Slightly Annoyed - What's Your Take? — The Bump
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Slightly Annoyed - What's Your Take?

I mostly just lurk around the boards these days, but I was wondering what people thought of this.

I was talking to my sister about a week ago on the phone. We were talking about the pregnancy, etc. and out of the blue she says, "Oh! Mom and I were wondering if you wanted to have a small shower? What do you think?"

Now, quick background info. Around here showers have always been thrown by the female family members of the MTB, so that's not an issue; and "sprinkles" are not uncommon.

What I'm annoyed about is the fact that I had just finished saying "Yup, 35 weeks along today" and this is the first time she mentioned a shower.

I felt like answering, "Well a shower might have been nice but there is literally next to no time to plan/throw one before the baby comes, so thanks but no thanks" Instead I told her that I had absolutely no idea that anyone was even thinking of throwing me a shower, and so I hadn't considered the possibility. When I spoke to my mom, it seemed like she had little interest in having a shower. She actually said, "I wasn't sure if you'd want one since it's a second boy in under two years" which roughly translates into, "I don't think it's appropriate for you to have another shower so soon after the first."

Now while I kind of agree with my mom that it's not quite appropriate, I am still annoyed with my sister for offering one so late. I get the feeling that someone may have asked her if/when I was having a shower and she wanted to be able to say, "She doesn't want one" rather than "I never offered to throw her one". (She had been at a relative's shower that day).

I feel like she should not have brought it up, and that she only offered because she knew I'd refuse, but she felt like she had to offer as she had showers for all three of her kids (2 of which I co-hosted).

Any thoughts?  

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Re: Slightly Annoyed - What's Your Take?

  • I would just let it go. I think you are being a little hormonal, but I would feel the same way. I agree that your sister should not have brought it up to you.
  • This isn't something I'd get upset over.  Doing the "woulda/coulda/shoulda" game over what is really so minor is pointless.  
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  • I can see being a little annoyed but at this point, it doesn't really matter.   Just thank your sister for the offer but say no thanks.  Try not to read too much into it.
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  • srs5624srs5624 member
    5 Love Its

    Since you say showers aren't a one and done thing in your circle and she had just been at a shower that same day, I'd bet that someone asked her about a shower for you and she realized that she forgot.

    I get the slight annoyance. Even if you don't need or want another shower, it would feel like you got slighted.

    Politely decline and forget about it.

  • my friend just had a shower...after her baby was born... though i guess her situation was different. she was on bed rest from 2nd trimester and she thought it would be best to have it afterwards.
  • It is annoying. But my take is just breathe and drop it. No sense in getting upset over peoples actions that you can't control. Who knows..maybe she did have some true good intentions and just didn't think about the timing. 
  • Yeah that is annoying, she probably shouldn't have said anything, but she did so not much can be done about that. If I were in your situation, I'd just try to forget about it.
  • BallSoxBallSox member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its

    Last train to The Land of Overreact!  All Aboard!!

    Tell her your not interested, thank her for the offer and move on. 

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  • Wait, what?! You're annoyed that someone was gracious enough to offer you a shower when you just had one less than two years ago?! She probably didn't offer one before because you don't need one! DUH.
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  • I'd put money your sister doesn't have kids???

    It sounds a lot like my sister. She's self involved and nothing connects.

    I too would let it go. If it is you're second boy in 2 years then it might seem tacky to some people. I too would be annoyed that it's being brought up now. Kinda like a "well...I made the offer, I deserve a gold star" situation. When really in reality her offer meant nothing so late in the game.

    If you truly want something maybe say life is too hectic for a shower now. But a "meet the baby" party after would be appreciated?

    I guess this would just be something that I'd vent about here/to my DH but take with a grain of salt with your sister. Sometimes the "what are you thinking?!" conversations are worse than the annoyance.

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  • OP...you mentioned that in your circle of family/friends showers are always thrown by female family members but you didn't say they are thrown for 2nd, 3rd, 4th children (just that sprinkles are not uncommon).  Obviously, your mom thinks showers for subsequent babies are taboo.  Interesting that your sister made it sound like your mom was on-board when you mom herself told you it was not appropriate.  Since she is older (and more wiser in the way of your family?) I'd probably skip a second shower. 

    As for what to tell your sister?  Thank her for the offer but you are pretty much set with baby gear.  Maybe it will make her think back to the showers she's had for all 3 of her kids and realize she was a bit greedy.  You can always hope...

  • Yes, it would annoy me. Roll your eyes behind her back then put on a smile and thank her for offering.  
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  • Liz4444Liz4444 member
    10000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Just say, "thank you for the offer, but we're all set" and move on. 
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