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January 2011 Moms
HALFM00N
member
Disciplining in public
HALFM00N
member
Do you discipline LO in public (not spank or anything physical lol)?
I tell her we're leaving if she doesn't co-operate (and we do leave), I pick her up and hold her (she hates being restrained), and I also flat out tell her something's bad, no, etc. DH said not to discipline her in public bc it's annoying to see parents do that.... but the thing is she is good at home and an angel at daycare, so there is really no need to discipline at home that much. She really pushes her limit in public bc ppl are always around/ trying to play with her/ or just giving her attention in general.
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Re: Disciplining in public
I think consistent discipline no matter where the location is key. Not disciplining a child in public because it's "annoying" to see other parents doing so is beyond silly. Is your DH 12?
With that being said, without knowing exactly what you're doing/where you're going, I think your expectations may be a bit too high for a 16 month old. A 16 month old isn't going to sit quietly at a restaurant and behave perfectly not because they're intentionally being naughty but because developmentally they're not to an age where they can actually grasp that concept. I totally agree with the concept of giving a warning/leaving a place when a child purposely disobey the rules...I just don't think that's realistic for a child at 16 months.
I agree with KC. Your H is essentially saying that you shouldn't parent in public. Personally, I prefer to see parents engaging with their kids and trying to teach their kids how to behave than allowing kids to continue behaving in an annoying way.
For now, the main thing I discipline in public is DD not holding our hands when we're walking or pinching and biting me. For hand holding, I squat down and I tell her that the rule is she has to hold someone's hand because if she doesn't she can go boom and get hurt [since there is no chance she has the concept of getting hit by a car]. While I say this, she averts her eyes and won't look at me. Then I tell her she can either hold hands or be held/go in the stroller. She usually tries to keep walking on her own so then she goes in the stroller or we carry her. For the pinching and biting I say, "No! We do not touch that way. It hurts and it's not nice." She also ignores that.
Perhaps my techniques aren't really working. She's generally really good at restaurants. If she gets upset it's because she's tired or needs something so we figure out what it is or decide she's too tired to stay out. If we're in synagogue and she starts making noise during services I'll either give her something to play with, give her a snack, or take her out. She really doesn't understand that at some places she needs to be quiet and anyway doesn't have the ability to sit quietly for so long. So other than those behaviors, I can't really think what behaviors she would really understand changing/be able to change at this point.
I'm curious to see what other people think.
This is essentially what we do too, hold hands or be restrained, and I personally think she understands somewhat. She holds our hands when we ask her but pulls away when she sees stuff, other kids, etc. I have a problem with her touching every.single.item that comes within her reach/ sight, and also her bolting to the escalators while we're there at Target. We don't do restaurants with her at this time lol. We only really go to Target, playgrounds and visit relatives. So essentially, all of our problems arise in Target lol.
Do share! jk I know every kid's different! I hope it's a phase bc I am hoping to take her to London this Summer, and that's at least 6 hours alone on plane lol. I haven't even bought the tickets yet because I am hoping to see an improvement. Wishful thinking perhaps.
I rarely let her walk on her own inside stores. The few times we've done it, she runs to everything and pulls things off shelves. I keep her in the stroller or the wagon (I used to wear her but she likes to be able to look around more). I often give her a snack or show her things we're looking at.
When she's older, I don't want to have to fight with her to go in the wagon. Particularly if we have 2 kids. And I don't think it's particularly safe to have a kid running around like that. So if she's always in the wagon, it'll be longer before she starts having fits about it. I hope.
I would definitely displine in public. For all the reasons PP mentioned but the biggest being consistency. DD is pretty good when we run errands. We live 15-20 min outside of town so when I go to the grocery store, Walmart or Target we stop at the park afterwards as a reward. There was one time she didn't want to get in her car seat after grocery shopping. Finally I wrestled her into the seat and she was screaming. I lost it and told her if she didn't stop crying we weren't going to the park. I was totally shocked the stopped immediately. I didn't think at this age they understand consequences but I guess she is starting to.
Honestly I'd rather see a parent disciplining their child rather than letting them run around like crazy.
Now restaurants are a different story! We very rarely eat out, we never did much before DD and now with her it's just not enjoyable to be fighting to keep her in her high chair or entertain her.
Yea... she will not stay in the stroller or cart, she'll throw the food away after she gets distracted. She is fine in the stroller outside but inside, she wants out... which is fine with me bc I hold her hands. However, she also doesn't like that.
haha the look, I remember my mom having one too haha I thought my mom was God at one point...she was so strict!
Oh yes, my parents were very strict too. Which is probaby why I went wild in my late teens. I need to find some sort of happy medium w/ W...because if she does half the stuff I did, I will have a head full of grey hair .
That's fairly normal at her age.
If she runs, you tell her she can't run and she has to stay in the stroller/cart. Naturally she will throw a fit. When she calms down, give her another chance and keep repeating over and over again.
If you listen to your DH's ridiculous advice, she will never learn the rules and will end up getting hit by a car or something. Safety rules are a very important lesson to learn and you should start young.
Fortunately, JT is totally cool with riding in the shopping cart and sitting in the high chair at a restaurant. Once we approach the 2+ hour mark in the restaurant he gets really antsy (understandably, I do too!). Those are rare occasions though.
However, when he does have a meltdown I usually try to remove him from the situation or distract him with food. I do a lot of "JT, NO. JT, NO. JT, NO. Here...have (XYZ)." I'm sure it's annoying for others though.