3 days overdue and emotionally crushed about SO..
While me and the BF are not married nor engaged, and our situation wasn't planned for, we were making the best of it and are currently living together.
I know all people have a past. He has an exwife with whom he has 2 children and only 1 other serious ex gf, who he dated for 2 years.
Today we went out with a group of friends, had a really great time. Came back home, he was pretty liquored up, so I'll admit, I took advantage of his liquid honesty. Becuase at times, he can be pretty private with his emotions and feelings. But regardless-- the talk was good. But there's just been that feeling, I couldn't shake, like something was missing...something he wasnt saying.
And Im sure most of you will scold me for this, but my human nature got the best of me, and for the first time ever, I looked through his phone. I didnt look at every message that every girl had ever written him, that wasn't my concern. It was his ex gf of 2 years..
An there it was....for the past year we had been together, he was still talking to her, sleeping with her, going out to eat with her, taking her out with his kids, saying he loved her, saying he missed her, buying her things. The most embrassing part for me to read? Was she made a comment "What about C", his response completly disregarded me, and just said he wanted to see her and be with her.
Our baby is 3 days overdue. And now, I'm a mess. I hate myself for looking, bc I don't want to remember when our daughter was born, I found out daddy was a douche. But this isn't something that I can let go.... or should I? She'll be here any day. And yes, this past month. they have finally stopped seeing each other...why? Bc SHE now has a boyfriend that shes loyal to.
Do I ask him to confess? What good will come from this right now. We just started living together( which is also prob why things ended), But I just couldn't think of worse timing. Just confused and heartbroken.
Re: 3 days overdue and emotionally crushed about SO..
This is an impossible situation but I would call a friend or a parent and see if you can have their spare bedroom for a few months until you get things sorted. I definitely don't think you should pretend you don't know this. This guy will probably not stay faithful to anyone this has nothing to do with you, beyond just completely lack of respect for you, do you want to bring your child into a situation in which she thinks cheating is normal or ok?
Just remember "you're braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."
I am so sorry you are going through this right now.
No need to apologise for going through his phone, you knew in your gut something was wrong and you found out the truth. My advice to anyone in a relationship is trust BUT check.
You cannot do it to your baby or yourself to bottle this and pretend its not happening. It will eat you up inside and you will never trust him. Every time he leaves the house you will wonder where he is. That is not fair to you and especially to your child as she needs all of mommies attention right now.
You need to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that you are going to get through this and you are going to be ok. Is there a bff or family member you can lean on for support?
Tell him that you know and that you are heartbroken. Tell him he is a lying piece of sh!t. Tell him to leave and give you time to get your head together. Whatever you want just tell him he is a SOAB.
The best thing you can do now is be honest with him. If he is only sticking around for the baby then it is inevitable that the relationship with not work. Would you want him to stay knowing it was not you he was there for?
Tell him you know and he will either choose to leave or choose to stay. If he chooses to stay then at least you can build from there and be open and honest with each other.
Whatever you choose to do you have to tell him.
Again hugs and I am so sorry this happened and at this time.
Don`t give him the choice, he already had a choice to make and he made one by sleeping with someone else while you are together. Worse he told this girl he loved her, took his kids around her and like you said, had no concern for you. The only choice I would be making now is where to stay but if you do choose to stay you need to set very clear expectations and consequences for his actions should he stray again. You really need to look inward and see if you can deal with always wondering where he is when he is not with you. Not to mention the risk he took with your health by sleeping with you both. I do not say these things to be cruel but as someone who was cheated on before (not by my husband) I know that it is very hard to trust again once it has been broken. You also do not want your child to grow up to think it is acceptable to behave this way. Good luck, my heart goes out to you during this difficult time.
All of this..
You are in such a tough place right now and my heart goes out to you. Whatever you decide to do, I recommend that you go with your gut and do what's right for you and this child. You two come first.
Please take care of yourself. The hormonal roller coaster you are going to be on is going to be tough, but you can get thru this if you set your mind to it. Whatever you decide, know that there are good people here that will give you honest, helpful advice.
Best to you.
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry this is happening to you, right as you are about to have the happiest day of your life. I agree w/ pp, and get with family or friends and find a place to go. Your BF does not deserve you. What a lying piece of crap he is. I would ABSOLUTLEY tell him that you know. He deserves some reprocussions for what he has done.
I wish you nothing but the best, and I am sorry you are hurting. I know first hand, it really is an awful feeling, especially when you are pregnant.
True story my mom was a single mother to 5 of us and she was the best mother ever. You need to do what you need to do to help you and your baby. My (now ex) husband cheated on me, I wasn't pregnant, and I tried to forgive and let it go but it was impossible. I was suspicious all the time and hated him so much eventually I left him and then got a divorce. Now over a year later I'm remarried to the most amazing man and pregnant with my first. It's never too late to have a happily ever after, but it's up to you to take the first step to getting there. GL sorry you had to go through this
My fiance left me for another woman when my son was a year and a half old. It was the hardest thing I have been through but I survived it and life went on (and got better) for me and it will for you too. You will go through some hards times but always remember it gets better.
I agree with the previous poster that you need to line up family/friend support for the birth and helping you care for the baby. That is most important. When you talk to him let him know that you feel betrayed. If you still love him you can ask him if he wants to work it out but from everything you have said it doesn't look good.
If you do split you need to consider custody and child support matters. DO NOT give your baby his name. Trust me, if you break up with this man you will regret giving your child his name. DO NOT put his name on the birth certificate. Because you are not married YOU alone can make these decesions. He will not be able to spend time with your child unless you allow him to or he takes you to court. You will need to get set up for child support and at that time he will need to take a blood test if he disputes it.
Good news is that since your child is so young and especially if you breastfeed he will probably not be awarded very much visitation as you will be the primary custodial parent. If you guys live in the same town he would probably get to visit the baby with you there. Since my son was already a year and a half old my lawyer advised me to give his dad visitation voluntarily which I did. I feel like I gave him too much and if I could do it all over again I would have given him less. But as it is now he gets 8 nights a month with my son. He gets Wednesday nights and every other Fri and Sat. night. When my son goes to kindergarten we will most likely cut out Weds. nights because we live too far away for his dad to drop him off at school.
In the beginning it broke my heart to send my son away to be with my ex and his girlfriend. It still hurts but not as much. Time heals. And I am glad that my son will have a relationship with his father, because that is so important. And although it is hard to be away from my son it is nice to sometimes have a break. Since I have a built in baby sitter I get to do stuff for myself on Wednesday nights and every other Fri and Sat. Which I am trying to enjoy as it may be short lived because I would like to have another child. I have been dating a great guy for about 8 months and assuming things continue to go well we will probably get married and try to have another child in the next couple of years.
Good luck and just know that you will be just fine. It will be hard at first but your life will get better. Enjoy your baby and your life will fall into place.