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Attachment Parenting
Is your pediatrican supportive of your parenting choices?
Hey Ladies
Do you tell your doctor about bedsharing? If so, is your doctor supportive? My doctor and her nuse ask at every appointment where the baby sleeps and I am honest with her about DD sleeping in bed with me. We love our pediatrican but she is obviously not happy with our decision to bed share. She also tries to talk us in to giving DD poly vi sol at every appointment despite us telling her we aren't going to. Even though we like her personality and the fact that she has such a small practice I know we are going to make a lot decisions she doesn't like such as delaying solids. I wonder if maybe we should just stop being so honest?
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Re: Is your pediatrican supportive of your parenting choices?
My pedi has never asked. After 12mo, they stopped asking about BFing, though it was obvious we were extended nursing when I nursed DS through his 2yr shots.
If it makes you uncomfortable, then switch. Or be that exasperating patient and ask her about her training in parenting. Has she had a lot of courses on it? Or ask about the research she has to back up her suggestions.
I love our doc. She doesn't usually ask about anything other than his health. She's super laid back (and has raised 4 kids) and she pretty much says that you should do what works for your family.
She's not strictly a pedi though.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
All I said to the pedi was "we do plan to vaccinate, just not today" and he LOST IT. He called me stupid, accused me of only listening to celebrities (uh, what?), said the removal of thimerisol was "unnecessary bullshit" and told me with 100% certainty that DS would die if he caught anything. (Note: DS is healthy and not immune compromised in any way.) He also lied to me and told me dtap was not available except in combo with hep b and polio - when I called him on that (because obviously they carry dtap boosters) he admitted they do carry them but refused to administer any vaccine if I did not get all of them the same day.
It's been a month and I'm still seething over it! Besides that, even though you know its not true, anyone saying "your baby is going to die" kinda plays with your mind.
MY JOURNEY AS A SINGLE BF-ING, CD-ING, BABYWEARING MOM
We see our family doctor and he never asks about our parenting choices. He just weighs and measures, checks DD's vitals, asks about milestones and asks if we have questions. When I have questions he answers them to the best of his ability. If he doesn't know, he finds out. He's a great doctor.
I would not be with a doctor that was pushy. I can handle an agree to disagree situation, but parenting is not medicine and pediatricians don't need to hand out that advice.
Our pedi is ok with bedsharing, and never really pushed about what kind of food to feed DD, BUT she is sooo anti-BF that it boggles my mind. I just ignore her, and remind her that we are still BFing, and that we are going to continue until DD is at least 2. She is never mean about it, but since DD is super tiny, she likes to tell me that she BFs too much, and that is the reason she is so small. I just kind of change the topic and let her know that DD does it plenty of food also.
If I really cared about having a pedi with similar parenting views I would have changed long ago, but really I just go to her for DDs vaccines, or if she gets sick, which has only been twice.
I just lie. I know me and my pedi don't see eye to eye on things like bedsharing, so I just tell her what she wants to hear.
It doesnt bother me that we dont see eye to eye on stuff like that. I trust her medical opinion and that's all that really matters to me at the end of the day. I choose doctors based on their medical expertise, not for someone to tell me I'm doing a great job because I did BLW or bedshared.
Ours asks the routine questions at the beginning of the appointment. Where, when, how, how long does he sleep? What does he eat? Still bfing? Etc. But they just record the answers on his "chart" (electronic) and move on. Usually the nurse asks all the questions and the doctor just comes in to play with the baby. I swear that's why every pediatrician in our group is a pedi. They love babies. They will look him over and then spend 10 minutes just chatting with me and playing with LO. It's a pretty laid back place really. There are 7 or 8 pediatricians in the group that all seem to be okay with extended bfing and bedsharing. They have an LC and a bfing nurse (some sort of training) on staff too though.
I am a family doc and my daughters were just switched from one of my pedi friends to a peds nurse practitioner (we're Army and my friend deployed). DD2 had her 6mo appt today and it was humorous, she asked me ~4x in various ways "you're not going to give her cereal" "no oatmeal" etc.... I explained she loves the foods we have given her so far, then she seemed exasperated and inquired about poly-vi-sol w/ iron and I said we were already using this (formulary at our hospital is poly-vi-sol w/o iron) so she gave up. At the end she said your daughter is "sleeping on her back still right" to which I had to respond that most of the time we co-sleep and it works for us. I happen to know she is not breastfeeding friendly, but she has asked me to talk to a few of the couplets she has seen that need breastfeeding help so at least she knows her limitations (I'm a CLC). I chuckle but find it interesting personally and professionally, I would never think it my job to judge parenting styles though I guess we all have our experiences which cloud our professional lens and I know that my patients (and even nonpatients as an Army post is an island it seems) know I am anti-juice, pro-breastfeeding, etc.
I would find someone that you trust with medical decisions and that you don't feel like you have to lie to about everything else, but people are right, that doesn't mean you have to "volunteer" information.
She hasn't specifically asked, but when it comes up in the questioning, I do offer. She's been totally fine on our bedsharing, baby wearing, baby led weaning, elimination communication, extended breastfeeding ways. (Heck, even our "not always wearing shoes indoors" ways.
) She's also been good with our "slightly modified vaccination schedule" ways. (We're mostly mainstream, but didn't do HepB at birth, or yet, and haven't done varicella yet, though will before school. She's even the one who said "eh, you could skip rotovirus if you want, as right now, which is when she's most susceptible to it, is when we see it the least.")
In your shoes, I would either not mention it, or would say "I hear that you disapprove of my choices. As I've done a ridiculous amount of research on the subject, and I am familiar with the AAP's recommendations, I understand why you might feel that way. But, as I've done a ridiculous amount of research on the subject, I am confident that we are making the right decisions as well. I'm happy to talk about real problems with our specific situation and ways we might go about solving those problems, but I do not need your generalized disapproval on parenting issues that are not actually relevant here. If it is a significant issue to work for a patient like me, and you can't be objective, we will happily go find another doctor. Until then, I'd prefer to work with you, but without the judgement."
There are few people I would give this schpeil to - my ped is one of them. (Fortunately, I haven't had to!)
We see a group of pediatricians and as a practice their policies etc don't take a stand one way or the other on AP issues. They do have a statement they give to everyone about their beliefs on vaccines (get them as scheduled) and it's very well written. However, I also believe in vaccinating on schedule so that doesn't bother me at all.
Overall I've found that most of the doctors are supportive of my choices, or at least neutral. I'm tandem nursing and the only comment I've gotten about that was that they would have been worried about me nursing during pregnancy but it looks like everything turned out ok (my daughter was 9 lbs at birth). Lately we've mostly been seeing the nurse practitioner because she works at the satellite office the most and that office is most convenient for us. She's totally supportive. We had the food conversation last time (4 months) and she started it by asking if our daughter was showing any interest in food etc. I told her she wasn't and she said that we should look for those signs and if she seemed ready before our next appointment we could try it and if she didn't then we could wait. She would have given us the whole speech about what foods etc but we have an older one so she didn't bother, just asked if we had questions.
The nurse on the other hand... she's pretty traditional and it rubs me the wrong way. She makes us put the baby down on the table for shots and assumes a typical feeding schedule etc. I don't think she'd argue if I told her we do something different but her default is not mine. The receptionist is the same way. Pretty much every time we go in there she tells us to sleep train. I laugh it off and move on because she's super nice to my kids.
we have limited pedi choices that are close to us. We did find one that pretty much leaves us alone, and tols us when we interviewed him that he follows the lead of the patient - some want more advice, others just want medical attention and he is happy to do whatever.
The nurses ask an annoying list of questions at the start of each appt - and by annoying I am talking about the way they are phrased.
At the 6 month appt. the nurse asked "what formula is baby on?" I just said "none" and there was an awkward silence. Then I said "We're breastfeeding." Really?!
Another annoying question was about sleeping "The baby is sleeping in her crib?" "no" - questioning look from nurse - "we bedshare" lol.
Anyway, we refused all the vitamins and preferred to test her blood for things like iron deficiency and vitamin d deficiency - both which came back normal.
We never really brought up BLW, which we did, but when they asked what she was eating at her 6 month appt, we said nothing, and at the 9 month appt we just listed the thing she ate - avocado, sweet potato, applesauce, broccoli, ect. and Pedi just said "great"
It's up to you - it depends on what you want from a Pedi. If you want parenting advice, then you should find one who has similar views. If you just want medical advice, then I wouldn't worry about it, unless it becomes an uncomfortable relationship.
DS sees a family doctor (also my doctor), not a pedi. Pedi's are rare here and only for sick kids.
She rarely asks or comments on parenting choices. She did talk to me about starting solids at 6 months. I told her we were doing BLW. She had no idea what that was and probably thought I was nuts, but my baby was and is healthy so she really didn't push it. I don't think she ever asked about sleep arrangements, other than the time I took DS in when he was coughing until he puked on me. Then she told me I needed to get myself more sleep (ask for help during the day).
I think it can be hard to find a doctor that's on board with AP principles; if it's important to you, ask around and get recommendations. If you're happy to just have a doctor do healthcare, then either be truthful and unapologetic, or lie about the things that you don't think are their business to lecture about.
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My LO sees a family doc, and he's actually a DO not an MD. Similar medical training but difference in philosophy. I don't know if that's what makes the difference, or it's his personality or a combination but he is a very hands-off type doctor.
He has never once asked us where LO sleeps, or what he eats, or any of the parenting questions I've seen various posters talk about. I assume since LO is growing well and meeting milestones he figures we are doing fine. When LO was a newborn, he has asked if we (meaning the whole family) are sleeping ok and whether I was BF or FF. But he hasn't asked since. He offered a list of foods at his 4m appointment. I said we would delay until 6m and he said ok. He has talked with us about our decision to space out some vaccines after a horrific 2m appointment and while I know he would've preferred to do more at once he ultimately supported our decision and hasn't mentioned it since.
I personally wouldn't be comfortable lying to my healthcare provider, because I think that reflects a lack of trust which is vital to have with the person who is making medical recommendations for you/your children. If you don't care for the way your pedi practices perhaps it's time to find a new Dr.
I prefer to discuss medical issues with our pedi...Issues like how early to start solids, where baby sleeps, etc. are parental preferences in my opinion. My pedi doesn't ask about things like that. They offer suggestions, and then leave it up to us to decide. My best friend, on the other hand, has a very opinionated pedi and she follows her advice to the letter. I actually get very annoyed by pediatricians who tout their opinions as facts.
She doesn't really ask and I don't volunteer. She's very matter-of-fact and we only tend to go over strictly medical and developmental issues at our appointments, not parenting issues.
I don't feel the need to ask her for parenting advice, because, well, that's not actually her specialty- it's medicine.
Well, over the bolded you DIDN'T have your child's well-being in mind. That's a fact.
The four pedi's we've seen (it's a group practice) have all been very accepting of our decisions and don't pry too much. The two actually were incredibly helpful with my wanting to breastfeed and helped me convince H that it was the best choice for DD (he was hearing from others that formula was best and I was being selfish/harming DD by ebf). They delayed one of DD's shots (I think the second hep
because of her size, and always discuss little things with me.
Their approach to sleep is asking me how I am doing, verses asking what DD is doing. Mostly it's just an approach of "So how are nights going, momma?" I tell them we're doing ok and that's that.
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My pedi is pretty laid back and will never pry for information that's not really medically related. A lot of times those topics come up in conversation (BLW or bed sharing) and she is always super supportive or has a funny story about how one of her four kids still winds up in bed with her even at the age of 5. She's more concerned with how dd is growing and developing and doesn't seem to say much on the other things.
I do have quite the girl crush on my pedi though. She really is amazing and I almost fell over one day when she told me she thought I was a great mom and asked if she could recommend me to a family looking for a nanny.