of us. They're 3-6 hours away, so it's only once every 2 or 3 months, but it's enough to let us reconnect a little. We've left DD1 overnight once and it was hard, but great to get away. I'm not ready to leave DD2 yet, but am looking forward to doing another overnight trip just the two of us eventually.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
That is definitely something my friend struggled with when her husband came back from Iraq. She was used to doing everything a certain way with her LO and her H felt left out sometimes. Other times he would feel a bit overwhelmed with what she expected of him too. Just remember that he has to learn to be a father and a husband, so be patient and understanding. Definitely do date nights for the two of you though, you have so much reconnecting to do!
Oh and I don't know what time A goes to bed, but the two hours we have between when B goes down and we go to bed are strictly for us. All bumping, video games, etc, are kind of off limits unless agreed upon. We like to cuddle up and watch tv, movies, clean up and talk, etc.