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Natural Birth
agapeflower117
member
Epi/C-Sec = inadequacy?
agapeflower117
member
This may be the hormones talking, but I need some advice. I really want a natural birth...have taken classes, am reading up on mindfulness techiniques, preparing in every way H and I can, etc. But I am so worried that something will happen and I will need an epidural or an emergency c-section. And I'm not so much worried about their effects as much as I am worried about feeling so horribly inadequate. My best friends both had their babies naturally; so did my mother, and I feel like I need to live up to their good work. I have these crazy thoughts, like "If I can't have my baby naturally, will I be able to raise them well?" I'm already thinking that way, I guess - I'm due mid-July and I'm so uncomfortable right now but I hate to complain because if I can't handle a little heartburn, leg cramps, back pain, etc., how am I going to handle a natural birth?
I guess I could use a little talking down, or some sense. I know that one doesn't necessarily correlate with the other, but sometimes it feels that way!
Anyone else out there have these same fears?
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Re: Epi/C-Sec = inadequacy?
Yes, I have these same fears now and then, and whenever the thoughts come up, I push them out of my mind and focus on the positive! I'm not super worried about feeling inadequate if I end up needing/wanting an epidural or c-section, but I'm a bit scared about having to have them. I don't like losing the feeling of control over my body, and I want to able to be with my baby immediately after delivery.
I would suggest putting these fears out of your mind by thinking about the positive, and try to avoid reading/listening to birth horror-stories as they may produce more anxiety in you which *I've heard* (not sure if I believe) could set you up for having the exact experience you don't want. I am a FTM but I believe that the more calm and positive you are, the better chances that things will go smoothly because hormones (such as adrenaline) play such a huge role in how our bodies will work during labor. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth has been an AWESOME positive resource for me, and she gives wonderful advice on how to help your mind and body work together to do everything that needs to be done. Also, sometimes it really is medically necessary to have interventions in order to keep you and your baby safe. I read this article recently and have posted it in many recent responses to posts because I think it's really informative
https://www.fitpregnancy.com/labor-delivery/labor-delivery/intervention-intelligence?page=2
I didn't have the same kind of fears, I just wanted to say that we plan more children and I have loved my two natural births. Yes it's painful, yes it's hard work but it is completely different to the kind of pain that comes with injury. It is pain that comes with fatigue and hard work, your body is doing a job and for me I was too "busy" to really care about the pain.
I also just wanted to say that epis and c-sections are amazing tools that we have available to us. If you need them to birth your baby safely for either yourself or your baby then so bet it. That in no way makes you a failure or inadequate.
If you choose an epi because your birth gets too hard/painful/exhausting then so what?? You will have gone into birth informed about your choices and made the best choice for yourself on the day. There is no shame in making a good choice for yourself.
Having read your post I don't believe for a second that you would choose an epi lightly, so if it hits that point then it means that that is what you need.
Best wishes for your upcoming birth, I'm super excited for you. Kinda wish I was waiting to have another baby too.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I have somewhat similar fears. We planned and hoped for a natural low intervention birth with DS but his pregnancy had several risk factors (breech, low fluid, growth restricted, in distress @37 weeks even though I wasn't even in labor)that made an urgent c-section quite necessary. I was terrified of the surgery but really didn't have a choice since baby needed it. Recovery wasn't nearly as bad as I feared, in fact besides the spinal headache it was very easy.
This time we are also planning and hoping for a natural med free low intervention birth and doing everything within our control to make it happen, however baby still has to cooperate. This baby is not breech, growing well and everything seems good at least for now. I am healthy and trying to believe that my body knows what to do and will be able to have a successful natural birth. If I need another C/S I will be quite disappointed on the loss of the powerful experience the birth could have been, we don't plan to have any more children. I do wonder how I will process and handle if this birth becomes another mini train wreck. It isn't worth much energy now, I hope it is something I don't have to deal with. I guess my point is there may be factors beyond your control where you can be sad that you didn't get the birth experience you hoped for but in the end is necessary for either yourself or baby's health and beating yourself up over it isn't going to help.
Best of luck with your natural birth!
This. Exactly. For me, the goal is not to have a certain type of birth, but to make the best decisions for me and my baby. I think that in most situations, the best decision is for me to have a low-intervention birth, and so that's what I plan for and everything I do is to make that happen. But if something changes and a low-intervention birth isn't possible, I won't feel inadequate. I'll just know that I did everything I could, but there are two people involved in birth -- me and my baby -- and apparently, my baby needed to come out in a different way from what I had planned. Those little stinkers like to remind us very early on who is really in charge
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
Ditto! You are by no means a failure for getting an Epi or needing a c section. So many women struggle with med free birth, and get to the point where they just aren't progressing. That is so frustrating, and it starts a cycle of the body and mid working against each other. The Epi relaxes them, and then next thing you know, they're ready. You have to do what's right for you and baby. And, sometimes, that means throwing your birth plan out the window. Thats the ONLY way to go into natural birth.
Oh jeez, motherhood has nothing to do with how med-free your birth was! You will have the rest of your life to be a mother - even the longest labor and birth only lasts a few days. And epidurals and even c/s do have a place in birth sometimes.
Not to sound glib about it, but even if your birth doesn't go as you're hoping, it'll be okay. I was really upset about my first birth (med-free turned unplanned c-section) for a long time but having a VBAC and just the passage of time helped me deal with it. I can honestly say no one asks how your kids were born once they are older than a few months. hth!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Chances are, everything will go great for you! The majority of moms are able to have unmedicated, low-intervention births if they want them. PP mentioned reading some positive birth stories. I second that idea.
If you are in the small percentage who require medication/intervention during birth, then you should not feel like you failed. That's what those interventions are there for. I know this is hard. I had a difficult, high-intervention birth due to PreE complications and still, to a certain degree, feel like I "failed." My L&D nurse (who had a natural birth herself) told me something that comforted me as my birth plan was going out the window. She told me that "You can't compare your birth to anyone else's. What was right for them might not be right for you".
Best of luck, and try to stay thinking about the positive. I know those last weeks of pregnancy are hard :-)
BFP#2: EDD 2/11/14, MMC confirmed 7/15/13 (growth stopped at 6 weeks), D&C @ 12 weeks 7/25/13
I can talk from experience. I had two med-free births followed by a labor with an epidural. And I will say that I was really disappointed in myself for a while afterward. I felt like I had let myself down, knowing that I had done it before but just couldn't do it this time.
I had to be induced with just a touch of pitocin and getting my water broken so I knew there were other factors in that labor but it just didn't matter to me at the time. I finally came to realize that it's true, every labor experience is different and I did what was best for me and baby in that situation (I couldn't stay relaxed with the contractions and had stalled - an epi was my hope at relaxing my body enough to dilate, which is exactly what happend). It got baby out without any stress on his body and let me enjoy that labor for what it was.
In the end, that's what you have to keep in mind. You will make the best decisions for your baby and for yourself to get baby into the world as safely as possible.
I can talk from experience. I had two med-free births followed by a labor with an epidural. And I will say that I was really disappointed in myself for a while afterward. I felt like I had let myself down, knowing that I had done it before but just couldn't do it this time.
I had to be induced with just a touch of pitocin and getting my water broken so I knew there were other factors in that labor but it just didn't matter to me at the time. I finally came to realize that it's true, every labor experience is different and I did what was best for me and baby in that situation (I couldn't stay relaxed with the contractions and had stalled - an epi was my hope at relaxing my body enough to dilate, which is exactly what happend). It got baby out without any stress on his body and let me enjoy that labor for what it was.
In the end, that's what you have to keep in mind. You will make the best decisions for your baby and for yourself to get baby into the world as safely as possible.
I understand the fear because it happened with my first pregnancy. I was preparing for an unmedicated childbirth and ended up with HELLP, a breech baby and an emergency c/s under general anesthesia at 37 weeks.
The greatest lesson that I have taken away from my childbirth experience is that there are just sometimes situations that are out of our control. It is a hard thing to accept but it's true for all of us. All of my childbirth expectations went out the window in a flash. However, worrying about all the possibilities ahead of time won't change the outcome. This is what I keep telling myself preparing for a vbac now because I am even more so aware of all the things that can happen now than I was before and I have a lot more hurdles in my way to a vaginal birth.
So all you can do is plan for what you'd like to have happen and be mindful that other outcomes may be a possibility. And there is no failure in giving birth to a baby no matter how it happens. Anyone who says otherwise is a tool.