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Childless not by choice
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For all the women who have children and want to post here...READ THIS FIRST!

irishfrenchgirlirishfrenchgirl
in Childless not by choice

I had to repost this because I feel so strongly about it. I too didn't understand women who didn't have children before infertility.  Now I know...and so should everyone else. Especially those who HAVE children and asks someone who is CFNBC a question such as this.  SO here it is...

 "You ladies are CFNBC does this mean you as well have chosen not to adopt?"

-Seriously???  I am not trying to be the bitchy one here but WHY would someone post here if you are not CFNBC?  I REALLY don't understand it.  I feel like every week there is a posting from someone who is asking us all kinds of questions like we are part of a museum or a zoo! "ooooh, lets go to the CFNBC room and see what they are like. I've never seen one of those before!!!"  We are not here because we WANT to be.  Don't you think we would have explored EVERY option that we physically and financially can before tagging ourselves CFNBC?  Please think about the questions you are asking on a board like this one before posting them.  Whether you are trying to be curious or not, the question you asked is offensive and upsetting. Questions like this make us feel as if we are being judged or that others assume we are not intelligent enough to think of adoption in the first place.  We are women who are grieving the loss of a future we will never have. It is a safe zone...not a freak show.  We are just like you only are not as fortunate to have the desired outcome, either by nature or destiny. Please refrain from asking us "questions".  We are not here to make YOU feel better or help YOU understand our situation.  We have a hard enough time understanding it ourselves.

 

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Re: For all the women who have children and want to post here...READ THIS FIRST!

  • LaLa1725LaLa1725 member
    Really? You needed to post this twice in 10 minutes?  People are going to ask questions whether you like it or not.   Get over it and move on.
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  • irishfrenchgirlirishfrenchgirl
    Get over it??  Obviously you have NO IDEA what you are talking about.  Which just proves my point. Have a great day!
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  • LIAngelLIAngel member

    I have a friend who is CFNBC and my heart breaks for her.   She is grieving hard.  I would be an awful awful friend if I said to her "Why don't you adopt?".    That is none of my freakin' business.   I know she can't adopt due to medical reasons, they (her and her DH) would never get approved. Even if I didn't know about her medical stuff, I would never ever bring it up.

      All I can do is support her and be the best friend I can be.   We live in different states and when I went to visit my hometown (where she also lives), she said that seeing my kids would be too hard so could we get together just the 2 of us.   No problem!  She is just not in a place where she can be around kids/babies right now.  

     

     

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  • AkiraWindflyerAkiraWindflyer
    um i wasn't gonna ask any questions i was just curious cause i didn't know there were ppl out there who couldn't have kids because they physically can't and adoption agencies won't approve of them. since you posted this it made me understand so thanks.
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  • DulmariaDulmaria member
    I might be talking out of ignorance, but I think it sucks adoption agencies won't let nice, loving couples adopt.
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  • NewMrs07NewMrs07 member

    I just happened to click on this board today and I can't believe what I'm reading. The ladies on this board have been through a lot. They deserve to have a board where their feelings are respected and not have a bunch of idiots or trolls post random posts with nonsense to hurt them or made them mad. I can't believe there are so many insensitive people out there. Shame on those who contaminate this board with crap. It's not funny for the ladies on here or for anyone else, for that matter.

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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  • KisstyKissty member
    I appologize that someone would do something so stupid...My husband and tried for over 7 yrs.  I was heartbroken.  I did my best at being a great Aunt.  I am 33 and everyone would always ask if I had children when I said "No" they always had to ask "why not" like it was a choice i was making.  By the grace of God I am now expecting.  I will pray for each of you.  Hang in there and don't let the ignorance of others get you down.

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  • CoffeeMommy3CoffeeMommy3
    My sister has been trying for almost 5 years now, And it is so hard to be pregnant and know that she wants to be so bad. the only thing is that she will not go see a doctor to find out if there are any health problems that are preventing it. What do I tell her. All she says is it is in God's timing... I understand that but sometimes we need to move toward a purpose and search out the reasons and answers and do our part. As a learning process.
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  • Carebear12303Carebear12303 member

    Praying for all of you ladies and husband out there who are struggling to move on from not being able to have a child of their own.  I Pray that God will help you feel at peace, give you comfort in times when you are really feeling down and I know that He still loves you.  I know you don't want to hear it but Gods will is just that Gods will.  Some may be down the road another 10 years saying, "ohhhhh so thats why God?"  I know its tough, my husband and I are grateful that we are even able to TTC still. 

    Your comment "we are not here to make YOU feel better or help YOU".........I know that.  I actually feel for you ladies and I hope you know that as well.

     I hope my post doesn't not sound thoughtless or ignorant.  I want peace for all of you...........

     

    Secondary Infertility 38 years old (husband has no children)
    TTC since we got married 6/18/11
    Diagnosed with DOR - AMH 0.8

    Miscarriage April 2000
    Had my son 2/27/01

    IUI #1 May 2012 - BFN
    IUI #2 June 2012 - BFN

    Changed RE's September 2014
    IUI #3 December     2014 - BFP-My Lil Blessing!!!


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