SS mean to pets
We have my step son every summer, christmas vacation, and spring break. Over Christmas and spring break he was good with our pets, but now we have him for the entire summer. I am 33 weeks pregnant, and SS has been excited for his new little brother, and even had to skype the pets while he was at his moms during the school year. We have had him with us for 2 weeks now, and he is turning mean. He is nice one minute, and the next he head butts my in the stomach. His dad had explained to him that this is unexceptable, and we have tried taking toys away from him and putting him in time out, but he just doesnt seem to get it. Last night he was petting the dog, and started digging his nails into her. the dog bit him. I understand that he doesnt have pets at his mom's house, but he is 6 years old. At lunch we were sitting on the couch reading a book and the cat comes and cuddles up on his lap and he jumps up and kicks it. I told him that was not nice, and asked why he would do that. He shrugged and said cuz he felt like it. H asked me last night if I was ready for all of this, since this is only the 3rd time we have had SS (mom refused to comply with custody order and courts have now ordered her to let us spend time with him,) our little boy is due soon, and my dog and cat have been family members for so long. My pets do not act out toward other people's children. My dog loves babies, and my god son who is the same age as SS. And suggestions would be great. BM is no help, she just says she will come get him and that he is a handful that is why her parents usually have him.
Re: SS mean to pets
A 6 year old should know better than to behave like that. Before you mentioned his age I was imagining this being a toddler. I think just saying "that's not nice," isn't nearly enough. He needs a punishment for these kinds of behaviors. I think part of creating the safe and consistant home environment kids need involves discipline. Sugar coating things for him will only make him act worse. A warning the first time is fine but if he is doing these things repeatedly I would start with time outs and taking things away.
Edit: Sorry, I just realized you said you had done those things. Does he respond at all to discipline? I would just keep stepping up the consequences if he is ignoring the methods you are already using. If it was SS or DS I would end up taking away all of their toys, TV, video games...anything and everything if they were that bad and unresponsive.
Send him to his room.
The family areas are for people who behave and where there are pets and (will be) a younger sibling. If he can't behave around the pets, he'll have to go to his room. "Obviously you need time away from the pets. Go to your room for 10 minutes (set the timer, and yes it is longer than 1 minute for every year of his age, b/c hurting an animal is worse then other things)."
If he misbehaves again, then send him to his room for longer.
If he is "ok" with going to his room because there are toys, television, ipod, etc....then start taking those away.
What does he value? If it's toys or tv time, take those away. If it's $$, then make him take money from his bank to buy food for animals in a shelter.
Some kids know intuitively to behave around pets and some don't.
Tell him your expectations (how to pet, how to play) as well as what's not allowed. Explain that it's unkind to hurt animals, and ask if he would like that if someone bigger than him did it to him. I've found that with my boy especially, I have to kind of teach empathy. He just doesn't think about things from someone else's perspective.
Give him examples of specific, concrete behaviors and that are not allowed and what the consequences will be.
We have a cat. My DS doesn't hurt the cat, but he's not always very kind either. So when he sneaks up on the cat and scares him, he is sent to an immediate time out. If he were to do something again that night, I might have him write 20 sentences about how important it is to be kind.
My biggest concern is what is SS going to do to baby once he is born. We have told him that he will loose game time, TV time, and/or toy time if he is not nice to the pets. He seem to listen at the time, and then a few hours later he is back at it. Then cries when we take away something from him.
We do take it away, first it was for a day, then 2, now a week. He will cry and pout, but we do not give in. It just doesnt seem to matter. H came home last night and had a talk with him about trying to kick the cat last night. These pets have been a part of our family for so long. It seems to be more after BM or her parents call, that he starts to act out.